What to do if he's doing the slow fade, call him out on it?


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This topic contains 38 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  A. 7 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #413408 Reply

    Laura

    Hey girls,

    Met a guy, text a lot, most the day, I never initiate, for the last month, have been on 3 dates, regular, it’s been 2 days since date 3 and Iv had a few very short massages like he dosnt really want to talk to me, but he initiated them, he’s out of charictore, moody, hasn’t been busy due to weekend, dosnt ask me any questions and it’s just really off…and I just know in my guy he’s lost interest and I do think he’s doing the slow fade, what do I do? Do I ask him outright shall we just leave this if youv lost interest? Or do I just leave him do it? I’m keeping it light and flirty and happy when I have text him, he’s just not interested…..

    Please give me some advice I’m trying not to be needy and message him but it’s playing on my mind, I do like this guy….

    #413411 Reply

    Amy S

    Hi. Just leave things be. hes maybe jus thinking things over. If he feels presssure from you it will go against you. Sorry I know its hard and horrible but its for the best. keep yourself busy and having fun and whatever happens will happen. x

    #413413 Reply

    Laura

    Amy s
    Thank you for your reply, yes your right I know I need to leave him be, no pressure ect…you know when you just have that feeling in your gut, and I’m always right when I get that feeling, so it hard, I’d rather him just vanish than him giving me bread crumbs, but I know I still could be wrong so don’t want to just cut it off x

    #413419 Reply

    Laura

    Would it be really off putting if I just say something like…..I understand things change, I’m getting a vibe of you that your no longer interested, I’m a big girl if you’d like to leave this as it is that’s fine and I wish you luck in the future…….?

    I just don’t want to be sat waiting, and I am trying to keep busy but I’m working myself up about it and it’s on my mind! Normally I would of had a good morning what are you up to today ect but nothing!!

    #413421 Reply

    Ally

    Best advice would be not to say anything like that or draw attention to what he’s doing. I’d say give him space and try and keep any conversation you have casual and fun so he knows he’ll get a good reaction from you when you do actually talk, however brief it might be. The fact he’s still messaging at all is a good sign and as frustrating as it is to not know where you stand properly, asking him what’s wrong and if he’s pulling away from you might just make him do exactly what you fear :/ It’s a cliche but I always say if it’s meant to be it just will be so the best thing you can do is carry on with your life, make plans as normal and let him come to you :)

    #413425 Reply

    Cathy

    He’s not interested enough yet. Give him some space and let him figure it out all by himself. In the meantime go have fun and don’t fret. You will be fine and hopefully meet someone absolutely fab while he is thinking or doing whatever else he is doing. U be fine xx

    #413434 Reply

    whiskeyagogo

    You don’t know what’s going on. Don’t bust him for something he hasn’t done.

    #413437 Reply

    anne

    Leave him to it and just go with the flow. If hes interested he will initiate contact, if not then its no big loss. Focus on you, life friends ect . I’m going through the same motions at the moment x

    #413503 Reply

    celesteannv

    Back off. Get busy on your own. As Lane will say, the best gift a woman can give a man is space.
    DO NOT send the text you typed. I get it, we all want an answer NOW and want to be the dumper as to the dumpee, but you are just adding more stress and he may just want to bolt.

    #413506 Reply

    Khadija

    Hello Laura,
    Just let this be. If, he is doing the slow fade then it’s his loss.
    In some cases guys just need their spae for a few days.
    We as women often go into panick mode if a man deviates from the normal everyday texting and calling.
    Try not to sweat this and go about your business.

    #413511 Reply

    Lane

    Hi.

    Need to slow down here. The moment the man feels pressured or loses interest is when he pulls away, and that’s your que to pull away too regardless of how much you like him. Not everyone feels the same way and you need to go into dating with the attitude that no every guy who dates you will turn into something. He’s still feeling you out and most likely testing you where you start pushing that’s a surefire way to end it.

