Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Explicit Instructions on How To Be The PRIZE He Wants
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Lane.
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Stefanie
Matthew Hussey video on YouTube called Why Men Lose Interest Once You Show Yours. Audio quality on Matt not great, but you can get it.
Exact instructions on how and why to be the Prize, and why trying too hard loses the guy.
Harley
I just watched it.
I found it Ok….not as good as I expected.
I thought he waffled too much before and after he got to the main points.
but yes..All info to help get a better relationship is welcome.
Eric CharlesKeymasterKelly — don’t let me catch you ever saying something like that to/about another forum member. That is totally uncalled for.
To weigh in on the discussion:
A lot of people like to throw around terms like “be the prize” and “neediness” and a bunch of other stuff…
Honestly, I don’t like most of the terms out there… but I use them and talk about them because those are the terms being used in general in the “relationship advice” sphere… and I’d rather enter the discussion and give people helpful ways to untangle the mess…
In regards to “being the prize”, here’s what you need to know…
A lot of women fixate on what a guy isn’t doing, isn’t saying, etc. Then they try to figure out a way to make the situation that they want happen… they read articles, try different schemes to make him do whatever they want him to do, probe him, analyze him, etc.
This is shoving a square peg through a round hole… this is chasing him… this is the opposite of being a prize.
Being a prize simply means that instead of chasing him and trying to get him to do something or be a certain way, you focus on your own mood and self-improvement…
Your mood is incredibly important to protect… women who are in a great mood and feel good internally naturally show up as very attractive to the outside world. Look around and you’ll observe this to be true.
Your mood is what will translate to your inner beauty… your vibe… and will determine how easily you’ll form a strong, lasting connection with others.
Then of course, there’s your self-improvement. Learning to be the best “you” that you can be is great… it gives you a feeling that life is getting better and better every day. It gives you inspiration and hope.
Part of being the best you that you can be is doing what you can to improve your looks and body as much as is possible for you. I’m not talking about hitting some crazy Hollywood beauty standard. I’m talking about making your physical appearance something that you value and enhance as much as you can.
Those are the major things to focus on… if you’re someone who people want to be around, your market value is going to be high… you’ll be in demand… and when you’re in demand, you have choice… when you have choice, naturally you’ll choose to spend time with the people who you would enjoy being with the most. You simply wouldn’t have time for everyone who wants your attention… you are in demand, you are the chooser.
More importantly, when you’re in demand, you won’t choose to spend your time on someone who isn’t willing to put in the effort or treat you the way you want to be treated.
All in all, being the prize isn’t so much about asserting how great you are as it is about simply not chasing after people that don’t want to put in the effort.
Being the prize simply means that you are actively in the role of being the “chooser”, not the “chaser”. This doesn’t mean the guy can’t also be a “chooser” as well – in fact, in a best case scenario, you are both choosing each other.
As I was saying earlier, many people make the mistake of desperately clinging to and fixating upon some person who isn’t giving them the responses they want… so they try to force things to work. That’s being a “chaser”.
Being a “chooser” means that you don’t stop dating until you actually find the guy who treats you the way you want to be treated and with whom you have the relationship that you actually want. I can’t stress that enough: You don’t stop dating until you actually have what you want.
Hope that helps,
eric charles
Becky
Thank you Eric! I so needed to hear those words today :) I tend to be a chaser fixating on one guy, even though I have options and know there are other guys attracted to me. I tend to only see the one guy that I am crushing on usually the one that isn’t treating me the greatest or is playing hard to get. I need to take control and stop wasting my time on guys that are not that into me.
It helped a lot
Becky
patty
Thanks Eric! You’re absolutely right. I needed that today. Thanks
Harley
Great article.
Sin
A friend of mine gave me this small piece of advice which seems to work pretty well for me. She said ‘If you’re getting to know a bunch of guys and like one more than the others, treat him the same way like you treat the others. ie: Be nice and polite, however let him take the lead since you have options and not get too excited about anything till you know you’re with a kepper’
Sin
Keeper*
Eric CharlesKeymaster@Anonymous – No, don’t paraphrase my words. Your “in other words” is your interpretation of what I wrote layered with an angry, confrontational tone.
There’s this whole “I don’t put up with sh**” persona that is extremely off-putting to everyone… not just guys. These women think it comes off as strength, but it really comes off as angry and not enjoyable to be around.
Strength is not anger. Strength is knowing that you’re OK and there’s no problem, so there’s no reason for you to get angry or have any sort of negative reaction towards others… since you know that you have choice and you choose what you want.
buttercup
Eric, its good to see you pop into the forum. I hope you can stick around for a while.
Would be good to have the forum monitored by you for a while as its had some unsavory characters bringing the place down lately.
It’s always been a great place to come for support and advice, and of course, to help and support others. Many of the girls here have been my rock over the last year, the worst year of my life.
To see this place shut down because of one or two unsavory characters would be a real shame.
