Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Advice please! He told me I was his but tells others I’m not.
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Star.
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Star
I wrote up a long story and it didn’t push through. Overall, my bf asked me to trust him and I did. We have been dating a long time but I did notice a few things that have bothered me.
Recently I stumbled up messages in his phone I have read. How I came to read them was both intentional and unintentional. I say this because I didn’t seek them. I had his phone with me to find my iPhone I lost at the restaurant and tracked it back to its location. During this, a unknown number contacts his phone. The message was asked if he was ok. Me wondering if something is wrong that I don’t know about. I looked and read everything. This unsaved number was a girl he was talking to from his damn job.
Long story short, they were flirting. He liked her ass. She was attractive. So on and so forth. And then there was another girl in his phone whom he spoke to more consistently. Long calls with her and texts that I deem inappropriate between someone that’s just a friend. Like threesomes and more some. If some other girl would take him back. Etc. now in the past, he told me there was a girl he saw as a friend and that she liked other woman. Not men. Yet this girl has a son born from her. So in my head, it didnt matter what her preference seems to be. She’s still a woman. long story short, I see the messages. I was upset. He was upset. Said I invaded his privacy and turned this all in me.
Asked if we can continue this relationship as long as I don’t look at his phone as he sees it as his only right to privacy and I told him I wasn’t against it but not to say things to girls that would lead them on if he didn’t mean them but yet it looked like he was meaning them but told me he thought nothing of it.
In under 24 hours. Those girls messaged him again while he was in the bathroom. And I looked again. He told them I was an ex girlfriend. And honestly that’s all I want to point out. He begged and pleaded and I’m still an ex to them. Told me the complete opposite and that he was going to ensure it never happened again.
He is now upset I saw his phone twice. First time, had no means. Second time the same people you told me you weren’t talking to anymore. You were talking to again.
Please be brutally honest with me. What’s the point of this. And yes i know I’m wrong for looking at his messages.
Anon
Who cares that you looked at his phone???? Leave him NOW. Then at least he won’t be lying when he says you’re an ex. Lol
kaye
Ok. Yes you invaded his privacy and looked at this messages. HOWEVER, if he didn’t have anything to hide you wouldn’t have found anything!!! He’s been talking to a girl from his job to the point she asks if he’s okay when he doesn’t answer her messages! And in addition to her there is another girl who he talks to more consistently including long phone calls and inappropriate texts for a guy who has a girlfriend! Yet another girl who he wants to take him back. Of course he’s upset you looked at his phone because he got caught!!
Now those girls are STILL messaging him and he told them you were his EX! I would be so pissed off this guy I would dump him IMMEDIATELY! He doesn’t respect your relationship, wants to keep flirting and keeping girls on the side and you can do better! He’s lying to you AND to them. If he told you he wasn’t talking to them anymore he LIED! If he told them you were his ex he LIED!! This man doesn’t deserve privacy he deserves a sharp kick to the groin!! He’s not committed to your relationship and you say you’ve been dating a long time. You need to walk away and find a man who respects you and isn’t a lair.
Sherri
He told them that you were his EX. Make his wish come true. Trust has already been destroyed. And it does not look like he wants to build it up again. Rather he is trying to make it all your fault that you looked at his phone. If you stay with him, then u will always wonder who is he messaging, flirting or cheating on you with.
Better off single
This dude is a cad and you should leave him
Dangerouse
So? You know hes a cheater. What you gonna do about it? Beg him? Talk him into being a good person?
Raven
You already know the answer to your question…
sorry but…
Like Maya Angelou said, when people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
The point of his actions is that he is not trustworthy. He likes the attention and at the same time disrespects and damages your relationship in order to get said attention. He sounds like an immature attention whore.
Carmen
Sounds to me like he is manipulative. Trying to flip it around on you as the bad one for looking at his phone so you feel bad and his mistakes are ignored or dumbed down. You saw what you saw. That’s reality. He is actively talking to others and telling then you are an ex. Do you deserve that? No.
You deserve respect and someone who appreciates just YOU. Not someone who talks talks talks. Talk is cheap and easy like a hooker. Its nothing serious, also like a hooker. Catching on? Actions are real, factual, and concrete. You concretely know what you saw. That was reality. Don’t let him twist this on you. He fuc*ed up. Not you. As your boyfriend he shouldn’t have much to hide.
Girl, move on asap. Someone would be grateful to have a loyal girl like you. Trust me. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Would you be okay with this if he was your husband? Then don’t accept it now.
Desiree
Snooping his phone is invading privacy yes. But if I was suspicious I would have definitely done the same thing. That way I would have my answers and not be knocking my brains out trying to get the truth.
When you have the blatant truth you have closure and can then kick him to the curb. Too many people kill themselves for months trying to get to the bottom of things.
Yes you are hurt but you can now start healing – and never look back!
kaye
Is it just me or do we tend to have a lot of posts lately where the original poster never comes back to comment? This is one of 3 on the feed today hanging around for days with no follow-up comments. Makes me wonder if people are just making up content????
Star
It’s not that.
I just been in shock and I did come back each time to read the comments and I’m sorry if I seemed absent. I’ve been weighing a lot on my mind. And once I collected myself I was going to reply.
Star
I completely agree. I trusted him for so long that I never would have thought this was going to happen. And then I often pondered after this what he was really doing when he said he was working late.
But now I’m done with it. Everyone here is right. He’s been apologizing a lot after this. And I’ve been keeping to myself while he’s blowing up my phone. I no longer care. Now it all makes sense why he took his time making our relationship public.
Star
You’re right because no I wouldn’t be ok. It’s been a mental battle that I don’t like haunting me. It makes it tough to work but I know if I leave him now, it would be for the better in the long run. Like he keeps asking me to forgive him and we will get through this together and it’s just wrong. All I can think it what if this and what if that now. I feel it’s just ruined at this point. And yes I do deserve better. You are correct about that. I didn’t sign up to be manipulated or deceived.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
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