Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I compromise?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 2 years, 12 months ago by
Lane.
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Ess
There is this guy I have known for 3 years as an acquaintance. Last month, met for a hangout with his friends & it was amazing. Within that first week, we bonded, had fun, great sex & communicated 24/7. Now, at the end of that amazing week, I had a sleepover at his house & on that Sunday, we had a deep conversation, we said how much we loved each other & he offered me a job from his business. Now, the only reason I agreed to a sleepover, is because he promised to wake me up early the next morning so that I am not late for work. In the morning, on Monday, he didn’t wake me up, so I woke up late. So I was in a morning rush. As I was dressing up hurriedly, he talked insensitively & rudely towards me because of something that I didn’t place well in its place. I was late for work. After the morning ordeal, we didn’t communicate. He called 2 days later…as if everything was okay. I just wanted an apology from him for talking rudely to me. But there was no apology. So I told him that if he didn’t own up to how badly he treated me, then it was best we ended things. He replied with a “hahaha okay”. And that was the end of our short-lived romance. It hurt me to the core, coz I really liked him. Now, let me go back to the part where he offered me a job. I reached out to his business partner for a job, but his business partner told him it. So the guy reached out this month to offer me a job. I was so happy. But it has not been like what I imagined coz he has just offered me two assignments to work on (where one assignment can take 2 days). Sometimes he gives me an assignment and takes it away. I earn money through the tasks I’m given and since he is not giving me any tasks, I can’t earn enough to sustain myself. This was supposed to be my big break. We haven’t talked about how things ended & I’ve not confronted him about him taking away tasks from me. I feel so angry and hurt. I feel like blocking him and never hearing from him ever in my life. I just want a life without him in the picture. I just feel suffocated knowing how helpless I feel that my ex-lover can control my money. Why did he offer me the job if he will not give me a chance to earn money? It’s the best opportunity I’ve ever got and he is the only one who can give me the chance to make a lot of money. Should I beg him for tasks? Most importantly, should I flirt with him or revive our past romance so that he gives me work? Should I lie to him that I still love him? Should I compromise for the job?
Raven
What?! No!
Padmini
Ess,
It sounds for the most part that you have an idea of where your heart is, but need some work in getting your head straightened out on this matter.
You made a wise decision to end romantic, intimate relations with that creep when you did.
It would be a good idea for you to separate that ex-lover from that job prospect. Just consider that ex-lover as a regular guy whom you thought could provide you with a lucrative professional opportunity.
In all honesty, it seems as if that ex-lover did not actually have much to offer you professionally from the time you were having the fling with him itself. It could be that he made that claim in order to supplement his seduction of you.
However, do not fall into that trap he set up. Just as you ended romance with that creep, you can cut yourself off from that job and block him.
As an End-Note: I strongly recommend that you NOT rekindle intimacy or romance with that ex-lover for the purpose of advancing yourself in the job!
Good luck!
Raven
Actually, F*CK No!
Ess
Suppose I don’t rekindle romance, do you have a suggestion on how I can get him to give me work equally like others? Or should I just leave & block him without fighting for the best opportunity I’ve ever had? Giving up isn’t my thing but I’m unhappy it has to come to that
Erin
Hon, you got yourself into a bit of a mess here.
Generally the rule is don’t mix business with pleasure, it really blurs the lines and doesn’t end well. The only good ending is where one of you takes themselves out of both equations.
What I can advise you is look for another job, send in your resumes and applications to other corporations. This job is just so you can have an income flow while looking elsewhere where you are needed and appreciated.
Any man who makes grand declarations post orgasm or during or after sex is a liar, it’s the endorphins still talking.
There was really no job to offer in the first place which is why things are like this for you.
I wish I could say he is acting out because you broke up with him, but this is a loss you both didn’t mourn, you are just mourning the possibilities, not the actual short lived relationship and he doesn’t really give a damn because he wasn’t really into it.
You both moved at breakneck speed and he realized this then acted out. You took the bait.
When you really introspect you will realize you didn’t even like this guy that much, you just thought you did because he seemed so unattainable until you met his reality.
Maddie
I see nothing here about about “compromising,” even though that’s the subject line. I see, giving in to him and letting him control everything, with a bit of justification that if you lie and tell yourself you don’t really mean the flirting then maybe you’ll not stay attached and can feel you still have some power.
Nothing about this situation is good for you. He’s toxic sludge. You only knew him as an acquaintance and simply didn’t know that about him until you spent a little time with him (and it took very little time for him to show you his true character!) Please resume the search for other work opportunities and leave this creepy guy in your rear view mirror. Then take some time to figure out why you’d engage in games that ultimately give up your autonomy to someone else who is a mess and your happiness for the fantasy of a job opportunity that was mostly concocted. There’s a lot of you holding on to potential in your post and hoping it changes, instead of making decisions based on the reality of the man and situation in front of you.
Tallspicy
Honey, how could you be this involved with someone you were involved with for 1 week? You were in love at the end of a week? This was your big break? WTH?
Where is your own life? I can’t understand how your life is so dependent on this person. I think there are larger issues at play here and your life needs to be cleaned up.
Shay
In that one week, the connection I felt with him was undeniable. He made me feel in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time to the point where I wonder if dumping him for one disappointment was worth it. I now regret moving so fast but I just wanted to feel good. I know I’m a fool for it and I’ve learned a huge lesson.
I’ve spoken to his business partner about quitting but he wants me to remain there. But I have told him that I will directly deal with him and if I’m not given tasks regularly, I will quit. I guess I’ll also start looking for a job elsewhere. Thanks for the comments guys.Tallspicy
He doesn’t make you feel anything. Please learn why you are attracted to this. Because healthier people don’t do this. You can fix it within yourself!
Erin
You were infatuated with him, so yeah the ‘connection’ was epic. You don’t love this guy, why, because you don’t know him. You were in love with the idea of him and the potential of him, not the reality of him, which you found out soon enough, was pretty ugly. Now ask yourself again, if he had shown you that side of him before your ‘relationship’ would you still think the sun rises and sets on him. You would be thinking what an awful guy, glad I dodged that bullet!
Lane
Em, just use the art of flirting but don’t give him the the carrot. Tease the crap out of him but leave him hanging. Use your feminine wiles to get the money you need, while interviewing for better positions. It might work but it might not.
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