Advice for evaluating your LDR


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Peggy 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #783378 Reply

    Peggy

    See so many posts on here about LDR’s and if the relationship is going to work out,does the guy care,can I trust him etc. I have experience with this in my own life/myself and observing how my 25 year old son conducts his LDR. I thought maybe my 2 cents could help here.
    First thing is that if you have never met in real life-you have a penpal or accquaintance,but are NOT in a real relationship. The person could be honest and who they claim to be,or very possibly they may not be. You can not truly be in love if you have not met,because you only think you know them. So, if you can not meet right away,or in a month or so,if you live really far away-then I would not be hopeful .
    Speaking from my own experience and what my son does-a serious guy will never leave you hanging. He will see you as often as possible,develop a plan that you will eventually be together in the same place, and he will keep up regular contact,you will have an idea of his schedule etc.
    A serious guy will put in the effort,spend the money on gas etc. to come and see you-my guy (we now live together) drove 90 minutes,one way, every weekend for nearly 2 years to see me. I rarely went to him,because I worked in my business on Saturdays. He would wait all day while I worked and make supper,do errands etc. I moved to him,when I could close out and move my business.
    My son travelled overseas this summer ( we live in North America). He met a woman at the hostel he was staying at,the first night of his holiday, and they “hit it off”. He hung out with her and her friends and when she had to return to her country,he changed his travel arrangements to go visit her there.
    That was last summer. 6 months ago. In the time since,he stayed with her a week when they met,she travelled here for a 2 week visit about a month after they met. He introduced her to some of his family and then went to visit her before Christmas. Now,she is coming here again in Feb. They talk and message everyday and have plans to live together soon,here or there for a few months,with the intention opf making a permanent relationship,marriage.
    It is clear where the relationship is headed and they are always in contact of some sort. I cannot imagine my son not contacting her for several days, or not answering her messages etc. Or dating other women. Guys who are serious,treat you and your relationship seriously and this applies to LDR and all relationships really.
    Also,she was the one who invited him to visit her /her country soon after they met. So women can ask (contrary to what is often advised here) but I am sure he had made it obvious that he was interested in her. Just my thoughts-hope this helps people who are wondering/worrying if the guy cares,or if they are being neglected or faded on. If you are feeling that,then you are probably right.

    #783394 Reply

    Lane

    Well written Peggy! Once you’ve had a man move mountains to be with you, its only then you not only learn about how men love (those who are “all in”) and which one’s are not. Its often not until you have personally experienced it that you have a benchmark to work with; whereas any man who falls short of it is a waste or your time and energy.

    Some have to go through a series of letdowns until they finally meet a man who loves them to bits and you fit together like peanut butter and jelly :o) Even good one’s can go bad overtime but its OK, there’s another guy out there who fall in love and maybe even stay in love if continue you get along really well. A few have one great love in their lifetime, most have had had two or three great loves, and rest keep chasing after a unicorn.

    #783410 Reply

    Peggy

    Thanks Lane! I too, learned from being “lead down the garden path” a few times by players and time wasters. When it is “right”-there is no anxiety and agonizing over things,you feel confident and secure.

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