He insists it's FWB but treats me like a girlfriend?

Actually, we do tell women to live in the moment. But if someone is looking for a relationship of any kind (one that is committed, exclusive and with potential to develop into something more substantive) then getting involved with a guy who clearly wants nothing more than very casual FWB is not the way to go.

No man will ever tell a woman this unless he means it. A guy won’t risk losing a woman he could see any long term possibility with. A man who finds a woman he isn’t willing to risk losing, doesn’t put himself at risk. If you want a relationship, you have to begin by weeding out the guys who don’t want one. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone just because you “wore them down” and they have nothing better going on? That’s the picture of low self worth.

If someone is capable of having fun without any type of investment in this type of situation, that is very different than someone who is obviously wanting more. This OP wants what her FWB has never intended or been willing to give her. And he’s practically shouting it in her face.

Would you spend a ton of money, sweat equity, and time remodeling a place you can only rent, knowing you will never get the investment back, and it will never be yours? To me, that’s the definition of a waste of time and energy. I am not saying to treat people as objects. But I am saying to be more discerning of who and how you invest in a person/relationship. I don’t invest in obvious (clearly stated or proven) dead ends. That’s an effort in futility and frustration.

It doesn’t make sense to put our time, hearts, and energy into something lacking the potential to yield what you want. People do it all the time in the stock market. They refuse to sell a losing stock because their ego doesn’t want to admit it “didn’t work out as they’d hoped”.

Well, holding on to a losing proposition isn’t a strategy, and it isn’t a plan. It’s wishful thinking.

Wishful thinking never propelled anyone to success. Optimism has to be tempered with reality and the facts.

That’s the difference between a calculated (researched and well thought out) risk, and a roll of the dice.

Once is an investment, one is pure speculation. Speculation is gambling. I don’t gamble with my emotions and my time. But I will risk it…for a worthwhile prospect.

That is the difference.

Men mean what they say. So no matter how relationshipy he acts in your opinion, you have to believe what he says because that is his truth. Here’s a silly way of thinking about it, say you tell someone many times you want a hamburger & they say but you act like you want ice cream. You still just want a burger, otherwise why would you be telling them that

Hi Vey

I believe you are very content in your relationship the way it is since you really didn’t listen to any of the posters advice. You continue to accept his reasons and excuses so not sure why you are even on here seeking or viewing advice.

I only want to say that if this is OKAY with you then go ahead …sometimes we need to learn from our own experiences. My only question here is what does he have to lose to make you his girlfriend???? If he is acting like a boyfriend as you state what is the issue ….OK so he is bipolar and is afraid that his mood swings will cause issues? Well you now know his situation so even if you were BF/GF he still has a right to break up and break your heart its part of life. I just don’t see his reasoning…..

I was with someone for several years who never wanted to get married his excuse was why get married when we already do all the things married couples do. OK because a marriage certificate shows your willing to commit and guess what you still have all the benefits of when we were dating. So what is the real reason fro not wanting to make that official step???? It goes both ways its just a matter of how much your willing to sacrifice to keep him happy and you remain miserable.

Look vey,
Im not a nay sayer because i have a negative outlook. Quite the opposite.
I know you think you beat the odds and i hope you do if you want to be with this man. But i can only see his bipolar statement as a new disclaimer to be wishy washy.
So proceed with caution i would say and post an update now and then. Hope it works out

why do you want to be with a mentally unstable man?

Let me be a bit more clear. That guy went into panic mode too: either if i wanted to break it off and if i wanted to get closer. I do think it were his own mental issues standing in the way,but he couldnt adress them, didnt want to fix them, didnt want to talk about it. So what can you do?

No i think ifs a disease called relationshipinittish

stop accepting crumbs. that was exactly my response when reading it: if he liked you THAT much and didn’t want to lose you THAT much then why couldn’t he just label it? What’s the wrong in doing that?

look. you’re telling us this story and since we’re not emotionally invested we can see the holes in it. you wouldn’t be posting here if you weren’t feeling uneasy or unsure. you’re feeling that way because of the obvious reason of: your man is unsure about what he wants w/ you, therefore you’re feeling this way. go forward at your own peril

Honestly, unless your an expert in mental illnesses, you are woefully unprepared to deal with a man like this. I believe your a co-dependent because a confident, strong and independent woman would not tolerate behavior like this, one who is not would.

He’s either really mentally ill or playing the rebound game. Trust me, his cover will be blown either way and you’ll be left with zero self-esteem or wasted a bunch of your time. Your an adult and can make your own decisions but don’t discount the naysayers just yet, as it can easily implode next week, or next month—need at least a few months before you can make any valid judgments.

Not boasting about my relationship because we certainly have our moments. I’ve been with men like yours and I settled, thinking it was an actual reason to be patient with someone and accepted to be treated that way and learned the hard way a few times.

He makes time for me, he invites me everywhere, pays for everything, he calls me his GIRLFRIEND, I’ve met his family and close friends, we go on trips together and he pays for all of it, we have a future together, we do everything together, he’s open about everything, he checks in with me with everything (I’ve never had to ask him, he does it on his own), he has NEVER made an excuse or reason to not be in a relationship with me…and guess what he has anxiety and depression and yet he has never ever ever once told me or made excuses to NOT be in a relationship or dating even early on. Everyone tells us that it’s obvious we love each other.

Bottom line: When someone wants to be with you they move mountains and not give excuses. They will do everything and anything to keep you and let it be known to the world you are together.

I don’t want to come across as discriminatory against the mentally ill. I do believe that you can be mentally ill and function with the proper medication and intervention.

Here is the problem: your guy doesn’t sound that stable.

You were having major issues before you declared yourself to be “dating.” This was at the time in your relationship when he should have been putting his best foot forward. If this was his best foot, what on earth is his worst foot gonna look like?

The man I am currently dating was married to a woman who was mentally ill. When they were dating she was completely stable and on medication and appeared to function and seemed normal. Once they married and moved in together…he said it turned into a nightmare. All the things she had hidden from him came at him all once. To make matters worse, she stopped taking her medication, refused to shower, etc etc…

And this was a woman who loved him wholeheartedly and desperately wanted to be well and make it work.

I don’t see this from your guy. I’m sorry but I see this as only ending in heartache for you. However, your journey is yours and it may be this was a crucial step in your path. In the end, right or wrong, we all follow our hearts not our heads.

You take the advice that sounds best to you and like i said before i hope it works out.
So i understood he made you a couple while having a panick attack? I say go with the flow and revisit your thread in a month and read what most of us are saying. We are not denying your happiness, we are not a bunch of bitter women having issues with mentally unstable men, we dont want to be right. But give it a change and who knows

The first time you said you were dating, you didn’t use the word ‘partner’, you just said dating.

Dating is what you do with anyone who takes you on more than one date and does not mean being in a relationship.

I get you are maybe frustrated with this thread because no one likes being confronted with people disagreeing with you.

So you’re lashing out because it’s a sensitive subject. I get it. I’ve been on your side too.

Just don’t burn all your bridges on this site because you may want to come back for advice later on. These ladies are pretty good at what they do. They are just trying to help and going off of the situation you are describing.

Hope it works out for you.

And cut the heteronormative shenanigans, you know that’s not what they were doing.