Am I overreacting about this or is he being inconsiderate?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Am I overreacting about this or is he being inconsiderate?

This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 1 month ago.

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  • #786046 Reply

    Barbs

    So me and my boyfriend live in a house, but when he bought it about 2 years ago, the garage was made into a room( like an efficiency type of room) so in may last year he rented this efficiency to this girl with her baby, she is nice, in her business etc etc, but boy oh boy when it’s time for me to do the laundry, I literally have to be doing her clothes ( we share the same laundry machines) this woman leaves all her wet clothes, and in the dryer all her dried clothes, so I have to look after her stuff plus she always leaves all her junk in the filter Of the dryer( and guess who has to clean it? ME!!, it’s most of the time the same thing.

    So my boyfriend since he rented this efficiency to this woman he has tried to accommodate her, asking her what type of fridge/ color she prefers, and all these things that are just ridiculous but yet in his mind he finds them fine (apparently)
    He had told me to put a sign saying to her “please clean the filter before and after” I always forgot to do it, until I exploded yesterday and did it. So today I could tell she was Doing laundry, so I was like : “ let me check if she cleaned the filter” , I could not see anything cause she was still drying .

    The point is that when I told my boyfriend that I was going to check if she had really read the sign, he was just like “ why would you do that, that looks weird, blah, blah, she will get the picture you don’t need to go, see and stalk her. This man acts so f******, careless, like If I was the bad one.

    He has been acting wrong since day one for accommodating her so much, plus in November, December she was going through “something“ had no car( her sister had to lend her car to her) so my boyfriend decided to not ask her for rent for the month of December ( and I also remember November, cause he had mentioned this way at the beginning of November) plus he and his mom decided to give her their tithe ( some money) for her to resolve her issues, etc. btw her rent is 800 monthly at the beginning she used to pay on the 15 ( but my boyfriend says that I am wrong “that it has always been the 16th or 1st of every new month”.

    The funny thing is that this woman always receives packages from amazon prime, fashion nova, like literally every single day the ups comes with 3 to 4 bags of stuff, last time was a huge fashion nova pack.

    Now you tell me if she is really struggling financially? Plus She always gives my boyfriend the cash in an envelope and use to leave it on the laundry room. I don’t see anything anymore. I’m just saying its too weird, I just hope my boyfriend is not dumb enough for his age to leave this woman to live fo free in that room.

    #786050 Reply

    Raven

    It’s your BF that’s the problem…

    #786068 Reply

    tammy

    they like her and want to do things for her. shrug.

    #786071 Reply

    Phoebe

    I remember when I lived with my first boyfriend and his brother, his brother used to do the same thing. Leave all his clothes in the washing machine. I was nice for a long time and did them but the I thought meh. Stuff it. He can do his own damn laundry. And then I would take all his dirty clothes out and put them in the sink and do me and my boyfriend’s laundry. After that he was salty at me but hey – at least I didn’t have to do his laundry anymore. I hated feeling like his damn maid.

    #786077 Reply

    Lane

    You really need to check yourself! Its HIS HOUSE and if you acted the way you do I would kick you out. Seriously, chill out and stop acting like controlling biatch. There are better ways to handle it, like your BF suggested, or how about have a nice calm discussion with her? You seem to thrive on drama or find solutions that could be easily solved in a mature manner, such as setting days and times for laundry so you don’t have to deal with it. It takes a blooming second to clean the filter, no biggie.

    Or hey, have your BF do laundry and deal with it! Easier solutions but you seem to want to di it the hard or difficult way just to make everyone, including yourself, miserable.

    #786083 Reply

    Jo

    I don’t think you’re over-reacting, I think you’re mis-reacting!

    Is this really about cleaning the laundry filter and having to take her clothes out of the washer/drier and put them in a basket? I think not. You need focus on the REAL issues instead of having silly conversations about laundry filters.

    It sounds to me like there are 2 problems. You think you boyfriend is attracted to her, and you think she is using this and free loading by pretending she can’t afford the rent.

    Whether and when she pays rent to your boyfriend is arguably none of your business, though whether he is silly with money and is prone to being taken for a mug is information you need so you can make a decision on whether you’re compatible long term. Also, if you think he is lying to you about it then you have a trust issue.

    If you are worried he is attracted to her then again it comes down to trust. There will always be women he finds attractive, the issue is what he does when it happens. If he gives them money, this may be a long term compatibility issue, assuming you would have joint finances when married.

    If it were me I would choose a good moment when you both have time and tell him I want to discuss the situation I would acknowledge that he is free to spend his money however he wishes and ask whether regardless of that he is prepared to have an honest conversation about his feelings for her and the rental arrangements, including any deviations from them. I would listen to his answers as calmly as possible without giving any opinions, then go away to decide whether I think our attitudes are aligned long term.

    If you are cautious with money and he is very generous with acquaintances who claim they are in need despite evidence to the contrary, then you are in for a miserable future with him IMO.

    #786084 Reply

    Lane

    Jo gave great advice! My BF and I have two separate households where we both had ‘tenants’ (paying roommates) from time-to-time but neither of us ever interfered with it, as it was not our business to tell the other how we should manage our homes, nor is it our business to tell the other how to handle their personal finances or affairs. We discuss things like two mature adults, proffer an opinion IF they ask but we leave it up to the other to handle it the way they want to handle it.

