Red Flag?

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 9 months ago.

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  • #775685 Reply


    Is it a red flag if a guy does not plan dates ahead of time? More like spur of the moment or day of.

    #775686 Reply


    Not necessarily a red flag. Could be that he asked another out and it did not work out-so he fell back on you. Not great but if you are just getting to know him-have met just oace or twice then I would go and see what happens-if you are free. Don’t change any plans for that.
    If he is not a planner ( lots of guys are not) then you have to assess if you want a guy like that. I am not very spontaneous so I would not like that. I would want 3 or 4 days notice and a follow-up comfirmation the day before. Figure out what works for you.

    #775696 Reply

    to be withheld

    Peggy says this: “…you have to assess if you want a guy like that. I am not very spontaneous so I would not like that. I would want 3 or 4 days notice and a follow-up comfirmation the day before. Figure out what works for you.”

    And I totally agree with Peggy. **Figure out what works for you.**
    If it doesn’t work with your own mojo, don’t try to make it fit. If you want a planner, there are plenty of planners out there. :)

    #775699 Reply


    I think it’s a yellow flag, something you might want to be aware of and might become a red flag.

    Is he a poor planner or is he taking you for granted? You might be able to accept the former but shouldn’t accept the latter.

    #775706 Reply


    It could be a red flag.

    It shows he doesn’t respect your time or doesn’t really think you have things going on in your life that you cant be busy.

    Spontaneousity is exciting even to me, however I will not accept a guy asking me out suddenly everytime. I can accept two spontaneous dates but if we’re taking this serious I would rather be more interested if you book me ahead of time because this shows that you want to make sure you see me. And this speaks volume.

    Say no you cant make it the next time he does this. Say it two times consecutively. If he really is interested and want to truly keep seeing you, he’s not going to have any choice but to tell you about the date some days prior.

    #775721 Reply


    i broke up with a man because of this. spontanious visits during the week when you have a few hours free is fine. but months in still never being able to preplan a date, not so much. i also found it meant he didn’t respect my time and i either had to sit around and wait for him or not see him. when i asked him why, he told me it’s because his daughters plans change so fast, he never knows when he’ll be free. i called bs on that. if he can plan bike ralleys etc weeks in advance but not a date with me, i’m not interested

    #775726 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I assume you’re asking this about a guy you just started dating, and not an established boyfriend?

    My boyfriend isn’t much of a “planner” by nature, but when we were first dating and he was courting me, he was very mindful about planning dates. Just throwing that out there because even guys who aren’t “planners” should understand the importance of making a woman they’re interested in a priority, when they’re trying to win her over.

    Especially when you’re first dating someone, I would be cautious about a guy who couldn’t get it together enough to plan a date with me in advance. Yes, I would accept a couple of spontaneous dates, but it would drive me nuts to try to date a guy who couldn’t plan anything in advance. And it would tell me I wasn’t important enough to him to make sure he had a set time and date to see me.

    Once you’re in an established long term relationship I think things get more relaxed. I do a lot of spontaneous stuff with my boyfriend. But, at this point there’s an expectation that we’ll spend weekends together, for example, so we know we’ll be together; it’s just a question of deciding what we’ll be doing that weekend. Sometimes we plan that in advance, sometimes we just decide at the last minute. But that’s totally different from when you’re first dating someone.

    #775728 Reply


    Yes this is someone I just started dating. Do you think I should let him know it bothers me or just say no every time he asks to see me last minute? I do like the guy, wouldn’t want him to think I’m not interested but also don’t want to come across as a nagger either.

    #775729 Reply


    Bother is a nagging word. Im not sure if this guy is worth it but you can say no and add that you can make it on day x a few days ahead but that you need to know a few days in advance.

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