Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Should I give this a real chance?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 7 months ago by
Zoe.
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Julia
I met this guy online. We hooked up on the first “date” because I truly thought it wasn’t going to be anything more than a hookup, and I was feeling very attracted to him. After we hooked up, he basically said to me, “I really like you, let me take you to dinner.” Which really caught me off guard. He’s a very good looking guy, and I know he gets a lot of attention from girls. So I was wary at first but he made it clear to me he was really into me. To be honest, things were moving a little too fast. I was sort of questioning his intentions even though he was nothing but nice to me. Opening doors for me, paying for everything, and making sure I was always comfortable around him.
Unfortunately, I suffer from really bad anxiety. When I was with him, I felt so amazing. And even when we were apart, the communication was so consistent. But I let my fear get in the way. I was afraid he was going to change his mind, ghost me, hurt me, or play me. One day I thought his texting style seemed different, and it was the first day he said no to me because he had plans with his guy friends. I got way in my head and thought this meant he was over me, so I told him I couldn’t do it. The second the words left my mouth I regretted it. But it was too late. He basically told me he couldn’t be with me if I couldn’t trust him, which is understandable. One of the last things he said to me was that we could keep in touch, and he would always be there for me. And that was that. We haven’t talking in 3 days, but he posted things about me on social media. One of the memes he shared said something along the lines of him falling in love with me, but I was only sent to hurt him. We post things about each other and watch each other’s stories. But he hasn’t texted me and I’m afraid to text him.
I want to talk to him so badly. He made me feel so loved when I was with him and I would consider taking anxiety meds if it meant being with him.
Is it worth a shot or should I let it go?Raven
You should tackle your anxiety just for you…
Maddie
You can try apologizing briefly by telling him that you didn’t mean to push him away, you realize you have an anxiety issue that’s unrelated to him, and you’re going to take some space to try to do something about it. And then you let it go, leave him alone, and you go do what you said: you seek some professional assistance. Not for him, not to win him back, but for you. It will probably require a combination of therapy and medication, not just medication on its own being magic. He will probably appreciate the apology and sending him one may allow you to feel more accountable for seeking out some help for your anxiety and your anxious attachment style.
If an apology did soften him, you both reconnecting right away without doing anything about it will just result in the same thing happening again in the future because the underlying issues weren’t fixed… really, it will happen again either with him or anyone else you care for. So addressing this will do nothing but help you regardless of how he responds.
My guess is he’d probably thank you and not want to try again right now, which would actually mean he has healthy boundaries and doesn’t want to get into a bad dynamic with you. That’s a really good thing, even though it doesn’t seem like it now. You need the space to handle your issues if you want to learn to become a healthier partner. But it depends how much you really want that for yourself.
This situation sounds very painful, but also like it can be a really valuable opportunity to acknowledge issues you already struggle with and take some steps to try to get better. There’s good reason to have hope for yourself, whether it’s learning to take back some control over your anxiety through therapy and eventually reconnecting with him again way down the road or finding something different but also good for you when you’re ready for it.
Zoe
You do nothing.
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