Sex too soon

Can you sex someone into a relationship? No. So it makes me wonder why will delaying it be any different?

I’ve done sexual stuff with someone in 2 weeks. Ended up in a serious relationship. On the other hand, I’ve had someone send me a mere nude and she shot out of my system never to be thought of again the day after.

I could be wrong but this is what I believe currently: you hold off on sex because you want to avoid being used for it. Because the market is filled with men who want just sex, those who want a rship but need sex to realize they actually don’t, and then a very small sliver that want -and- are ready for a rship. And the easiest litmus test to figure out which is which is….. wait for it…… sex.

(the harder test is time, along with maybe 8 other factors to be wary of)

I guess I made the mistake. I dated a guy a for a little while, and didn’t feel the temperature quite enough. We were drunk as we had been to the same party and the next morning he was acting weird and said he wasn’t ready for a new relationship so quickly after his ex….
I just wonder if we hadn’t done it if we would still be dating :(

this is clearly not about the sex, this guy is not over his ex

Move on

I have such self blame for ruining it :( How often to men come back when they ARE ready?

I don’t think this had anything to do with the sex. Or him liking you enough. He wasn’t in the headspace to be with you. It’s normal to have a few days of being disappointed! No emotions are wrong – just dwelling on them isn’t good for you. I have had crushes that didn’t work out. I was bummed. Then picked myself up and loved myself up.

Enjoy the memory of the sex (if it was good) and move yourself right along. The man for you won’t be mentioning his ex

Tanks for all your inputs. The reason I am so confused is because we did go out on a few dates and texted a lot so I thought we were a thing

You are obviously young and inexperienced so I’m going to give you the birds and the bees talk.

Men do not feel the same way about sex that woman do. They are the opposite due to the genetic differences in our hormones—X doesn’t equal Y! Men are driven by testosterone which is the driving force behind why men think about (and talk about) sex a lot, heck just standing in line at a grocery store and looking at a lady can conjure up all kinds of sexual thoughts, of which, they have these types of sexual thoughts throughout the day because of it. This is how men think, and you need to understand they think very differently than woman do on this subject.

Testosterone also allows men to become detached after sex because their hormones are depleted during the act of sex (woman’s increase) and at the end (after they ejaculate) have a compulsive need to “get away” so they can restore their hormones and get back to normal. This is why they can have sex with a different lady every day of the week without having any desire to see or be with her ever again. For a man, sex is an act, like when you’re super thirsty and drink a glass a water you feel satiated but have no desire to be in a relationship nor think about the water you consumed once you consumed it—its the same for men.

You are putting importance on sex because women release a cocktail of bonding hormones during sex which are the same hormones (oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine…aka ‘love hormones’) that bonds a woman to her newborn child—its very powerful stuff! You bonded through sex but all he did was attain a sexual release (quenched his thirst), and why you are in the situation you are in….essentially riding the ‘oxytocin train’ (hormonal rush).

Men bond with a woman within their mind, not their penis. There is something about *her* that makes his stomach flutter, puts a pep in his step, can’t stop thinking about her and is naturally drawn to her like a moth is to a flame. Whether you have sex or not doesn’t matter, although bad sex *could* be a viable factor of course but even the greatest sex is not what motivates a man to fall in love with a woman but it will motivate him to keep getting great sex until he finds the woman he does fall in love with! What motivates a man to fall in love is what I call the *IT* factor. Its not just based on the physical but the intangible in how she carries herself (talks, walks, laughs, looks at the world) that a man is drawn to and falls in love with—no amount of sex is going to make him fall in love if the woman doesn’t posses *IT*.

Moving forward remind yourself that a VG is a dime a dozen; every woman has them so never think your VG is more special or magical than another’s but that YOU (as a person) stand out and apart from all the other ladies in a man’s mind not because you know how to have sex, big whoop, but that you posses the *IT* factor and will only know you have *IT* when a man declares he’s in love with you.

In a nutshell…There’s a high level risk of rejection engaging in sex with a man especially when you don’t know where his heads at first. Is he playing the field (not interested in relationships); actively seeking a mate (ready to settle down); or in-between (ok single but if he met the right lady he would consider a relationship)? Your job is to attain this information first so to mitigate your risks before you engage in sex; whereas if a guy is crushing on you your risk of rejection will be much much lower than a guy who has zero desire to be in a relationship. If you offer sex to a man he will take it, no differently than if you offer candy to a child he will take it—-its as simple as that.