Thank you for dropping by
Ivy
I really like this quote “Your mood is what will translate to your inner beauty” by Eric Charles. I think if most people could focus on that maybe 80% of their issues would disspear, plus when you truly feel good about yourself, being with someone that doesn’t make you feel good feels foreign and you would naturally reject it.
I will just add that even a woman who isn’t in demand can still behave like a woman who is naturally confident and a prize. I know some intoverted people who are smart, classy and not really people who date tons but they value themselves so much that when they meet someone who isn’t treating them well, they don’t keep them in their lives at all.
On the other hand I know women who get asked out tons and have lots of social opportuniy but they have difficulty finding men for good dates let alone relationships, yet they are in higher demand in many ways but accept worse treatment.
Oh and I totally love “you don’t stop dating until you actually have what you want” by Eric Charles, that is very simple and very powerful.
Lady T
“There’s this whole “I don’t put up with sh**” persona that is extremely off-putting to everyone… not just guys. These women think it comes off as strength, but it really comes off as angry and not enjoyable to be around.”
I could not agree more with this…
Phillygirl
Absolutely Lady T.
Strength does not translate to angry, defensive, or a bully. It is the exact opposite.
When you are centered and love yourself, you are naturally more empathetic and able to pour love out on others.
A bully is someone who is hurting and feels so small and powerless they strike out to hurt others. It is operating from a place of weakness, fear, insecurity, pain, and suffering.
Many times we think that putting up walls (sometimes more resembling a fortress) that it shows our strength.
But real strength comes when we lower our defenses enough to let someone worthwhile and deserving in, and take a chance. We accept we only control a very small sphere of the universe, our own behavior and thoughts.
We give people an opportunity to earn the right to get close. We know we may be hurt, but the journey is worth the risk. And if someone abuses that trust, they are quickly removed from our lives, and it does not have to be done with any real drama. Because you recognize it is one more learning experience. It may cause some temporary pain. That is okay. Because every lesson makes us stronger, if we grow from it.
A hero is never someone unafraid or fearless. It is the person who is willing to recognize and accept their fear, while moving forward.
I have quite a few heroes on this site :)
Stefanie
THANK YOU ERIC! Great clarification on what being the prize means. I know it’s kind of a cliche, but it’s an easy mantra to remind me to be my best self. Audrey Hepburn said “the prettiest girls are the happiest girls.” From my time here, I think most of the problems us girls posting here have are because we over focus on him rather than doing our best to be our best selves and taking total responsibility for our attitudes and choices. That’s why I posted the suggestion to watch the video. I felt Matt explained what being the prize means and what happens when you try too hard and how it pushes a man away.
I’ve been here 6 months now and ANM has changed my life. I’ve read your ebook and it helped tremendously, one of the best reads on relationships. Also your emails and pieces on this site help. The forum has helped me too. I’ve made some real friends from being here. Thank you so much for everything you and Sabrina do. I”m so glad you dropped in on this post. Within the past month it’s gotten weird here. There are too many fake posts and too many people throwing needless, unprovoked personal insults at the regulars. Harley and Lane and Tallady in particular have been targeted. Their style is pretty straight up no nonsense, which I understand isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I know they are trying to help and not be cruel. They don’t deserve to be insulted the way Kelly is doing to Harley every time Harley posts these days.
I keep coming here because I want to help other ladies the way I was helped when I had a crisis with a man I was dating. I got the 8 week crash course in men and my own self esteem and proper behavior and mindset for dating and love. This is amazing because it’s FREE. I saved thousands in therapist fees by coming here. I know the other regulars come here because they genuinely want to help others too.
Jenny
Lol. How to be “the prize” he wants… That’s SO offputting to me. I understand the intent but to phrase it like that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. WHY would I strive to be the prize HE wants??! Doesn’t that somewhat create inauthentic behavior? I would’ve maybe prefered something along the lines of ‘How to be THE PRIZE you know you are’ or something close to that effect. To me, it ultimately comes down to enjoying one another’s company. If you’re receptive enough you can generally determine how two people are getting along; are they comfortable, angry, loving, awkward, fearful, and so on. Interacting with people you always get “a vibe”, regardless of what some say *and unless they’re sociopaths* you get a feel for how they’re feeling at the moment and it in turn, affects your own feelings and behavior… In situations where you care for someone the reaction to sadness is *hopefully* compassion, to pain is consolation, to fear is reassurance. It becomes more difficult in the beginning stages of any form of relationship I think *friends/suitors because you’re not as well connected so things like anxiety and tension, insecurity, and “neediness” create this “vibe” that’s unappealing and the natural reaction is to withdrawal from the situation. But the tough part is to in actuality BE none of those things *which is a matter of you and your mental stability* But who LIKES being in “heavy” energy? Nobody I know… The goal is to leave an interaction thinking “Oh my gosh, that was SOOOOOOO fun!” that feeling then translates to “I can’t wait to do it again!”… If it’s right, emotions become invested and respect and admiration take the place of that “SOOOOOOOO fun” feeling and hopefully you’re left with a solid, healthy realtionship. That’s my opinion at least
Jenny
But I love Eric’s last post in reference to strength… Knowing that you have a choice and you choose what you want. Says it all! *as long as your emotionally stable of course. Lol
Harley
Great posts everyone. A very good topical debate going on here. I love Jennys take on things that we are the prize for US…not for men.
