Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Boyfriend stop midway during sex and went to masturbate?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Fireflies.
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Fireflies
Hi, I am 6 weeks postpartum and was very excited to have sex again. My boyfriend of 3 years has been waiting for this moment too because during my pregnancy my libido was very very low and sex just wasn’t fun as hormones kept me very dry and penetration was uncomfortable. We did have oral sex and soft vaginal sex but it was rare and he understood my situation and masturbated most days. He always made me feel like he was still attracted to me, will slap my bum time to time and tell me how he was going to make me pay dearly (wink wink) once we can do it again. I had an episiotomy during labour but I have healed quiet fast. It is now 6 weeks and the doctor has given the go ahead for sex. Last night we got it on, he was hard and we were switching positions. Then all of a sudden I felt him getting soft and he told me he felt like as if he wasn’t use to me. Isn’t that a good thing? I encouraged we continue by giving him a vlow job he got hard again and I was getting on top when he held me and rolled me to the side rested there on my chest for a bit and then got up. I got dressed and fell asleep. The baby woke me up 30 minutes later and I got up, went to the bathroom and saw him there silently masturbating. I pretended to not see him. Once i got back to bed he came to the room afterwards. Morning comes and he was not in bed, came to find him masturbating again. Why is this the case? Is he no longer attracted to me? Was he nervoud? Or worse did he have sex with someone else and can’t have sex with me as he feels bad? Also do i tell him that I’ve seen him masturbating and ask why he had to?
Ewa
nothing to do with you, I just think he got used to satisfying himself and might take him some time to get used to you again. Men who often masturbate can have a quite hard (not a good word to use here) time finishing while having a normal sex and they will tend to go soft during the sex because they do not get the same amount of stimulation.
It is also his brain playing part in it as he might be too stressed out or thinking about finishing too much that he goes soft.
So please don’t take it personally. Was he with you during the labour? Some men have some hard time having sex with woman after seeing the baby coming through the same way hah but that’s quite rare. But again I am guessing your vagina is still adjusting and might not be as tight as it was before and as he is used to masturbating , he might not be getting the same amount of stimulation.
But please talk to him.Fireflies
Advice please!
Fireflies
Hi Ewa thank you for your response.
Yes he was in labour with me however he told me it did not scar him in anyway..at least that’s what he said. Also during penetration it felt super tight to me like I was having sex for the first time again, he had to guide it in slowly. I assume it felt the same for him.
I don’t understand why he needed to masturbate – twice – though because we could have finish with oral instead, something he always ejaculate with. I think I will have a talk with him about things when timing is right. I just want to know every possible reason if anybody been through the same.
Maddie
I agree he got used to using his hands and maybe got used to being afraid he was hurting you or that sex was physically uncomfortable for you and is still in that mindset. You should talk to him about solving it together, even admitting you saw him masturbating, because if he’s going to get used to you again it’ll be easier if he cuts down on masturbating for a little bit while you’re working through it together. You can also let him know that you’re still turned on by him and being with him, and even though you have more responsibilities with the baby, it doesn’t mean you’re too tired or don’t want to be bothered putting in the effort helping him finish using other ways. It’s also possible he wanted you to get some sleep and didn’t want to bother you since sleep is at a premium with a newborn around. Approach it in your own head as you’re both a team working to solve a problem together, as opposed to taking it personally and assuming he chose to finish on his own because of negative reasons about you (and I really don’t think he was unfaithful, there’s so many more likely reasons to discuss before assuming that scenario unless he already has a history of cheating!).
Fireflies
Thank you, I feel more assured now. I will open the convo and slowly get us back on track.
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