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F.
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F
My ex and I have been back in contact with each other for a few months. It’s been very positive, fun and sexy. We’ve talked about the future and made it clear that we were only talking to each other. I took this as a sense of direction and meaning.
Last night, we were texting about our night. I had gone for drinks with the girls. He was very curious as to where I was and who I was with. I jokingly said are you worried some fellow is buying me drinks? He replied that it would be a great thing… that I’m single, attractive and could meet someone great. While this is true, I now realize that this whole thing we’ve got going on is more serious to me. I haven’t pursued anything else because I thought things were going somewhere. With that, I said ok. We are not on the same page. We can still be friends and chat, but the dynamic will be different. I’m not interested in anything casual and lacking direction, especially sexual.
I guess I’m just looking for input. I don’t need to be given a hard time for allowing myself to be strung along. I just need support or like minded advice.Colleen
Smart girl! You did the classic polite we can still be friends. Lol. He knew exactly what he was saying. Its probably better to let him drift away and not continue to confide in him about your thoughts, whereabouts, etc. You were hoping for a renewed relationship but now you know.
Newbie
I think youre probably right but there is a small change he was testing you.you were probably a bit hurt when you texted that as a way to protect yourself. Which is fine but if you have been acting like you would give it a new try, i think it deserves a proper one on one talk. Has he replied to you?
F
He replied “So what I said was bad? Lol”…
I am not sure what to say to that or if I should just ignore it. I feel that he needs to know that being that casual with me would be a very big step back and a loss of connection.
His initial response definitely took me by surprise because he’s said being with me is all he wants on more than one occasion. I was not upset. I took time to respond and feel I did so from a powerful stance.
It could have been a test or it could be his way of stepping back. I do know that he’s under an extreme amount of stress at the moment. He’s out of work and has been very down about that.
Andrea
This guy doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you. He’s still hanging around hoping for FWB.
kaye
Getting back with an ex is delicate territory and I know because I’ve done it!! The MOST important thing is that you two should be on the same page…you are either getting back together and trying to make things work again or you are aren’t. It’s very easy with an ex to be in comfortable territory so there could be flirting, sexting, even full on sex and it could only be FWB. That’s why you can’t just fall back into old patterns with some vague, “we ONLY talking to each other.” That means nothing but you took it as having some “sense of direction and meaning.” NO. As he said you are still SINGLE. Single because he hasn’t attempted to lock you down and make things work again.
Now it’s hard to know whether him being down about being out of work has him turning to you for an ego stroke to make him feel better because there is someone out there you still wants him or he really does want to get back together but doesn’t feel “worthy” at the moment since he’s out of work. I think you did the right thing cutting off any sexual aspect of your relationship and keeping it to friends only until things move toward reconciliation. But you are absolutely right that continuing to talk with him is going to keep you from pursuing other things and moving on without him.
I think it might help the advice you get if you can you tell us why you broke up to start with and how long ago it was? And how long had you been dating prior to the breakup?
Warasen
F
You started with “talked about the future and made it clear that we were only talking to each other”. Are the two of you talking about a future together or just your plans in general?
F
We broke up due to him being unhappy, depressed, etc. I cut contact with him for 2 months.
Since reconnecting, he has brought up the future in regards to moving in together and things like that which did indicate to me that it was more serious.
Upon further conversation with him, he hit with me the ol’ “well I never said we were talking seriously” bit.
So I put him to it this way. I see we’ve been talking casually. It’s cool. But these are things that I no longer an interested in doing with you casually… ie sex with no meaning attached to it. I told him it doesn’t do it for me anymore. Also since he pointed out that I was single. I told him that it was a great reminder that there are plenty of other people that could give me a relationship that had direction, meaning and was exclusive.
I am happy with how I handled it and am pulling back from the situation. Thanks for the input!
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