Stefanie
Jenny, Harley – to me, inherently implied in being The Prize is it is for you first. I added “that he wants” because so many girls here post on how do I get him to text me, ask me out, etc. They are asking the wrong question. But I added those words so those girls who need to read about being the prize the most would be attracted to read it. It’s like Christian Carter calls his program Catch Him And Keep Him which I personally find repulsive but it works to get women reading his stuff and buying his program, which is better than I thought it would be. Not my first recommendation, but decent. Give them what they think they want and then teach them what they actually need. Sometimes that is the best strategy.
A prize is a prize is a prize. It means you know your value and you only want to be around those who see that for themselves.
Lane
Bumping for Harley :-)
patsytshirt
I loved Matthew Hussey youtube channel, amazing! watched several videos yesterday and today, thank you so much for sharing with us Stefanie!!! extremely helpful, I really needed to watch one of his videos where he teached how to be strong when you are the most weak. Got me teary eyed. Truly fantastic.
And wow, hi Eric!!! you’re great! thanks for all the advice and your book <3 <3 ;)
(notice my subtle flirting here hahah )redcurleysue
There has been trouble on this forum from several women that want to cause disruption. It is immature and does not help regular posters get their point across without being called names or personally attacked.
That is not the purpose of this forum – it is to help women. I hope Eric that you will monitor and call out these women like you did with Kelly so they will stop. Please check for emails concerning this issue since so much has gone on lately..I know several posters who either have emailed you or said they wanted to.
Thank you.
Sassperilla
I agree, I think this board either needs moderated or you should have to create an account before you can post. That way people can’t claim to be others or post under multiple names or anonymously.
maria
It’s quite simple IMO…
1. You attract what you are. Be the best you you can be. Be happy, confident and nice and you will attract happy, confident and nice.
2. Let go of all expectations. Live in, experience and observe the moment.
3. Ask yourself if it/he is right for you or not, and if it/he isn’t – walk away (next!).
Great to see you in here, Eric. I hope you stick around… for two reasons – you give awesome advice, and your presence kinda keeps the trolls from trolling. I know you’re busy, but I’m pretty sure that we’d have far less trolls in her if you popped in like once a month or so…
Mar
Yes! I’ve seen this video before, loved it, and am so glad it’s now being discussed on my favorite dating advice forum of all time.
Eric Charles or anybody with input on this–I do have a question about what’s discussed in this vid, tho, and I’ve always wondered this. And please bear with me because I agree 100 percent with this advice and use it very successfully in my own dating life. But if I better understood it I could implement it even more effectively.
It seems a bit ironic that the woman is called the chooser, when in reality she is the one hanging back, playing cool, and being approached and pursued by men. She is not supposed to truly choose who she sees and wants, but simply discern among the ones who choose HER. Of all the men approaching her, she is supposed to choose the one who is putting in the most effort.
Not the guy at the coffee shop she has a crush on. Not the guy she sees online with great hair and a great career. In this way, she is not supposed to have any real choice. She is supposed to hang back and let her heart be caught by the man with the most effective net.
Now, like I said, I do understand this. But as a woman it’s extremely frustrating for me sometimes. I like what I like. I know exactly what I like in men and what I don’t. There isn’t much wiggle room there. Call me shallow, call me picky–initial attraction IS shallow!
I’m sure the ideal is to keep dating until you find a man who wants you WHOM YOU ALSO ACTUALLY WANT. But this almost never happens for me. I have men blowing up my cell phone and banging down my door to go on dates. And yet I find myself either physically unattracted, or physically just “not that excited”, towards them.
I don’t really want anyone who doesn’t want me. But I also get frustrated with the idea that I’m supposed to just sit here and get won over. God forbid I go ahead and make a move on the tall, sexy, funny, charming man just because I want him. I’m automatically shooting myself in the foot that way, because he hasn’t “earned” that phone call from me. I hope this makes sense. It’s a feeling of, “Jeez, I have to sit here with duct tape over my mouth.”
Eric, help me understand & embrace this further!
Nadia
I am an older woman and now learning this. My whole life I’ve been chasing men once they’ve shown interest and each and every time my heart would break when it all fell apart. I would wonder what i did wrong without realizing it. I had not a clue. I always wondered what other women had that i didn’t. It’s stopping here…NOW! Thank you so very much for publishing this information. I knew there was something i wasn’t getting and now i know. I hope to salvage my relationship of 6 months.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am forever grateful. -
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