This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Khadija 9 months, 2 weeks ago.
May 20, 2020 at 11:56 pm #791348
Hey everyone, I’m in the process of trying to get my ex back, I thought I was close to success the other night but now I’m not so sure. For the first time since our breakup 4 months ago, he was actually sounding like he wanted to get back with me. I told him about this guy I’m talking to that I’m not very interested in, and that I plan on rejecting him soon. My ex replied with “you should tell him to go away, I’ve basically ghosted everyone I was talking to”. Which to me sounded like a hint, because he still talks to me. I also found out that this girl he was seeing blocked him on everything because he refused to see her during quarantine, but he wanted to see me (we have hung out twice).
I’m just not so sure, he’s really hot and cold, but so am I. He’ll text me first occasionally but I text first the most. It’s been 2 days since we last spoke and he sent the last text, it was a goodnight text and he said “its a start” for us because we had a conversation without fighting for the first time in a while. But since then, he hasn’t texted me. I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty stubborn and don’t really like texting first. I want to give him his space because I was the one who hurt him the most in our relationship and he’s still recovering, but I think about him 24/7 and now I’m anxious to see what’s gonna happen between us. He also has a necklace of mine that I want to retrieve soon. I just wish he would text me, should I keep waiting or break the ice soon?May 20, 2020 at 11:59 pm #791349
Also, more on what he said about being in a relationship…..he said he likes the idea of a relationship and wants one but he’s afraid of getting hurt again. He sounded really on the fence about it whereas a month or two ago he was EXTREMELY opposed to going into another relationship and wouldn’t even consider it. He is now leaning more towards wanting one and I don’t know how to take itMay 21, 2020 at 4:40 am #791353
If you think getting dumped by someone once hurts, try getting dumped by them again! It really stings. It can really damage your self esteem… Do you like being anxious all the time? Do you like waiting on him to give you peace of mind? Wouldn’t it be nicer for you to just move on?May 21, 2020 at 10:42 am #791366
Just know that “do overs” have an abysmal success rate (less than 20%) because the issues are still there, have not been fully resolved, and swept under the rug until it makes it way to the surface again. People don’t change overnight or in just a few months! Nope, you’re just being on your best behavior, probably like you were when you first met; but the first time you hit a bump; both of you will end right back in the same old dysfunctional pattern because you have done nothing, such as dissect, work on or fix the areas that have caused the dysfunction and will just drag the same baggage back in, just to end up where you are now.
Getting him back is not how you solve relationship problem(s). I bet 10-1 you have done zilch to dissect yourself, understand the areas you need a lot of work in, and taken *active steps* to learn how not to suck at it so much. Have you taken an Anger Management course if your problem is anger? Have you taken a communication, negotiation or any type of therapy or coursework, if your problem is communicating effectively? Have you gone to AA or rehab program if its alcohol or drug related? Bet you haven’t done a darn thing, where just “play acting nice”, for a short bit, is not the solution to real life problems.
Keep playing the “I’ll be nice for a short bit game” and then watch him re-dump you the moment you relax; and your old self re-emerges because she’s still there. He doesn’t trust you, and will be constantly wary by walking on egg shells afraid to set you off—that’s not how anyone should have to be in a relationship. The best thing you could do, at this time, is let him go, set him free, and begin the hard work by to overcome the areas you know you need a lot of work in. Its going to take many *life tests* to see if you’ve truly improved or are still failing and need more work. He shouldn’t be your test subject knowing you’re just setting him and yourself up to fail, just to go through another break up round.May 21, 2020 at 11:38 am #791368
“…and he sent the last text, it was a goodnight text and he said “its a start” for us because we had a conversation without fighting for the first time in a while.”
That doesn’t sound good. Why try to get back with someone if your baseline is arguing?
Anyway, in terms of your specific question, don’t text him. Wait. Don’t reach out for a couple of weeks. If he wants to pursue this, then let him lead the way. It’s got to be his choice and desire, not something that you’ve beaten into his psyche. He’s probably taking some time to consider things. Let him have that space.May 21, 2020 at 11:45 am #791369
This doesnt sound like an adult relationship you had but a kindergarten try out. Both of you sound like players. Him chatting up women and you trying to make him jealous.
I can tell you 1 thing 100% guaranteed: this will blow up in your face since he doesnt want a relationship. He told you over and over. Saying now he doesnt want to get hurt is stil the same no. I also agree with what lane said. You need to grow up and have adult relationships. At least thats the goalMay 21, 2020 at 12:26 pm #791370
Why did you break up in the first place?
Have you addressed what led to the break up?
If not then you will repeat the same patterns.