Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › should i adjust to his schedule
- This topic has 23 replies and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
Lane.
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jarcom
Hello,
i wrote about this guy i met in NYE in an older post. We still haven’t seen each other again, mostly my fault i would say. We both work weekdays and on weekends, i usually like to get out of town. This is the first weekend i have stayed here, but we haven’t seen each other, probably because he has his kid with him. He is really caring about his kid and loves expending time with her, which i like and respect. He doesn’t have an special arrangement over the time with the kid, basically whenever his daughter wants, he goes and sees her. I think this is why he haven’t told me about seeing each other yet, he knew the other two weekends i was out and this one he can’t.
We chat on the phone and we text whenever work allows or he doesn’t have his kid. The conversations are not romantic or like if we were dating or showing intentions. I really don’t know if this is going anywhere. We definitely enjoy each other’s conversation and we have a lot in common. I really like him. He is helping me with something i am starting and i value, with all he has in his plate, that he is putting time aside for that.
I feel i need to see him in person already, i need to see where things stand and then embrace whatever outcome comes after.
I am thinking in canceling plans so i can be available next weekend and the following, just in case. I know this is a no-no, but his kid is priority and my trips are leisure.
I like him enough to not to leave things to the odds of his responsibilities coordinating with my hobbies.I feel two weekends is time enough, if he can’t make time for me in three weeks total (including this weekend), which i respect, i wouldn’t work for me anyway. They say sometimes is not about finding the right person, but to find it at the right moment.
I would appreciate your feedback. :)
Liz Lemon
It doesn’t sound to me like this guy has a romantic interest in you. He hasn’t asked to see you again. He’s not showing romantic intentions. It seems to me like he sees you as a friend. A man who is romantically interested in a woman makes that clear to her & tries to win her over by taking her on dates.
I wouldn’t cancel plans next weekend to wait and see if he asks you out. That makes no sense. If you want to see him again as a friend, you could ask him to get together. But I wouldn’t cancel plans and hope he asks. I don’t think he will.
Jarcom
He said “we should meet up next week” but I have a deadline Thursday and I I leaving Friday, so I had to say no.
It wasn’t a date per se, just hanging out. Neither of us is American, most of the things I read here about waiting to see what he does and not make the move, in my experience apply mostly to American guys…
In our phone/text conversations neither of us has shown interest, and I definitely have it. I think it has to be done in person. I don’t want to throw him a text “BTW I just dreamed we woke up together”, but I am usually good at being flirty in person…Raven
So next time when he suggests a time & you’re not available, suggest a time that you are available…
jarcom
yeah. i said the following week, that’s why i am planning in staying around, but again, he may have the kid and then nothing… well, let’s see
Liz Lemon
When you said that, he didn’t confirm he’d see you the following week? I don’t think this has anything to do with not being American. If he wanted to see you he’d agree on a date/time. I’ve dated plenty of non American guys (European, Latin American) and in my experience, if a guy wants to see you, he agrees on a day and time for a date….
About his kid, he doesn’t have a custody schedule? It makes it easier to have a life if you could plan around a schedule. (My bf and I both have a child each so I understand wanting to see his daughter).
You can wait around if you want but I think you’d make more progress if you got him to settle on a date and time. Even if it’s just hanging out as a friend. It seems silly to me to cancel plans and sit around the house all weekend hoping he decides to see you.
jarcom
Thanks for your answer Liz,
yes I agree. I am not going to stick around, wasn’t a good call. I guess if we can arrange something for this week or next i should just embrace the friendzone… sight!
jarcom
if we can’t*
Liz Lemon
I wasn’t trying to be harsh. It’s just that the minimum a friend would do (I’m talking a friend here, not even a romantic interest) would be to say, “Let’s meet Saturday at 2 pm” or whatever.
If he is putting seeing his daughter first, that’s his choice. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it sounds like he is prioritizing seeing his daughter. So that’s his focus now. That’s fine, but you should live your life and focus on people who want to make time to see you. If he can’t commit to making a plan to see you some weekend, then he will not be able to commit to dating.
jarcom
Liz, i didn’t take it bad, i understand what you mean. I think he is doing the right thing by wanting to spend time with his kid. She is pre-teenager and he always talks that he is already noticing she is getting detached slowly and putting her interests in doing things with her friends. He says he will respect when she doesn’t want to see him that much but now wants to spend time with her. I respect that, i think it’s actually very cute. My parents were very detached and i wouldn’t like to get in between that bound.
