weird breakup that’s not really a breakup

Make no mistake – this is a break up. And he wants it all on his own terms and wants access to you in the meantime. No, that’s not how it works. Tell him you understand and to come back to you when he feels ready to move forward and if you’re available at that point, you can discuss it. And that it’s best if he stops contacting you until that point, if that point ever comes around. Then block him if he keeps it up. Don’t let him keep you on a string.

This is definately a breakup. You’ve been moved to the backburner. He keeps his options open, but should he be a tad lonely or need a ego fluff, you’re his fallback girl

Oh hell no! If a man wants a break then you give it to him by completely removing yourself from his life! This will do one of two things: 1) Let him fully FEEL what his life is like without you in it, and if he truly “loves you” he wouldn’t allow another man to snatch you away; or 2) He’s fine without you in his life and nothing you said or did would change his mindset.

Best thing for you to do is to fully back out. Do not give him the benefit of your time and attention if he’s doing nothing to earn it! He doesn’t respect you, not does he love you, he just loves the attention you’re giving him and all he has to do is throw out some crumbs (texts) and you gobble them up. Only birds eat crumbs; a smart and confident lady wouldn’t lower herself to the status of a bird—it either all or nothing.

Throughout my life, I’ve been in multiple situations where the man pulled back from the relationship due to stress, work or family issues, depression, etc., but was perfectly willing to let me stick around as a supportive “friend”. I made excuses to myself for these men and allowed their “stress” to become an acceptable reason for the pseudo break up. I even continued sleeping with one of them! It NEVER ended well…I was their supportive pal, there with a shoulder, and ear, dinner, sex, hanging out so they wouldn’t feel alone, only to have them jump into a full on relationship with another woman the second they were feeling better. And I couldn’t even protest because they had made clear where they were with me and I had allowed it!

My marriage (I’m now divorced after 15 years) and my current relationship were/are very different. My ex husband would never have suggested we “break up” when his work was making him crazy (as it frequently did). He leaned on me and I leaned on him during tough times. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 9 months and about a month ago, his previously amicable relationship with HIS ex took a nosedive and he has now been forced into a custody battle over their child. I was worried he would decide that the relationship was too much for him to deal with during this time but it’s been the opposite. We are tighter than ever. I support him without trying to “fix” anything and even with all he has going on, he is still very concerned with what’s happening in my life. We pulled together during a bad time, which is how it should be.

Point is, a significant other should be a soft place to fall when times are tough. If your partner wants to leave the relationship when he’s having a hard time, either he just wants out of the relationship (and in your case, still have access to you whenever he wants) or he has attachment and intimacy issues which are NOT qualities you want in a long term partner.

Don’t fall into the trap of acting like the girlfriend when you’re no longer the girlfriend. You will end up miserable and now matter what he says, he won’t respect you for it.

GIRL – I AM YELLING AT YOU SO YOU GET IT! HE BROKE UP WITH YOU. Please read that again. HE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

I do not give a fig’s tush about if it felt like a brake. Did it occur to you that he does not want to look like the bad guy and likes your attention? BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Please pick up your dignity and tell him, give me a call when you are sorted.

The women who stick around to be friends spruce men up for the next woman. Let her do that work, you don’t need to.

I’m sorry but who needs a break from a relationship after only 4 months? I’m a firm believer that there is a 3-4 month mark in the relationship when the guy decides if he sees a long term future with you or not. In this case something is making him put on the brakes and break up with you. You even said your conversations now are minus the I love yous and miss yous. And now you’re willing to invest 2 more months (half of your entire relationship) to see if you can work through this? What do you really think will change by then? If he thought he could have his emotional and financial circumstances straightened out in 2 months do you really think he would have broken up with you? If winter is his hardest season do you expect he’ll break up with you every winter?

For some reason you are buying his BS story that he is doing this because he loves you and cares about you. WHAT?!? How many people have you broken up with because you love them and want to be happy together? What he’s saying doesn’t even make good sense.

I meant to write, “aren’t stable financially.”

I agree with others’ advice and I said above that I was him. That’s exactly what I meant – I was in a relationship and engaged, for many years, where I was the one asking for a break every now and then. I’m ashamed of it now, but at the time I didn’t see things clearly. The truth is, for my part, it was never meant to be, I was never into him, I just didn’t really love him. I was asking for those breaks because a) I knew he would let me, b) I didn’t care that much if he didn’t. I am in another relationship now, 3 years and I have never asked for a break. All I can say – don’t take it personally, you’re just not compatible, but this isn’t going to work out. Sorry I’m so brief (busy at the moment), but I’m trying to be to the point.