Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Tinder notifications on my BF’s phone
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K.
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SSSG
While I was helping my BF of 7 months with something on his phone, Tinder notifications popped up. He turned his phone away so fast, I couldn’t see what they said. But there were at least two. I gave him the opportunity to explain. Of course he said “I thought I deleted/logged out of that” in many more words and a long conversation that somehow always led back to needs of his I am not meeting. I still felt insecure about it all a few days later. So I asked him in a loving way to comfort and reassure me, not just with words, that nothing is going on. But, instead he got defensive and said he was done talking about this because nothing he says will change my mind. I feel like if he had nothing to hide he would be doing whatever it takes to prove to me with his actions that it was an oversight, like he says it was instead of it becoming an argument. Am I making a mistake not giving him the opportunity to prove himself?
Thank you all!Tallspicy
This man is at best only looking for someone else. Please stop seeing him. Tell him you are done and actually mean it.
It would be one thing if he still had the app, but it was turned off. Unacceptable.
alia
Totally not worth taking the blame for his attempts at cheating. Let this one go with all his ping notifications and gaslighting.
Newbie
I agree he is looking out for some one else. Are you also saying that before this he still had tinder on before you were not meeting his needs? That would be a clue already to say good bye instead of you staying getting more insecure. Totally not worth it.
K
My BF asked why I was texting so much lately and I calmly, briefly explained who I was talking to and why. And I told him if it would make him feel better he was welcome to look at the messages and I offered my phone on the spot.
Because he was upset and I care that he not feel anxious and I have absolutely nothing to hide, I was immediately transparent. I did not throw shade on him for asking and I didn’t take offense. He was greatly relieved, did not need to look in my phone and that was a while ago and he hasn’t asked or even looked concerned when my texting activity goes up.
That’s how an innocent person behaves. Your BF is acting guilty. It’s time for one more attempt to talk with him and if he’s still this defensive I think Tallspicy is right, you’ve unfortunately got grounds for a break-up. (Unless you have accused him before over nothing and he’s tired of it.)
If you want more evidence, you could try setting up a fake profile and searching to see if he has an active profile… but don’t go over the top and try to have a conversation with him.
Raven
“that somehow always led back to needs of his I am not meeting“
Please drop this guy ASAP!!
bentley
implement 30 day no contact rule lets see how he feels about that. while in no contact try to workout with your self
Newbie
Bentley why are you advicing a 30 day no contact on every post no matter what the issue is? And why do you call it a rule? Do you believe in using it some guy will come crawling back?
Lane
If I ever saw a message coming from a dating site on my BF’s phone and his answer was “because I’m not meeting his needs” the ONLY response he would have ever gotten from me is the door slamming on my way out, forever!!!
You are going to be replaced the moment he finds a lady he wan’t to pursue and you will be dumped. Right now you are a warm body he can get sex from while the coranavirus lockdown is in effect. The moment its lifted and he finds a replacement, you will be dumped.
Sorry but you need to find 100 lbs of *dignity* by telling this man to go pound sand. Always best to be the dumper before you get dumped—makes it easier to get over them and move on with someone better.
K
What Lane said, 100%.
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