    You have no legal authority over his house, he is the only legal owner/landlord, not you, and need to understand your legal boundaries. You are legally ‘a tenant’ where you can be removed with a breakup, 30 day notice and/or eviction if you push him or this need to control everything and everyone too far. If you don’t like the living conditions, or how your BF handles his business, you are free to find a better place to live, plus a better BF if he annoys you so darn much; or the two of you don’t agree/align on major issues such as this.

    I don’t see this relationship progressing or lasting very long if you pick fights with his legal tenant, blow up over silly stuff, or turn everything into a peeing contest.

    #786085 Reply

    alia

    None of this is your business. Just take the wet clothes out and put them in a laundry basket and do your laundry. When you’re done put the wet clothes back in the washer. Case closed. You do not have to dry and fold other people’s laundry.

    #786101 Reply

    ANM Staff
    Keymaster

    Mod update:

    Barb, I think the community would have appreciated it if you made it clear that you are the same person as Mariebelle from the other thread.

    Please stick with a consistent pseudonym. Make it clear that you are the same person as other threads.

    #786127 Reply

    Paige

    I don’t mean this to sound harsh, but what he does in terms of her rent is none of your concern. If he and his mother choose to give her their tithes one month, that’s between them and their God – not you.

    I can understand being annoyed if she leaves her wet clothes in the washer and her dry clothes in the dryer – but complaining about the lint filter is just silly.

    It’s not as if you share a bathroom and she refuses to flush the toilet.

    It’s a lint filter.

    It takes two seconds to see if she cleaned it – and to clean it (if necessary) before you use the dryer. Okay, you think that if you’re nice enough to clean out the filter after you use it, she should do the same – but some people just don’t think about it.

    If you think that you can be polite to her, knock on her door the next time she leaves her clothes in the machine and ask her to please be more conscientious about taking her laundry out at the end of the cycles – perhaps adding, “Since neither one of us has the luxury of a separate washer/dryer set.”

    If you think that you can’t be grown-up and civilized, make sure the sign is your boyfriend suggested is polite and professional (as if you worked at a laundromat) and just leave it.

    Imagine how you would want her to handle the situation if the roles were reversed and treat her the same way you would want her to treat you.

    Reading your post, I recognized your rage at things that are aren’t really all that important when all is said and done.

    I used to react to minor annoyances the same way, leaving me feeling ashamed of my behavior and apologizing to the people I had gone off on.

    I always knew I had what my mother referred to as “premenstrual tension” (PMS had not been recognized then – people insisted it was “all in a woman’s head” – and it would be decades before PMDD was ever diagnosed), but mine was so severe that sometimes it was almost as if I were standing next to my body, not wanting to argue/fight/show my ass, but not being able to help myself.

    Please get your hormones checked to rule out an imbalance.

    #786129 Reply

    Khadija

    My goodness you come off so pissed off about things that aren’t your concern.

    If the laundry is an issue gently tell her. I doubt she realizes she has stepped on your toes.

    In regards to the rent and what she does with her money its not your business.
    I’m sorry but I sense a hint of jealous under the surface of this hostility.

    Really think about why this woman is getting under your skin so much.

    Lastly, if you can’t find peace after you’ve talked to her and reflected, then move out!

    #786137 Reply

    Shoshannah

    Mariabelle from the other thread? So you’re the same person who’s been going on for months about this woman that your boyfriend used to work with and almost hooked up with and then was google searching her name? And now there is a problem with another woman – the tenant. Girl, there are seriously very deep issues in your relationship. You sound very jealous, insecure, but who knows what the real reason for that is, maybe some incompatibility? I think you should reevaluate this relationship and whether it’s good for you. You either need to break up or some drastic change.

    #786138 Reply

    redcurleysue

    At this point how he and his mother spend their money isNone of your business…do laundry on different days. Share. You are nit picking.

    #786141 Reply

    Ss

    You are being utterly ridiculous! Its like an obsession- why do you care so much?

    There is more to this than her laundry! It sounds like you are jealous of her or something. Have you tried being friendly rather than spying on her and acting like a mad woman about her washing? Seriously, you need to stop being so obsessed by this woman because its making you seem a bit unhinged and very very unhealthy.

    #786155 Reply

    LaFrance Thibodeaux

    For $800 a month I’d do her damn laundry for her & straighten her bed..Let this little power trip that you’re on go..I agree with everyone’s pov..& if your boyfriends tennant bothers you this bad then maybe you should relocate to your own spot..

    #786171 Reply

    kaye

    “This man acts so f******, careless, like If I was the bad one.”

    F-ing careless because he doesn’t check the lint filter? Do you want to know the definition of careless? It’s “not giving sufficient attention or thought to avoiding harm or errors.” Do you think she could burn down the house by not changing the lint filter and cause you harm? I mean it has happened but you don’t say that’s your concern.

    You are overreacting big time to this. I can’t imagine renting a single room in my home for $800 either! That’s incredibly steep where I live. You could get a nice 2 bedroom apartment for that! So if he and his mother want to help out this woman and her baby why does it make you so jealous? Do you have any idea how much it costs to have a baby?

    And let me tell you I order from Amazon Prime all the time. They offer free shipping and their prices are usually better than anywhere else. Plus it saves me the gas and time of running around. She can probably save money on formula, baby diapers, wipes and clothes just by ordering from them. And guess what…she could order those things and they would be ALL sent in a separate box!! It’s ridiculous how they package things! It doesn’t mean she’s ordering things she doesn’t need did you ever think of that?

    You are being so petty and ridiculous about this woman. It’s like you can’t stand for your boyfriend to give attention to any other woman! You should be thankful you are dating a nice guy with compassion and empathy but instead you are jealous and insecure.

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