Sex is gone

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This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #788269 Reply


    Good morning!

    Lately I have been battling something a little frustrating in my opinion. It’s been 5 months into our relationship (my bf and I). Sex life was really good! At first it was almost every day, then it dwindled to 1-2 times a week, which in my opinion is still good. However, it’s about to approach a month and nothing. The last time we had sex was March 3rd and I tried to initiate it on Monday. He declined due to no condoms but I did offer to go buy some since he lives really close to a store. He still said no, saying it takes a lot of time (like effort), and I was a little confused/hurt because usually he says yes AND the fact that he said he wanted to but not at the same time. I feel unwanted and a little unattractive (in his eyes) because this is such a drastic change. Then comes yesterday, he starts teasing me and getting me aroused. He asked me to give him a BJ, which I did, and nothing happened afterwards..he just hugged me. I felt like a fool because in a way I feel like he tricked me into that. I was really frustrated and just went to sleep even tho he didn’t want me to.

    In between those two incidents, we talked about the first incident and I tried to see what was wrong. I know he’s 1 month into his new job now, being a correctional officer, so he’s usually on the go. I figured it was either that or me…but his answer was just continuously “idk”. I didn’t know what to say but okay because I have to trust what he says. If he doesn’t know then he doesn’t. He then proceeds to tell me how he couldn’t get hard the past week or so, but now he can.

    I’m extremely confused with this situation and have been trying to find the answer for a while. Maybe getting some insight from you guys might help me! Also to add, I know around the time we last had sex, he ended up bringing up the fact that his sex drive would probably dwindle because it wouldn’t give him the same adrenaline it would from his work. I did bring that up when we were talking but he still said idk.

    #788281 Reply


    To be honest, it sounds like he has met someone else and is having sex with them. If your sex life has drastically changed and it looks like it has and there’s no medical reason then I would say it’s someone else. For him to say my sex drive is going to dwindle- what I think he means is his sex drive us going to dwindle with you. Back way off- you can naturally say you don’t plan to see him due to having to stay home (hopefully you don’t live with him). and let him enjoy his life completely without you. I would be out of my mind furious if I gave my bf a bj and he just basically thanked me as if I was some w***e.

    #788297 Reply

    T from NY

    Umm. Ya. No way I would put up with this. He’s a selfish twat. You have needs. Physical and emotional. No way at only 5 months should sex be stopping. My last boyfriend and I had sex daily or every other day for 2 years up to the day we broke up! My point is – whatever the hell his reasons — especially being selfish about giving him oral would be a deal breaker for me unless he stepped way way up.

    Actually. No. I’d dump his arse.

    #788303 Reply


    Hmmm. New job as a correctional officer.

    Has he started going to the gym a lot since he got the job? If so, I’d check into steroids – notorious for performance issues and ” ‘roid rage. ”

    I have to say that if he’s not doing steroids (and if that’s the case, you still need to run), I agree with the others that he probably has another girl he’s diddling.

    You haven’t invested too much time into this guy, so it’s a perfect opportunity to say goodbye to someone who is so selfish that he asks for a BJ and then doesn’t reciprocate.

    (And if a guy ever does that to you again, roll him over on his back and sit on his face. If he wants to breathe, he’ll get busy. :) )

    #788305 Reply


    Thanks for the advice! What’s really hard about this situation is that I already accused him once and he told me there wasn’t anyone else.

    If you guys need more details, I’m more than happy to provide. I’ll say for starters that I do have the password to his computer and laptop. He doesn’t mind me being on his phone, although I usually just watch something on there and that’s it. To Paige, no he doesn’t take steroids. Also, I’m too self conscious about getting eaten out so I don’t really ask. That’s why I rely on sex.

    He still asks me to come over or sleep over from time to time and tells me I can I pretty much come over whenever since I know his schedule. I know I can go with being at his house for 3-4 times in a row (but of course I know there’s a time I need to give him his space and leave).

    I would hate to accuse him again, esp if there really isn’t anything going on.

    #788306 Reply


    Why do you have to accuse him? If youre not happy about that part you can break up. What will accusing without proof help you? Spice up your sex life? Doubt it.
    There doesnt need to be someone else per se for him to lose interest in sex. And if he lost it, you have reasons to break up.
    There is something you said though, you dont like receiving oral sex because it makes you selfconscious. Not being confident and happy to go all in, is a turn off honestly. So why are you so selfconscious?

    #788308 Reply


    I think before you dump him, you owe him to say… our sex life is not working and unless we can find a solution, I need to think if this relationship is serving my needs. What can we do to fix this? That way he know s you are serious. And if it does not improve, you warned him.

