conflicted on what to do


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #794044 Reply

    janie

    my ex and i were dating for 10 months and we broke up kind of out of no where 2 weeks ago. We were both really stressed about school and jobs and family and we ended up bickering a lot and taking it out on each other and we talked about it and i thought everything was resolved and good and then he asked for a break and a week later said he wanted to break up because he was too stressed and under too much pressure because of school (he was failing a few classes and has 2 learning disabilities which have made online learning really difficult). When he broke up with me he seemed really unsure that it was what he wanted so we agreed to meet and talk again in a month, once he finished school. I am conflicted on what to think by all of this because it seems like a really weak excuse to break up with someone and part of me feels like i deserve better and i shouldnt even entertain the idea of getting back together, but the other part of me knows how much pressure he puts on himself to do good in school and be perfect and i can see how he was so overwhelmed that he needed a break from things. I feel like our relationship was really good and we barely had any conflicts up until the last month or so. I have not contacted him since but he still has liked my insta posts and he he will drive by my workplace when i am working but not come in just loop around which seems weird (he knew my shifts because i told him them before we broke up), and from what i can tell he hasnt moved on with anyone. Also starting next week he will be working in the same building as me so i will see him frequently. I dont know where he is at but if he wanted to get back together i just dont know if it would be a good idea or not soi thought i would try and get some other opinions. Also his bday is next week and idk if i should text him or give him the present i bought or just ignore it, and i also dont know if i should wait around for him to contact me and ask to meet up and talk or if i should initiate it

    #794046 Reply

    LJ

    I’m sorry! It’s over. He asked for it to be over. Don’t initiate contact, and do what you can to move on.

    If he wants you back, he would have to ask you directly, without leaving any guesswork. He as to do it, completely on his own, without you setting up a situation where he might encounter you. And even then, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to get back together. You were bickering and it sounds like you had unresolved issues. He broke up with you because for whatever reason, it seems like he doesn’t want to resolve those issues or feels like they can’t be resolved.

    You’re doing the right thing by going “no contact”! That’s part of staying strong and moving on, which is what you should be doing. Don’t linger on a relationship that’s over!

    It may feel bad to do so, but don’t reach-out for his birthday, don’t give him the gift. That’s part of the process of moving on.

    I know you feel like you deserved more from the breakup, but the way this breakup happened sounds like the best you’ll get. After all, he went “on break” with you and at least had the decency to tell you that you were breaking up for real. Some people don’t get to have that closure – they persist in on-break purgatory until someone ends up in a real relationship and the other one feels bad about it.

    The reason I’m telling you this is because I had a similar situation. I was dumped, and some time later, I got back together, even though I knew it was a bad idea. Together, we wasted 3 years on a relationship that wasn’t going to work, and it took me another 2 years to feel centered enough to date again. (Yeah, it was a waste. We were good friends but we each could have been in better, healthier relationships.) Don’t make that mistake.

    You got this. Focus on yourself and the hurt will melt away.

    #794122 Reply

    Sensy

    You do NOTHUNG. Space will bring clarity to you both.

    #794123 Reply

    Sensy

    Oops …(NOTHING)

    #794125 Reply

    Lane

    Agree with Sensy, this is a HIM problem, not a you problem. Seriously, do you really want to be with a man who can’t handle or solve problems? These are MINOR compared to real life big problems, where you will need a rock, a mam who can tackle, and handle it, not run away or you will constantly struggle.

    I get it, been there myself. Yup, I bailed on relationships because I didn’t have the desire or energy to work through it when I hit a rough spot. When I was young, it was soooo much EASIER to walk away (dump them) than deal with it—relationships were expendable to me. The two of you are obviously young, and with time you’ll start to adult, mature, and learn how to not run away from problems but face them head on. This takes time for young adults to learn, as they endure more ‘real life’ experiences.

    He’ll figure it out, in time, especially when he finds out employers don’t really give a rats patooty about ‘school grades’ where a C student can excel, no differently than an A student who kills themselves in school. It takes time, in the real world to figure it out but he hasn’t had enough of those experiences yet.

    I know it sucks but its life’s way of saying there is a better guy out there for you. In time, you will look back, and say “What was that guy’s name I date back in 2020?” I can’t remember most of the names of the men I dated, a few stick out but that’s it haha.

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