Telling a guy you have met someone else?


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Stacey 1 month ago.

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  • #791780 Reply

    Stacey

    Hi Everyone,

    Before the lockdown, I met someone that I like, we went out a few times and have kept in touch throughout the lockdown via video and message.
    Now the lockdown is easing, we have met up again and I do like him.
    I have another guy in my life that I also like but his previous GF cheated on him so has made it clear that he is still getting over that, I have pulled back and respected him being honest but we are still in touch and we have been out on a few dates. I have made it clear to him that I want a relationship but I guess I’m a little concerned he thinks I am waiting around for him to ‘be ready’

    Anyway, my question is, do I tell the second guy that I have met someone, someone that I like, although we are not in a relationship, I do really like him and I can see it developing into something.

    Be interested to hear your thoughts.
    Thank you :)

    #791783 Reply

    Tallspicy

    What would be the goal be? Make him jealous?

    Until a man is officially your boyfriend, it is no ones business if you are seeing anyone else.

    And jealousy never works for a healthy relationship.

    #791786 Reply

    Stacey

    No i wouldn’t say to make him jealous but to be open and honest just as he has been with me.

    Am i thinking about this all wrong?

    #791787 Reply

    Newbie

    I have a similar question as tall spicy. Are you dating guy number 2 since 1 isnt available atm? I think its actually wise of you to move om from 1 and started dating number 2. But i think guy number 1 will never be available for you, so i think telling him you are dating is playing games. Guys know fully well that if they dont make a move, someone else can.
    The only question for you is if you really like guy number 2. Because if youre not ready to fully move on, you also wont be ready for a new man. Its the exact same scenario as your number guy 1 not over his ex

    #791788 Reply

    Newbie

    I also suggest not dating guy 1 for now. What you can do (if you dont him enough as a friend) is tell him he is not available right now to explore chemistry so its useless for you to date him since you are interested in a relationship. Thats being honest, plus you can really move on and if the rare situation happens that he changes your mind, you can go from there.

    #791789 Reply

    Newbie

    *that he changes his mind

    #791791 Reply

    Tallspicy

    No man should ever know your status with other men. It is one of their business or it is a manipulation. So choose to keep it to yourself.

    I also agree that once a man makes it clear you are not being chosen, choose yourself and let him go

    #791795 Reply

    Lane

    Agree with others in that you are attempting to try to provoke or spur No. 2 into some type of action because there is absolutely no reason to tell him you are dating other guys. A man instinctively knows that other men will or are vying for your attention, and if they aren’t in a position to take you off the market, then they will leave you on the market. You are single and dating, whereas both men are fully aware of this because they are dating you, so there is not need to tell them something they already know.

    I would detach from No. 2 by simply telling him “I understand you are still struggling with a breakup, and that its best you take some time to properly heal, and only date again when you are fully ready to give a lady the relationship she deserves instead of wasting their time.” THE END. BTW, I’ve told men this many times when they are going through a break up and to not use woman as band-aids to get over another, its wrong and not a nice thing to do.

    I would also stop dating No. 1, and start over or wait until you lose feelings for No. 2. I say the same thing to you, in that, its not right to use No. 1 while you are digging No. 2. Do the right thing by stop dating men if who are unavailable( No. 2), or not at the top of your list of “likes” (No.1). Remember the Kharma—what you put out into the universe will come back to you in the same way. You are using No. 1, and No. 2 is using you…end the bad kharma.

    #791812 Reply

    K

    You’re riding the fence by dating both of them and trying to keep it going with both of them. The problem with riding fences is all you get in the end is splinters in your backside.

    A man who’s been cheated on his GF/wife is almost always scarred by it. I’ve learned the hard way not to date men who’ve been cheated on at all. And I sure wouldn’t date one that’s been recently cheated on. You may like guy #2 but he’s really not available. I’d stop seeing him altogether and focus on Guy #1.

    #791814 Reply

    Paige

    I agree that you owe no one an explanation about who you are dating.

    However, there’s one exception to that rule:

    If you are sleeping with multiple guys, make sure that they are all aware that you are. You don’t have to tell them details about each other, but just be sure that you’ve been upfront about it.

    That way, the situation hopefully won’t get out of hand.

    #791845 Reply

    Stacey

    Thank you everyone – it was genuinely to be open and honest with him rather than anything else. He knows i am looking for a relationship and has said that he knows i must be in constant demand but is just not ready.

    You have made me think of it in a different way, i am not sleeping with both just ensuring i keep my options open and that’s when i met this other guy that i really like.

    Do I simply let the other guy fade away and leave it as that?

    Many thanks again.

    #791847 Reply

    Newbie

    You are talking about the guy with ex right? He will problably contact you at some point. I like the suggestion lane wrote in how to respond. If this guy told you you are in demand, he really knows what he is letting go. I do like the fact he doesnt string you along since he must know you really like him.
    Saying good bye for now will help you and im sure he will understand. You are not trying to make friends dating but looking for a partner. That takes time and an open mindset to meet the right guy

    #791858 Reply

    Stacey

    Sorry yes i am talking about the guy with the ex. Yes i liked Lane’s suggestion too, i could say that to him when he reaches out. Yes he is a nice guy, been very open and honest and i was just thinking i would do the same to him.

    thank you again

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