Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › bf wants a break, but still contacts me consantly, more dettails. inside…
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 6 years, 7 months ago by
Joe.
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emily
okay so my bf of 2 years recently asked for ask for time and space think he. he says he needs to figure things out because he doesn’t really know where he is going with his life and needs to figure things out and wants to be sure he wants to be in a relationship. he says he loves me and im the best thing thats happened to him, but he rather be in the relationship when hes 100% of what he wants. he says that he feels like we are too young to be getting serious (we are 24) and that we still have so much to experience. (i know what your all thinking, he wants other girls, but he is really not like that. he may think that he wants other girls, but hes more of a loner than a player).
i asked him if its a break or break up and he couldnt say, he says he doesnt want to lose what we have and hes gonna regret it and we shouldnt ‘fool around’ while he is taking this ‘space’, but he will do whatever is easier for me. well i was like both options suck. but i said i had hope for us as a couple. as far as i know, he hasnt told anyone we are on a break or whatever and we have not exchanged stuff or brought up the fact of stuff. heres the big thing, we still work together and see eachother one day a week, and he still contacts me practically every day. i dont want talk cause its painful, but i dont want to seem bitchy and ignore him, especially since we have to be professional and work together.
i kinda want to have no contact for awhile so he realizes he misses me. but i miss him and do want to talk to him, he has become my best friend. what should i do?! and i know a lot of people are going to say move on, but i just can’t I want to try and make something work… so basically, how should i act around him? short and polite, or normal and outgoing? idk… so confused..
Stefanie
It sounds like he’s on his way out. Read Eric’s posts about what a guys says about not wanting to be in a relationship. It is code for doesn’t want to be with you. I”m so sorry to have to say that.
You have every right to say politely, I’d rather that we keep it to necessary work contact only so I can have the space I need too.
You can certainly TRY to work it out. But trying to convince a man – or anyone – that he needs you is counterproductive.
Harley
Take Stefanie s advice. but…If you won’t. ..mirror his actions. If he is short. ..you be short. If he is all warm and chat…you be all warm and chat. let him come back to you though.5
Stefanie
Thanks for the back-up Harley and the additional point about mirroring… I’ve used that one to my advantage as of late.
The other thing Emily… take this as a lesson about the wisdom of getting involved with someone you work with… it’s UNWISE. It’s a b**** when it blows up in your face like this.
Harley
Yep. ..agree with S.i would pull back a bit and not be sooo available. If. ..say after a month …He does not want to get back together I’d have the balls to ask him where does he see this relationship going…I’d he does not know….let him go for good. you cannot wait around for ever. In the meantime…get glammed up…go out.. meet others….even if it kills you. It MAY make him step up.
emily
thanks Harley and Stefanie, this helpful! we only started working together after we were dating for a year, long story, but never again, thats for sure… i am definitely mirroring his actions and not contacting him first. i always make sure i look amazing, espeically when i know im going to see him.
he def likes his alone time, maybe its because hes an only child, whereas i love being around him all the time and can never have too much time away from him. i guess i also need to learn to have a life without him. i do want to work things out with him because i do love him and theres a lot more good than bad, he just gets really close and then freaks out because he thinks i am going to hurt him, hes told me this before, in a way. but i’m giving him a month before i ask where are we going and make a decision. i just wish i had more to keep me distracted from thinking about him and my biggest problem is overthinking EVERYTHING. everything he says or the way he sounds, i overthink it and i cant help it and it really sucks.
Harley
Oh yep….know how you feel. The guy I wanted a future with just told me to feck off politely. .am just trying to jeep busy and not think of him. know your self worth…..never want a man who does not want you !
emily
okay guys update, ill give you the sparks notes version. as i said before, we work together, so thursday we had to go to a work event together. we meet a his place so we can take one car, we end up taking mine and the car ends up breaking down. so we are stranded together waiting for a tow and he tells me how amazing i look and he hates not being around me. but i dont take any of this to heart, im still trying to keep my distance until hes sure of what he wants. so it ended up where my car was totally shot and i was stranded at his place from thursday till monday. and the whole time, its like our ‘space and time’ fight, never happened. we ended up going to a family and block party, where he introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend. he also made a point to bring up a situation where he could call himself my boyfriend, like ‘did you tell the mechanic that your boyfriend is a customer’, etc. he paid for everything and cooked and when i saw his family they had no idea we were on a break or whatever. so basically, im really confused because i dont know where we stand even further.
im still not going to be as girlfriendy as i normally am, like i wont ask to hang out until he offers and we can really talk about where we are. plus, his family is expecting me at thanksgiving and his mom invited me, but he really didnt… so i dont know.
Stefanie
And you think this stuff is ACCIDENTAL… LOL. (I”m not implying that it was deliberately engineered… I’m saying the universe lines up the strangest things)
Make him WORK for you, good for you not to just roll over and fall for all of this.
emily
haha you are so right, i totally thought the same thing about universe setting it up. because if my car had not broke down, we would have went to the work event, it would have been super lame (it was, we caught the last 20 min) and i would have went home that night.
the thing that bugs me though is that im still not invited to thanksgiving, even though his whole family is expecting me there. its not just because of this ‘space time’ confusion we are in, we never really celebrate the holidays together, which stinks cause his family is awesome and my family doesnt celebrate the holidays. is it weird that im not invited, that he just likes keeping it family only on holidays?
Curious
It’s been awhile. What happened with this guy?
Hazel
I’m going through a very similar situation and came across this page. I’m really curious to know what happened. Hope everything worked out for you
Rocio
My boyfriend of two years asked me for space yesterday. Here’s what happened I started to believe that he no longer loved me bc we have different schedules this year and I barely see him at college. We go out and have a blast but then my anxiety starts to creep in and fills my head with doubts and bad thoughts. I asked him if he loved me and wanted to be with me and he said yes to both. I kept nagging him with the same questions bc I was bring petty and childish and he said he wanted space. I feel like I pressured him into this with my insecurities and idk what to do. Here’s the thing be texted me first today and I’m replying as nothing happened. This is the first “fight” we’ve had and idk what I can do to fix it.
Joe
Rocio, you should start your own thread. This one is 3 years old.
Stop nagging him with questions! He’s tired of it and if you don’t stop, the break will turn into a breakup. You could apologize, but maybe being happy and upbeat would be better. If a guy thinks he can’t make you happy, he will give up the relationship.
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