    Calm down, its not a race but a journey and if the both of you reach that destination, great, if not then it was never meant to be. Sometimes you have to date 100 toads to find that prince so sit tight and be patient…the right guy will find you :-)

    #413512 Reply

    Amy S

    Hi. just leave it. Hes maybe thinking everything is fine and taking it easy if u send him the drama text he might think u want to finish with him. Just keep yourself busy and having fun x

    #413518 Reply

    Sanni

    Hi Laura,

    Just leave it and him alone. There’s no need to bring it up to him, or eve call him out on it. Nothing postive will become of that anyways. The two of you are just simply going on dates, you’re not in a relationship with each other, he technically has no obligations towards you, nor do you towards him. So just carry on as you did before he came into the picture. Lane is absolutely correct, the moment you put any sort of pressure on his, even the slightest, he will run even faster and like she said, what’s the rush anyways? Women these days, regardless of age, seem to be in such a huge rush to push their relationship further along than they naturally should be. Just enjoy the ride, take in all the moments you have together and see where it goes. If it doesn’t, that’s fine! beacuse you’ll have a new journey to look forward to!

    #413521 Reply

    Sanni

    “Would it be really off putting if I just say something like…..I understand things change, I’m getting a vibe of you that your no longer interested, I’m a big girl if you’d like to leave this as it is that’s fine and I wish you luck in the future…….? ”

    Please don’t do this. You sound incredibly clingy AND very, very presumptious. What if he’s just taking space? taking time? trying to figure out IF he actually likes you or wants to continue seeing you? What if he DOES like you and is just processing it all, and then you go and send something like this! He’ll read it and think “WOW! I was starting to like her too UNTIL NOW!” A text like this will only backfire on you.

    “I just don’t want to be sat waiting, and I am trying to keep busy but I’m working myself up about it and it’s on my mind! Normally I would of had a good morning what are you up to today ect but nothing!!”

    So then don’t wait! Carry on with your own life, you’re choosing to wait! You shouldn’t need him to validate how valuable your own time is, you validate that by LIVING and moving forward. And FYI. those good am texts that guys send, don’t mean a whole lot to them. You’re translating that text msg in FEMALE LANGUAGE, which then translates into (If he sends me a good am text, that means we are still good, he still likes me and he’s thinking about me!) Where as to him, IF he send the am text, he’s prob just doing beacuse 1. He knows you like it, 2. He may feel obligaged BY YOU, to send it. 3. You very well may have been on his mind and he decided ON HIS OWN, to let you know. BUT!!!!! Please understand that a good am text from a guy IS NOT a means of meassurement of your “relationship” He’s going to like you, be intersted in you all the same whether he sends a good am text or not. Besdies, good am texts are for women to send, not men. Hell, I don’t even send good am texts, i think they’re kind of pointless and become so redudant.

    #413667 Reply

    patsytshirt

    he is trying to test you to see if you are one of those whackjobs without life who demand 24hour attention and are unable to give a guy space. Don’t panic, please dont fall into the temptation of sending that dramatic text you’ve been thinking about.
    If he’s doing the fade out you will know soon

    #413723 Reply

    Laura

    Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your advice it stopped me sending that rediculas message! And I didn’t message him, I got on with me day as usual and forgot about it…..but then at 12 last nigh I get a message saying “just got in, hope your ok x” so I message back this morning saying “morning handsome, that was a late one, are you busy busy agen today? x” and he read that and didn’t message back, and has been online all morning but hasn’t replied…..

    I know it’s his choice, he dosnt have to, but what if he isn’t testing me and is just trying to keep me on a string, this is unusual to him to be like this, I don’t think he’s testing me I think he’s doing the fade, and if he is I wish he’d grow some balls and be gone already and stop giving me one messages, or am I over reacting and that was ok? It felt like he was checking to see if I’ll come running….?!

    #413729 Reply

    Laura

    Up until that last date we agreed to do the friendly dating, nothing serious because there’s a 10 year age gap, I was happy with that and I have never said anything otherwise, but the last date he asked me what did I want for him, I said I’m not sure because where doing this friendship dating thing and I don’t know where we both stand, so he said I think we can be amazing friends but I want more than that, and I fancy you like crazy! So friends isn’t an option, so what does this mean for us do we stay friends and strictly keep it as that or do we do more? So I said well why don’t we do official dates instead of us calling them casual dates and just see where it goes…he said yes I’d like that, glad you said that Iv already planned our next date it’s a secret your going to love it….so that’s why I’m feeling a bit crazy, because I was fine with how casual it was and friends and whatever and he’s the one that pushed for more, I agreed and now he’s fading. I don’t understand it. It’s unfair to do that, he changed the situation!

