3rd Party In My LDR

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  kaye 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #788731 Reply

    M Jones

    I met my bf online and we’ve been together over 2 years. We split 8 months ago because he didn’t want marriage but wanted someone who’s there (we live in different countries). We have met in person, it’s not all online. Since then he met someone, they broke up then reunited about 4 or 5 times in the 6 months they’ve dated. We still talk, he still wants to see me, and he doesn’t love her. It feels like we’re still together most of the time, then he goes silent, then he comes back. We didn’t speak for 6 weeks at one point. She’s just convenient and friends with his friends. He has literally told me he’s settling and it would be different if I was there. I don’t want to give up on us but he’s afraid of marriage and thinks we’ll fail as he believes all marriages do. And I’m not sure how we can get the chance to get back together and work thru this with his buddies pushing him to pick the other woman who he is unhappy with but they like. We are all in our early to mid thirties.

    #788733 Reply


    Honey, this is going to hurt. Please read your post again and then think about how this is exactly how she’s describing you. But this is not her problem this is your guy is a loser problem. The common denominator is him not her. Lose this guy be glad you live far away she is not the problem, he is. The fact that he doesn’t want with you what you want me and you shouldn’t be talking to him at all. She is saying that you were an unwelcome third wheel. She is saying that he doesn’t love you. She is saying all of the things that you’re saying about her. And she’s right. If she lives in the same town then you were the side piece not her. But again not about her, it’s about him and your willingness to except anything. You are not getting back together with him. Read that again. You’re not getting back together with him. It’s not because of her it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you. He doesn’t want to marry you. He doesn’t want to marry you. I said that three times so you understand it. I know that this is very painful, and it’s very easy to blame someone else. Put the blame where it belongs and get rid of him.

    #788734 Reply


    One last thing he is happy with her. He is happy with her. He’s happy with her. You know how I know that? Because he keeps seeing her. He keep spending time with her. She is not a filler she told he tells you she’s a filler. This guy is a liar and he’s not into you. I know that because his actions keep showing it. What his words say mean nothing because his actions are exactly the opposite. That’s not her fault that’s his fault. You deserve better

    #788735 Reply


    He is not your bf but your ex. You split up 8 months ago and since then he started dating a local girl. Youre convenient for a guy that doesnt want to commit: far away and need little effort. This guy gas been clear he doesnt want to marry you. And if you were smart, you wouldnt want to marry him. Because then what? Youre stuck in another country depending on this flaky man.
    Having virtual relationships can feel warm to some extent but when they get complicated and overrun your real life, its time to end. He is dating, so should you. And stop talking to your ex like he still is your bf. He is not

    #788736 Reply


    If you are in your early mid thirties and looking for a partner/family than you lost 2 precious years in trying to find it. Stop wasting your time

    #788811 Reply


    Oh wow this is a major DISASTER of a pseudo-relationship! This guy is feeding you all the perfect lines and you are falling for each one of them. These lines include: “He’s just settling”, “his buddies are pushing him to choose the other girl” and he does’t love her. Here’s the thing though: This guy, that you are pining over day and night does NOT want you ENOUGH. A guy that wanted you enough would get rid of all other online/local girls. This guy has his cake because he has the other girl that he can feel, touch, have sex with ect. and he has you to boost his ego, flirt with him and make him feel good all around but from a distance. This is a pseudo-relationship because you have all these thoughts of getting back together but this is not reality. This guy doesn’t want to let the other girl go and he doesn’t want to get back together with you even though a long distance relationship is definitely possible with both people want each other enough to work at it. I know, because I was in one and after we got married. Your guy doesn’t want either of you ENOUGH. That’s the key word in your problem. You need to let this guy go for good, even though it hurts and move on with your life. You will one day find a guy that will want you enough and he won’t even think of getting another girl on the side. This guy isn’t worth it.

    #788814 Reply


    First of all there isn’t a 3rd party in your LDR…you’re the 3rd party! This man dumped you 8 months ago because he doesn’t want marriage. Now he’s dating another girl and it doesn’t sound like they’re a good fit breaking up 4 or 5 times in 6 months but the two of you aren’t a good fit either!!

    Just because he’s still talking to you doesn’t mean you’re together. I mean he goes 6 weeks sometimes without talking to you. How does that make you feel like you’re still together? If you really want to know how he feels do this…. Tell him you agree things would be different if you were there and you don’t want to give up on the two of you so you are making plans to move there!! His reaction to that should tell you everything you need to know.

    But at the end of the day if a man is telling you he doesn’t want to marry you, I would think that’s a pretty clear statement of how he feels.

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