Should I stay or leave?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Should I stay or leave?

This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maddie 1 month ago.

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  • #881977 Reply

    Clair

    So i met this guy at a friend party. We started texting everyday and our conversation was going really well. We seem to have a lot in common. He ask to take me out a few times but I wasn’t sure and wanted to talk to him more before I decide. After 3 weeks of texting, we finally went out on our first date. He know I like sport so we went indoor rock climbing and then to dinner, I offer to pay for my part but he said he ask me out so let him pay. I thought that was really nice of him. After dinner he drove me home since he need to get home to babysit his nephew and put him to bed.

    After the first date he didn’t talk much and was silence for 2 days, I got really confuse and decided to text him and ask how he is. He then respond and said sorry his been really sick and didn’t have the energy to do anything. We started talking everyday again and things were ok, I find it weird that he never try to flirt with me or compliment me, but I got told by a mutual friend that he can be shy and reserve. He did said he want to take things slow as well due to his pay experience. Suddenly he told me that he getting a puppy, I was happy for him since he said he always wanted one. I didn’t realised the puppy ended up taking up a lot of his time and energy since he have to look after it by himself. All we end up talking about is his dog and on occasion about our days.

    We both got really busy so can’t really see each other much. We plan to go to the movie for our next date, which is 2 weeks after our first date. He was late coming to pick me up since he had to wait for his sister to come over to look after the puppy. We went to the movie and then he dropped me home straight after. I feel like I’ve been rushed and there were not much communication. He had to rushed home because of the puppy.

    We continue to talk everyday and he told me that he is interested in me, it just he so tired all the time cause of the puppy and his current workload so can’t be me as often as he would like. We planned out third date and it was another 2 weeks after our second date. He took my out to dinner and dessert and then afterwards gave me a present, saying it was for our 1 month since we started seeing each other. I didn’t realise we do present so feel really bad I didn’t get him anything. He didn’t mind and said he don’t want anything. I was really happy and thought maybe we will become offical soon. He started video calling me at night and we talked until he fall asleep, things was nice. But it a been a month now and we still only texting and video calling at night. He haven’t had time to go out since he got the puppy and work project.

    Somehow I feel as though his not really prioritising me or the relationship we’re having. He still said he want to take things slow, it’s been 2 months now and we still haven’t even hug or kiss. I know his shy and reserve but is that weird?? I don’t know if he even attracted to me or like me since his only ever said his interested. I don’t know whether to continue this or better off to walk away now before my feelings grow too deep.

    #881990 Reply

    Raven

    2 months & you’ve only seen each other 3 times?

    Talk about slow…
    The next eon will be here before your fourth date!

    If he were really interested, he’d be making time for You…

    #882001 Reply

    Lane

    You need to leave. Men give time to people they truly care about and/or love. He is backtracking, and when a man backtracks, you walk away. Walk away.

    #882017 Reply

    Zoe

    He is not interested. You have no choice but leave

    #882022 Reply

    Raven

    Question for the OP; How can you be developing the feels for someone you’ve only seen 3x …?

    #882108 Reply

    Maddie

    Have you asked him what he’s looking for in general and told him what you’re looking for in general? Sounds like he’s looking for more of a “pen pal” – type dating situation with someone and you want a relationship with someone, which is a compatibility and life stage mismatch. But I’m making assumptions, so talking about it with him not us is best before you decide to get attached. If you’re not on the same page about how things progress, then leave. Especially if he’s stalling and making excuses to stay distant (his actions) in the name of “taking it slow” (his words). Taking it slow generally doesn’t mean no in-person time or physical contact at all unless it’s long distance and those things are impossible. It should mean getting to know each other better before jumping into either commitment or sex, which still requires spending time together. Actions and words not lining up is also a red flag that there’s probably some sort of commitment issues on his end.

    I’m all for getting to know someone for a bit before getting involved. Any relationship I rushed into either emotionally or physically failed. And puppies are extremely time-consuming (though I actually know a guy who got a dog and uses it constantly as an excuse to keep distant from women he dates because he’s avoidant and scared of commitment!!). Something is off here, though, and it may be his lack of interest in showing up in a real relationship rather than his lack of interest in you specifically.

    #882135 Reply

    Clair

    At the beginning he was telling me that his ready for a relationship and just waiting to meet the right person. At the time I wasn’t fully sure what I wanted so we agree to take things slow to get to know each other first. The first time he stop texting me because he was really sick, I did ask if he was still interested and he told me that he was and was really keen as well. Then after our third date he also told me that he want me to know that he is still interested and that his sorry he couldn’t give me more dates because of how tired he is after looking after the puppy. He said he hope that after the next month when his work project is done and the puppy grow up a bit he can have more time and energy for me. He said he appreciated how patient I am with him.