    #413732 Reply

    Laura

    And we did kiss that night, and I made a joke saying friends don’t to this! And he said we agreed where doing the see where it goes thing, not friends….I don’t know, I’m just reading into everything to much now because I’m doubting where I stand and I don’t know why I’m usually confidant and whatever will be will be, sorry everyone for the silly girl nonsense!!

    #413768 Reply

    Lane

    HI Laura.

    Just hang tight. Not everyone likes to text where I’m one of those who HATES IT and have a tendency to not rely right away because I know if it does it will elicit a texting exchange that I’m not in the mood to engage in that moment. I’m also really good at ending them quickly which is what you should do as texting is the TOP TWO reasons dating/relationships don’t get off the ground because its relied on too much. The bulk of communication should always be IN PERSON because men don’t bond/connect through texting so its a waste of your precious time and energy to engage in it with a man.

    I would not have responded the way you did because texting obviously is causing you far too much anxiety so common sense would dictate you move away from that which stresses you out so much. I would have responded with “glad you made it home safe…all good here :-)”

    One should text with CONFIDENCE and not use it for validation nor or make them feel secure. The world won’t end if he doesn’t text back and shouldn’t expect a man to be at your beck and call which texting does. Relax…if its meant to be it will happen, if not there’s a better guy out there for you :-)

    #413787 Reply

    Jessy

    Laura,

    If you cannot tolerate him sending you meaningless (1) word messages then I suggest you delete him from your phone because otherwise you age going to drive yourself crazy nena!!

    See, I can deal with men playing the one word text messages, I do the same shit to them!!

    #414415 Reply

    Laura

    Hey ladies! Thank you for your advice it made me feel a lot better and stoped me bing over dramatic!

    So I have heard for him….every day I get a mesage, initiated by him, like a hope your ok, or I’m at work doing this, but when I reply lightly and nice and short but carrying on the convo he just dosnt message back, so I just think he’s not interested, but why is he still sending me a short pointless message once a day? It makes no sense to me, he’s not asked to see me agen ether and the way the convo is going he’s not going to, so why message me if he’s not interested just stop contact, I’d like to see this guy agen so what do I do, next time he messages if he does then do I just not bother, give him some time to lul it over if he’s Evan botherd, I just feel the advice on the when he does message be happy and receptive is just puting me into the I can message her whenever and she’ll be there, I’m a wrong? What do I do?

    #414421 Reply

    Laura

    I know I shouldn’t reply on text! But that’s the only way we communicate between dates, that’s our main comunication!

    #414465 Reply

    alia

    The fact that he sends you a message surely means he is thinking of you. But messaging back and forth is often annoying and if one is working or doing anything really, is unsustainable. Lean back and wait for him to come up with plans to see you. I am sure he will reach out with a concrete idea, but for now focus on your life and comings and goings and make plans for yourself without wondering about him, his plans or whereabouts.

    #414466 Reply

    Ivy

    Laura, Neither of you sound sure about what you want, you both say casual (and why bother with that?), then he says more, he acts like less, you want more…both of you are all over the place with this, no wonder it’s confusing.

    Anyway, so now you were going to date more seriously and he’s texting you but not asking you out? Do I have that right?

    The two of you are beyond confusion so you might as well ask him directly. Normally, I’d say let the guy ask you out, but you guys have gone back and forth from casual to serious and now it’s like some kind of waiting game so really, if I were you I’d just be out with it and ask him what’s up. “Are we going to date again or what?” Not like you have anything to lose, it’s already a confusing little mess here.

    #414498 Reply

    Vanessa

    You’re not doing what Lane advised. He’s not asking questions to keep the conversation going. Only says hope you’re ok. He doesn’t want to engage in a lengthy text exchange. Respond the same “I’m doing well. Thanks.” But if he’s sending the same redundant crap every day then stop responding or take longer to respond. Set a deadline and if he doesn’t call or ask you out by then. Cut him off.

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