Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What Happened?
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Lane.
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J
I met this guy on match and we met up for coffee after talking for a couple of days. We got along really well, the chemistry was there, we had matching values, so we decided to go on another date.
In between dates we talked on the phone quite a bit and message whenever we had the chance. We went on another date and again it went really well and again said we would meet up again the following week. Throughout the week we only had one call and messaged when we could since we had busy weeks.
We went on this last date and things seemed to be continuing to go really well, we laughed and had a great time. We ended the date talking about meeting up together the following week again. After this date he messaged me and I responded and then didn’t hear from him for a couple of days. I wasn’t too worried until I messaged him again and he responded once and then I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days again. That happened one more time of him responding and then just being silent for days. I messaged him after the weekend hoping he had fun and never heard from him.
I really liked this guy and have no idea what happened since things seemed to be going really well! What do I do?
Tallspicy
We? There is no we. Honey, you need to let him do all the work for at least 4 dates. And you should not care what some dude you went on 3 dates with thinks or does. Until a man in your boyfriend, you should give 0 fs, and you should only be intitating if he is very consistent. He showed you by not asking you out again and a few days that he is not consistent and therefore, does not earn your communication. You contacted him first twice when you saw he was pulling back, dont do that again. It does not mean he is not interested, it just means he has to keep earning you. He is not interested anymore so move onto someone who will be!
Tallspicy
You erase his number, and care less about men who are not real, which all men are until they suggest you are their girlfriend.
Sensy
Space may have been needed for the guy to know what he was feeling.
Liz Lemon
He’s on Match so is presumably dating other women. He might have met someone he connected with better. Or maybe you two didn’t have the great connection you thought you did, and he’s just not feeling it. When I was online dating I dated a couple of guys who thought we had an amazing connection, who I thought were total bores, and I had to let them down gently– so just because one person thinks things are “going well”, doesn’t mean both people do.
You’ve been on 3 dates. Just move on. You shouldn’t be sending this guy multiple messages (especially when he’s not responding!) and chasing him. It’s embarrassing. A guy who’s interested in you will do the work and contact you and ask to see you. Unfortunately this is what online dating is about. Most guys you meet, you will not connect with beyond a few dates.
Liz Lemon
I’m not implying you’re a total bore, by the way! My point was, you obviously felt strong chemistry with him, but it sounds like the chemistry and attraction wasn’t there for him on the same level. He obviously liked you well enough to go on 3 dates, but doesn’t feel strongly enough to want to see you again. It’s really simple, you don’t have to overthink it. It’s not what you want to hear, but you need to accept he doesn’t feel what you feel.
Angel
J, I can totally relate- I am new to this forum and been on Match for a month or so after consulting the ladies here about breaking off my past relationship. I have been eating and drinking this forum advice in the meantime :) To share my track record so you have perspective:
– ghosted in midst of a whatsapp chat!! lol / sigh..
– blocked after two dates and suggested third home date which i politely declined citing covid…
– guy saying he will call only to not call but text in circles for days after
– ‘consistent’ caller/texter who then disappeared after i went on holiday.
It’s a mixed bag really but I agree on match guys chat to multiple women and you should do the same with guys. All we can do is keep following the good advice on this forum, not lose heart and not take it personally.J
Thank you so much. All of you were very helpful and I appreciate the advice. It has been a few years since I have dated so it was hard to hear but I am glad for the honesty!
Lane
A few years…try over 20 years lol. I too was trying to navigate the “new dating field” (aka “online”) when I divorced my husband and felt like I had dropped on a different planet! It actually brought me here lol, and here I am, what feels like a decade, trying to help ladies navigate it too.
Honestly, the online market was a disaster, as there were too many flakes, liars (profile and person didn’t match) so I went back to my “old school” style of dating by meeting men in real life v. virtual. It worked far better for me as I knew how to navigate that far much better than the wild, wild online world that led me to eventually meeting my [second] one :o)
When dating today, you need to keep your expectations super low! Men are dating in an online dating candy store and talking to and meeting others so its a sheer numbers game—you’re just 1 out of 100! Because of this, you need to keep meeting other men too, not just liking the first or few you meet because it could be number 20, 50, or 100 lol. Do not have “relationship brain.” Of course that’s the goal but not expecting a relationship to come out of it is the mindset that has always worked well for me, pre and post marriage, whereas I was the one who said “no thanks” far more than the men did haha
Try to refrain from getting over excited even if you’re super keen on a guy as too many let downs can put you in a dating funk. Try and keep it fun, like you did here but also know that your job is to listen (BELIEVE THE NEGATIVES), watch and observe to see if his words and actions mesh up every time…WORDS + ACTIONS + TRUTH. That’s it, all you have to do!
If a man say’s “let’s do it again” don’t expect another again unless he actually plans it, and keeps planning them for a good amount of time (over a couple months). DO NOT INITIATE! Its not your job to remind a man you exist—its a MAN’S JOB to remind you HE EXISTS!! Keep dating in perspective as it will help you to navigate the dating minefield better. :o)
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