    I understand his tired and busy but I do feel seeing each other in person is important at this stage of the relationship. If he really was interested then why doesn’t he seem more interested in wanting to meet up with me. I feel since he got the puppy things changed a bit. I like him but I wish he show me that he also like me too, like just give me a hug or make some sort of move or something.

    #882237 Reply

    tammy

    i think your way too invested in someone who you hardly ever meet. you should now cut off so much online interactions because that just creates a false sense of closeness, intimacy and relationship but which is zero in real life. So much online interaction confuses reality with virtual and is not healthy and which seldom translates into reality. Plus he knows your there anyways regardless of personal meetings, so hes happy going on with the way things are and putting more efforts into his puppy than you.

    I think you need to stop with long daily online interactions and keep things brief. you need to make him step up with his efforts and set up more personal meetings. if he doesn’t, that’s that.

    #882279 Reply

    Pay

    Should i stay or leave. Does he truly love me n how do i know

    #882330 Reply

    Erin

    This looks and sounds like a guy who is not ready for dating or shouldn’t be dating at all. On second glance it’s a guy who is ready for dating but maybe you’re not the one he is really looking for. Either possibility, it doesn’t really look good for you.

    He’s a minimal effort guy and has placed you on the back burner as one of the things he has to do after everything else. You’re not a big part of his plans or life, you’re more of an afterthought.

    If the puppy takes most of his time, a guy who’s interested in you would suggest an outdoor date with said puppy in tow, that way you can chill together while the puppy has a blast and if you love dogs you can even indulge the puppy.

    When it comes to relationships, I believe slower is always better but in this case the slowness suggests a lack of interest, he likes you but not enough to make you a priority, rather he chooses to breadcrumb you.

    I’ve dated shy and reserved guys before but when they really like you, they come through in every way which matters and don’t leave you questioning their intentions.

    He is close enough to touch, but never enough to hold hold. Start seeing other guys and stop rewarding low effort.

    #882374 Reply

    Maddie

    Thanks for the extra details, they’re helpful and it’s good you did discuss with him what you were each looking for. I don’t think he’s being honest with himself about what he’s ready for (his words), and he’s currently giving you all he’s willing to give (his actions) which isn’t enough to get a relationship off the ground.

    “If the puppy takes most of his time, a guy who’s interested in you would suggest an outdoor date with said puppy in tow, that way you can chill together while the puppy has a blast and if you love dogs you can even indulge the puppy.”

    This! He can incorporate both you and the puppy into his life in person if he wanted to. The fact he’s negotiating this by only seeing you virtually shows he’s bad at managing his own life. What if he had a kid, would he just want to video chat with the baby if work got too stressful? I’m exaggerating, but you see what I mean. It’s important to find a guy who shows up because challenging things will always come up in life that you’ll want to approach together, so a minimal effort guy who may not show up makes life more difficult not easier. Early dating, when each person is on their best behavior, is supposed to show you what kind of partner someone will be so you can decide if you want that second date, fourth date, next date, eventual official relationship commitment, or not.

    I don’t think he’s an intentionally bad guy or anything, but you can find someone else for sure who will put in the effort you deserve.

    #887340 Reply

    Clair

    Thank you for your advice, it does help me see things in a different perspective. I’m still feeling a bit confuse since he keep implying that he will have more time after next month. Does he want me to wait for him so hr can show me what his like when his not busy and tired?

    Also he can’t take the puppy out until it has it 3rd injection which he was told by the vet. I understand that since I also have a dog. I was hoping to be able to plan play date for our dog when that happen.

    He does call try and call me everyday and msg me when he can. My friends told me that his making an effort so I should just stay chill and wait till his free next month and see. They said his busy and I should put pressure on him or else he might run away. That I should be more understanding and not too needy since we’re not even official. I’m really confuse about what I should do now.

    #887362 Reply

    Raven

    It would be really sad if you were waiting for Mr. All Talk No Action & Mr. Right passes by…

    Don’t wait for a guy… He should be pushing to see You.

    He’s e-tethering you…

    #887419 Reply

    Melanie

    Go out with friends. Or make your schedule busy. Sign up for a class or something.

    Stop making him the priory.

    Don’t leave. Just keep yourself busy.

    #887504 Reply

    Maddie

    Keep your options open at this point. You can keep chatting and see if he steps up next month or not, but there’s zero reason not to keep trying to make new connections in the meantime. If you get the opportunity to go on other first dates, take them.

    If you find a guy who puts in more effort, you may also see this one isn’t really what you’re looking for.

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