So yes, as i said before, it may not be the best time for him or he just doesn’t feel i am worth taking time from his kid to see me.
I’ll keep my options open but with covid and all, it’s not that there are many anyway, so in the meantime i enjoy his conversation and his attention. Today we were a bit flirty, so let’s see. i am optimistic, just need patience with this one i think.jarcom
tomorrow! :D
Anon
I like the statement- if a guy wants to see you…he will. End of story. Don’t make excuses for him, he’s just not that interested right now, maybe in the future, who knows. So you’re interest should mirror him. Do not wait around for him, do not keep your weekend open for him- live your life and make plans with others- friends, dates, family- yourself.
Lane
I am going to be blunt here, I don’t think he has any romantic feelings for you at all because this is not how interested men, with children or not, act when they really like a lady.
Men, in general, regardless of where they are from go after what they want; other than the Beta types. Is he a Beta?
A man who really likes a lady will make it happen asap. Those who don’t is oftentimes because they don’t have *those type* of feelings for you. I think he likes you as *a friend* which is OK as the two of you obviously have things in common since you talk quite a bit but I would highly suspect its not the romantic kind or he would be saying and doing the opposite.
I would keep him in the friend-zone and utilize whatever expertise he has but definitely meet and date guys who actually want to meet you, for romantic intentions, not just chit chat.
Jarcom
Sorry my previous post was short. We were talking today and he asked me if he could pick me up tomorrow and take me out for dinner.
I didn’t ask if it was a date but the way we have been talking the last couple days, I think he is interested. We shall see. The way he asked was kinda cute, he was shy about it. I think out of self protecting me, I may have been giving him some mixed signals, by using to much the term friends. But I turned my text into a bit more flirty, although elegant, nothing sexual of course.I am very nervous I have to say, it’s being more than a year since I left my ex, so I hope I don’t run away or do something embarrassing… :S
Lane
Jaracom, how did it go?
Newbie
Im european, a bit sceptical but see how the date goes. Try ti remember he is just a guy lol
jarcom
Hello everyone! thanks for following up! :)
Date (or whatever it was) was great, i had a really good time. There was no good night kiss but i really think it was a date. He paid, although i offered to share the bill. We will see what will happen. I don’t want to think too much about it, just let things happen their way.
:)
Lane
That’s the best mentality to have. Lean back and let him do the work, if he doesn’t then you have your answer and you don’t even need to ask :o)
jarcom
Also, definitely not a beta guy
jarcom
Thanks Lane. Today feels easy, but i have never been good at that, so let’s hope i do better this time :)
Jarcom
Hello!
I thought I would come here with an update. :)After seeing each other a bunch of times he FINALLY! made a move! I felt we were getting too close as friends and soon was just going to feel weird but I am glad it happened :)
I was a bit worried about not seeing each other much because of his obligations (the kid), but he has made a lot of efforts to see me and I really like hanging out with him. It feels really natural. I can’t have enough of him, but trying to not too saturate things too fast and just enjoying every time. I know this is just a phase, but I haven’t feel this way in a long time.
He is a great, sweet and attentive man and a great person to have around. For as long as it lasts. :)
mama
I love updates!
I’m glad things are going well for you. :)
Jarcom
Thank you mama. I feel I only come here when things are bad. Hopefully I won’t need help again. :)
Lane
Just curious but how did he “make the move?” How many more ‘meetups’ did it take? You said “a bunch” so wondering what was different on the day he “finally made the move” v. the # of times you met after writing this post?
I personally prefer the slow non-romantic pace like this myself, as you are able to get a much better picture of the true person v. someone who’s trying to sell you a false facade (pretender). This is how most of my longest relationships started out, just getting to know each other without any romance involved. However the difference between you and I, is I truly didn’t have any romantic feelings towards them; whereas ‘the surprise romantic move’ worked a few times but usually failed lol.
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