Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Is he not interested anymore, or am I overthinking it?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 1 year, 11 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Lola
I had bad dating experience before so I always overthink and am wary about the signals someone is sending.
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 weeks and went on 3 dates so far. First one was initiated by him, other two by me but he was always pretty enthusiastic when I brought going out. He initiates conversation almost everyday, but I’m usually the one that keeps it going on text and he keeps it going when we meet up. When I text, he responds within a couple of hours max and if it takes longer than that, he’d tell me what he was busy with. He asks what I’m doing, etc when the conversation dies down. He pays for our dates (Yes, I did offer) and drives me home. He let it slip that he told his best friend about me, and said that he puts effort to text me although he doesn’t really like texting.
Although, here come the things that make me wonder whether I’m receiving mixed signals. I know he has a busy life, but he doesn’t usually initiate meeting up. I usually do that. Also, he’s not very attentive on text and would be dry sometimes (would end up restarting the convo with ‘wyd rn’ though). Also, he cut our last date short (2 and a half hours in) because he wanted to go home and sleep. He apologized a couple of times, though, and even texted afterwards to apologize again.Today is also our first day without talking (the last text was ‘good luck’ which I sent to him yesterday) and he didn’t initiate anything today, and neither did I.
Am I overthinking this? And how can I communicate effectively without scaring him away? His birthday is tomorrow, by the way.
Raven
You’re doing way too much initiating.
Liz Lemon
I agree with Raven, you’re doing too much initiating. You’re also overthinking. You’ve only had 3 dates, you should be letting him initiate dates and seeing how attentive he is, instead of trying to force things and control the outcome.
Texting isn’t nearly as important as the effort a guy makes to see you and take you out. So it’s not a good sign that he doesn’t initiate dates and that he ended a date early to go home and sleep…in my opinion that’s a sign that he isn’t that excited to see you. (When I met my bf he was working 10 hour days and getting up at 5 am for work…when we had a date, he would come home from work and take a nap before taking me out).
How’d you two meet? If you met over a dating app, he’s probably talking to and possibly seeing other women.
Lola
We met through Bumble, yes, but he deleted it 1-2 weeks ago. His birthday is today, I was gonna suggest an outing sometime this week (so I can also repay him for paying for all our dates) but should I just hold off on that for now, and just tell him a happy birthday?
Anna
you must really like this guy, but read your post again and think if this was your friend what advice would you give?
texting as others said is not that important, but I still think you should be hearing from a guy at least once a day , to be honest I feel like if you didn’t initiate other two dates , your interactions with him would have ended after 1 st date.
In my opinion he isn’t interested and for the future you should date people who are excited to see you, who can’t wait to see you, someone who wouldn’t even want to go home because they enjoy spending time together not someone who needs to go home… To be brutally honest with you, this guy is probably thinking OMG I told her not his words , but I am sure is what he meant: I am bored so I’d rather go home and sleep and she is still texting me, she must be crazy!
I know in your head you will find excuses for his behaviour, busy life etc but when a man wants you , you will know, he will find time for you, even if it is just an hour to meet for a coffee.Jane
Three weeks… He is a stranger. You should not even be worried about his texting patterns.
You should try to meet other men.
Tallspicy
Please stop initiating all these dates? What are your beliefs that you don’t trust that you will be courted properly. Please read up about insecure attachment. You should be initiating as a reward to him for doing the heavy lifting for 3-5 dates. It is one thing to text occasionally. He is not your boyfriend and you need to add what I am revising as the 0 f$Cks of dating to the easy flow of let go of dating and life: healthy people don’t try to control people to be in their lives. They trust the path they are on and know the right people stay.
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