Narcissist, intimidated, or serious "Mommy issues "?


Home Forums Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? Narcissist, intimidated, or serious "Mommy issues "?

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  • #426619 Reply
    Katie B.

    Several months ago I started talking to a guy online. Come to learn that he’d been good friends with my older siblings and that we had already met. We began talking every and all throughout the day ( then talk for hours before bed). We live in different states so it was hard to get together for several months. However,we are both extremely religious (expressing to wait until married) so we had a lot in common in that sense. (BTW, we are both in our ur mid to late thirties.)He would ask things like “what type of wedding I wanted, how would I like to raise kids, and if it would be hard for me to move away from my family” ( to get married) etc. Also, things like “I know that I’m the one for you,” ” and your brother would be a great brother-in law,” etc. He would tell me everything about his family and info about his strained relationship with his mom ( he’d bring it up). I came out to visit two weeks ago for a week and the first 6 days were great. We would stay up late talking about each other’s lives and such (well mostly he’d talk) but yet he would always revert back to his mom and that screwed up relationship. I let him talk and listened attentively and with support, so I assumed that he was just comfortable being with me. Anytime any guy would look at me, he would get very jealous and protective and get very territorial. Now this man is successful, very attractive, but has no formal education while I hold several higher degrees. Any time I’d mention college ( not that often) he would be rude and insulting. Sometimes he’d talk about his experience at college (for a year) (I was never patronizing or anything) and I was polite and always said thank you for anything nice he’d do for me. However, several times he’d act like a jerk or nit pick at any little mistake I’d do and would make me sit and wait for hours while he would handle work stuff either at home or on the phone ( he was always on the phone!) He was mainly focused on looks ( both his and mine) and would constantly brag about his looks (fishing for compliments). At restaurants he’d sit directly next to me ( as close as possible) and would always make intense eye contact. However, he never tried to hold my hand, or put his hand around my waist, nothing! He would kiss me and hold on to me during “the goodnight” but that was it ( with an occasional “peck” here and there). My last night there we watched a movie in my room and I thought maybe he would try to make a move. Nothing! I put myself out there but he went hot to cold and began to ignore me. Finally, he abruptly got up to leave and said goodnight but something was obviously weird with him. He held on to me for a long time, kissed my lips and neck) then left and then drove me to the airport the next morning. He texted me that night to see if I got home safe but for several days following, I didn’t hear from him. 4 days later I casually texted him and asked him how he’s been and if everything was okay. His response was that the “chemistry was a little off for him but maybe we can hang out again when he’s out there in a couple months”; I felt like he was stringing me along so I replied that I agreed it was really strange before I left, but thanked him for his honestly. His response was “this happens sometimes and that we should remain friends”. But I never ( and haven’t) replied. That was it. It’s been almost 3 weeks and haven’t heard a word. This whole thing was just so weird. So, what was it? Insecure, women hater ( mom issues), narcissistic, or was it me? Never had anything like this happen to me… Very puzzling!

    #426624 Reply
    Laur

    Oh my, what a letdown. That’s the painful and exhausting part of dating I’m afraid…sometimes you just never know. You can wreck your brain trying to figure it out and then, only then, will you have…a theory or hypothesis. Even if you asked him directly, you might not get a straight answer. He did tell you, in so many words, that he’s no longer interested. For what reason….who the hell knows. But you keep your head high and stop wondering. Hardest lesson that I still haven’t completely mastered.

    #426625 Reply
    patsytshirt

    Nothing to do with you honey, thats what happens with online relationships. Online prince charming, in person a messed up freak. Lol
    There was this guy I dated online for months who was perfect but in person all he did was to talk about his exwife, gave me the cold shoulder treatment and he smoked non stop ( apparently the guy was so addicted that he even woke up in the middle of the night and left the bedroom went downstairs outside the hotel just to get his nicotine fix), I dont mind smoking but I never met someone who would be so dependant. I was shocked, he also brought vicodin pills in his luggage lol. He was so rude to me that I couldnt understand how can someone be so different. He was wonderful online. I guess texting helps a lot of weirdos to pretend to be normal.
    Delete, block him, dont contact him again

    #426627 Reply
    Khadija

    He has issues. Nothing to do with you at all.
    NEXT!

    #426628 Reply
    Ollie

    I agree with PatsyShirt! Completely block him from your life. He is clearly not who pretended to be on the phone, and you can do SO much better!!!!

    #426629 Reply
    Eric Charles
    Keymaster

    Weird, but other than for entertainment purposes I wouldn’t bother analyzing it…

    I would move on and not look back… some people are dealing with major issues and the last thing you want is to get sucked into their drama…

    Very odd situation, but hey… odd things can happen in life. I normally never say this, but I wouldn’t waste any time thinking about it… just a clean cut and move on without looking back.

    #426818 Reply
    Katie B.

    Thanks everyone for all the helpful feedback!! Sometimes it takes an outsider’s view to “slap some sense ” into me! I very much appreciate it. xoxo

    #426819 Reply
    Cici

    Patsytshirt you are my fav! I love reading your entertaining advice and always agree!!! Good Luck out there Katie B!!!

    #426838 Reply
    Amy S

    Hi. I think you dodged a bullet here. How anyone can talk of marriage and stuff to someone they never met is inconceivable to me. Absolute nonsense. I think the guy lives on a different planet and is a bit of a fantasist tbh. I think what to learn from this is not to invest any time, feelings or energy until you have spent a fair amount of time in this persons actual company as sometimes virtual guys are like virtual pets and casinos, they don’t actually exist. x

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