Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Was I wrong to forgive him?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Warasen.
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Kara
Hey,
So my boyfriend and I have been official for about 7 months now.
Just before we became official, I found out he made out with another woman twice.
I ended up finding out when I had his phone and this person texted him. This woman has a boyfriend and doesn’t seem like a good person.
I decided to forgive this behavior only because I felt that there was a gray area of when we were actually official and I was the one to say let’s wait a bit before we are.
But sometimes, I feel like a weak woman. A woman who shouldn’t have forgiven it. He says it happened before we were official.
I love him now and I am scared i made the wrong move. We are totally in a different spot than back then.
I just guess I need some support here. As sometimes I feel like I made a mistake? But I grew up with this idealism that a ‘handsome prince’ would be perfect for me one day. So I think that my standards are very high.
I guess I just needed to talk it out with objective people.
Andrea
You said this happened before you two became official. So you weren’t sleeping together?
Tallspicy
If It was before you were official, you’re not entitled to an opinion. Sorry, I hate to break it to you. He was entitled to do whatever he wants. The fact you’re focusing on this means that there is some sort of issue with you. Start focusing on what he’s doing well and what’s good in a relationship I think that’ll serve you better.
Tallspicy
And even if you were sleeping together, unless you would had a conversation about you not seeing other people, you’re still not entitled to an opinion. A person can sleep with, kiss, talk, whatever it is with another person before they are exclusive and the other person is not entitled to have an opinion. In fact, you should assume they are.
And honestly, the whole handsome prince thing makes cringe. You are not a damsel in distress. You don’t live in a Disney movie.
Elsa
Try to let this one go
As you said – you weren’t official and things are in a very different spot now.
I’m curious tho.. why is it bothering you now? Has there been anything else to make you feel suspicious?kaye
You are making way too big a deal out of this! Why do you feel weak for forgiving him? All he did was make out and kiss her, it’s not like he slept with her!
I hope you aren’t continuing to bring this up with him and are discussing it here instead. When you choose to forgive someone and move forward you have to commit to it. You can’t bring it up and throw it in his face if you get in a fight.
I know you want fairytale prince charming but you aren’t some damsel who had been trapped in a tower and never kissed another man until your handsome prince comes to your rescue! I’m sure you both have past lovers. And he may not be the first person you ever kissed but he may be the last!!
I just guess I need some support here. As sometimes I feel like I made a mistake? But I grew up with this idealism that a ‘handsome prince’ would be perfect for me one day. So I think that my standards are very high.
I guess I just needed to talk it out with objective people.
Persephone
I get it… it can feel icky to think that when you were developing feelings with someone he was making out with someone else who was taken. It’s okay to feel icky about that. However… you weren’t official, so feel icky, but keep your opinion to yourself. Your feelings aren’t wrong, but they don’t give you the right to hold it against him. You just have to let it go, girl.
Kara
Well, to be honest I was a little suspicious of a coworker of his but I had no reason to be. You see, because of that incident I’m just so insecure he’s talking to other people.
we also took a while before we slept together. So I was suspicious as to why.
However, I’m working on my own insecurities.
I guess sometimes I wonder if it really happened before we were official or not. I just have to take his work for it?
It just felt ‘icky’ as one of you said at the time. And I just know my family would never understand and I could never tell them.
I know people aren’t perfect.Tallspicy
Why did you have his phone in the first place, may I ask?
Your own insecurities are yours to own. Not his. And you should not be snooping on him.
kaye
I agree with Tallspicy. You need to work on your insecurities. You say you’re suspicious of a coworker and you have no reason to be. He has chosen to be with you! He could have chosen to be with the other girl, or the co-worker but he picked you! If he has give you no reason to doubt his feelings in these 7 months then that is what you need to focus on. Be the amazing, wonderful woman he fell in love with, not an insecure, jealous girlfriend!
Did you just recently find out about the kiss/making out? Is that why you’re dwelling on it? Because if you’ve known for 7 months and still won’t let it go, that’s an issue.
Sophia
You forgave him 7 months ago. This shouldn’t still be bothering you.
Warasen
Kara
Insecurity is terrible but most of us have to deal with it to some degree. Seems like you are stuck with it and it’s manifesting in your relationship. Logically you know these 2 incidents aren’t a negative reflection in you nor your relationship. However your insecurity is making you hold on to this. Be honest with yourself and see other things you might be insecure about. Then pick 1 and try to work your way through it, you might need professional help but that’s ok.
Good luck
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