    #788309 Reply


    I think the reason why I’m self conscious is because I feel like I’m never clean, although I take my hygiene very seriously. Also my discharge pops up randomly.

    I really like what you said @tallspicy! That is a good point in which I will try.

    #788312 Reply


    Ah ok, i can understand that. I figured it was about looks like i was in my 20ies. Looking back though i looked totally fine so dont know what got me so worried back then. I would also totally follow tall her advice. But also be aware that any healty young guy knows having sex with his gf once a month is not performing. So his idk is really not sufficiënt. Take care

    #788313 Reply


    And just as a reminder: sex is a dirty business

    #788315 Reply


    I think this is a great time to sit back, take care of yourself, and figure out what you want. Don’t contact someone like this who is disrespectful to you.

    #788368 Reply


    Not being rude but is there a chance he might be gay? Or the steroid thing..either way its been 5 months, sex should be rampant! Ha I think your sexual energies aren’t aligned. And in that case, someone else would definitely be happy to satisfy you. I would break up with him.

    #788392 Reply


    To Ames:
    I highly doubt it although you never know these days. I’m a pretty confident women that I know I am able to find someone else that can continue to meet that desire.

    I did talk to him yesterday about it, how it’s kind of becoming a deal breaker, why I rely on it, what we can do to fix it but he just still doesn’t know. I brought up things that could may be the problem such as work, me accusing him once, etc…but he did say that he thinks I’m becoming sexually unattractive.
    Yikes right? Don’t know how to feel at this point so a lot to think about.

    #788394 Reply


    And there it is…. You have become sexually unattractive?

    You have been dating for 5 months. Have you put on weight? Anything else majorly different?

    If not, f&ck that noise and find someone else to love your luscious ness!

    #788395 Reply


    And I love how he blames you. Chuck this dude.

    #788396 Reply


    Well there is your answer. It doesnt really matter if its true or not or what other reasons he might have (i can think of a view: not really interested in having a gf but liking the first stage is my main one). But for you it must be clear: who wants to stay with a guy that after 5 months doesnt want to have sex with you anymore and declares you unattractive. Yeah right. You will be fine
    Its not even that this guy is at fault here. He cant pretend to feel what he isnt feeling. Somehow his desire went away

    #788400 Reply


    Well that’s pretty rude he said that. And is a major sign to move on. It will just deteriorate your self esteem. Which is the opposite of what a partner should do. Do yourself a favor and dump him. I know its easier said than done but its simply a waste of time. Xox

    #788404 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I think this guy has made it pretty easy for you to dump him, actually. Forget staying with a guy who tells you he won’t have sex with you because he finds you unattractive, WTF! To me it would be a very easy decision to break up with the guy! You can do better.

    #788418 Reply


    I haven’t put on any weight at all. I know he is big on athletic women which I have been going to the gym a lot more than what I used to (disclaimer: i’m not really doing it just for him. He got me interested in the gym again) and have been showing results. I weigh 125lbs and I have a pretty good body ngl so being rejected is new to me and sucks. Tbh, I can’t think of anything i’ve done for him to think i’m suddenly sexually unattractive anymore.
    It definitely is easier said than done, therefore would like to wait it out a little and see if it changes. If it doesn’t, then you guys are right and I definitely would have to move on.

    #788419 Reply


    Please, free yourself of this misery! No way I would ever waste a second on a man who tells me that I am too unattractive to sh*g. Especially within 5 months!! First of all, you are wasting your time – because if you have issues like this already, then imagine what happens when you have children and you do put on weight or when you’re too busy or stressed to have time to even shower. I’ve been working like crazy recently (difficult times at work), and just yesterday, after a sleepless night, I didn’t even have time to wash my hair. And yet, I had the best sex with my partner. A man who loves you will make you feel like a queen (and a sex goddess) even when you feel like you’re at your lowest. So with this guy, it doesn’t sound like this can be a good relationship in the long run. Second, the longer you stay, the worse for your self-esteem. You are already questioning yourself and comparing yourself to women that you think he finds attractive. And now every minute that you spend with him, this will just get worse and worse. Get out before the damage is too big.

    #788422 Reply


    Everything shoshannah said. If i would have to guess anything this relationship is out of balance. You are already trying to change for him (you say thats not it but deep down it can play a part). Maybe you have done other things to please him. That can be a turn off for guys. Im not saying this as an excuse or as a reason why he can find you unattractive now, but as a warning to stay confident and true to yourself. Im also not saying trying to change that and get the spark back. This guy is a superficial douche and has no idea how to love a real women

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