Casual dating – hes having sex with other women ?!

well am I going to give him the impression that I’m looking for a commitment and scare him off?!

How do I ask him without sounding commitment like

I already know he doesn’t want something serious. I am ok with that however. I am a monogamous casual dater, if that makes sense. I can only focus on one guy while just having the casual fun, intimacy and dating experience. Just no expectations of a long term thing.

this one’s a tough one.
i always said that i wouldn’t sleep with a man until i knew he was committed and asked for a committmment.

however, sex is a big part and seeing if you’re compatible in that department is a huge piece of the puzzle, for me at least. you need emotional and physical comfort to have a lasting relationship. so for guys that i meet (i don’t ask them when’s the last time they’ve had sex) whose to say those guys that i’ve actually dated just had sex with a woman last night, and i didn’t know because i didn’t ask them? i always expect guys to be out there dating and hooking up with other women (MEN especially), and if they come across someone with whom they’re willing to lock down, he’ll let you know. of course, you can tell with some more than others if they’re really just looking for a good time with anyone, and not looking for a committment any time soon. for those, you make fast, sweeping decision to not see them again (if they give you the vibe or the clues that they’re really out looking for fun).

NOW. in this scenario – if he was open and honest with you – that was great. it was all you can ask for. i personally, wouldn’t continue to date him (and once again, you’re only 4 dates in) …it just changes things. he SOUNDS like a guy who seems to be looking for fun, and i would be quite turned off by a guy who just told me that bit of valuable but also damning piece of information. thanks for telling me, but now i know – so i will put a screeching halt to the way things are going.

it’s really based on your individual sense about this man. can you trust him? how do you feel around him? how does he feel about you? is he spending time with you? going out of his way to take you out, to BUILD a relationship with you and giving you SIGNS that he wants it to go somewhere. if you feel good about this guy HOLD one boundary close – don’t sleep with him until you know he wants it to go somewhere with you. but you should be seeing other guys as well. i think you’re pretty turned off by his response, so quite honsetly – i think you should let him go. if you can’t overlook it the first time, itll always be seared into your head, and you won’t forget it. it seems like the risks outweigh the good for you -so based on how you sound, i’d let him go. no harm, no foul – you didn’t know this guy for THAT long. and find someone who is strongly committed to wanting to get to know you, without saying and spraying that he’s been with other women just DAYS ago. it doesn’t float your boat, so it’s easy. walk and don’t look back. Good luck

Sounds like you like him and want something more than casual but probably just going along with whatever he wants convincing yourself you want it too. If you really wanted casual then you wouldnt care what he is doing with other girls. The health reason is bs in my opinion.

if you girls were OK with casual, it wouldn’t bother you if a man with sleeping with others too ?

I think you don’t want him sleepign with others more for emotional reasons that health reasons, but you can always go with the health reasons as an excuse to bring it up. It’s totally legit– you don’t wanna catch something, etc.

Don’t think there is a normal these days, that is half the problem, everyone is making it up as they go along and nobody knows what the rules of engagement are. It is different for everyone but I reckon as soon as you have to start asking questions about your FWB then it means you are not that casual about it. How can you care and not care?

Natalia,
chances are, if he was straight up from the start that he isn’t looking for anything serious…he’s dating other women

I think he probably is seeing other women.
Perhaps sleeping with others too.
I’d ask and if you are not okay with his answer don’t become intimately involved.

“Are you using protection with the other women you are sleeping with? ” – this is a trap and quite disrespectful to a person. Whatever he says can be used against him. It is also quite self humiliating.

I think it is better to ask for exclusivity and during this conversation you’d find out whether he was sleeping around or not. If he was, then you walk away. Especially because you are catching feelings. But even without feelings, why the hell would ANY woman want to be in this situation?

Most guys have no problem being exclusive in a FWB or casual dating. So long so you agree that there is no future and no expectations and that you’d let each other know when to end things.