Really confused… seems I’ve been ghosted


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This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ewa 1 week ago.

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  • #810793 Reply

    Claire

    Basically I’ve been on two dates with a guy who seemed super into me and I liked him as he was really interesting and mature … he also works for the same company which I was a bit concerned about at first b it decided not to let it bother me (he’s a manager of one of the departments with about 150 people under him so I thought quite responsible)

    First date we walked along the river then had dinner (only left as we got kicked out). He messaged me straight after that he wanted to see me again and then we had date two a Week later. Went to his and walked into the city for dinner then went back to his (didn’t sleep together lol just made out haha but also had some really nice convos) Same thing again, super nice and he was really affectionate and the chemistry was really there and again he texted me after the date thanking me for the nice time (this was Wednesday last week)

    On Friday I asked him if he’d like to go out on Saturday but he couldn’t as he had his son for Father’s Day so I asked how about Monday then and he said yep (as he flew to site today for site visits and I wanted to see him before I went back to work on Friday)

    On Saturday he seemed interested I thought as we had our usual banter And he even said he was really looking forward to seeing me. I didn’t hear anything Sunday which I assumed was down to Father’s Day so I tried calling him once Sunday evening and then sent a sort text saying I hope he had a great day and if 6pm worked for him. Heard nothing. At lunch yesterday I sent him a text saying hey the weather is miserable instead of walking to dinner how about a quote night in?

    And nothing. Radio silence his texts on Saturday night Where we were joking around and he was looking forward to seeing me. I know I should t care given we only had two dates but when we’ve been talking everyday and having the convos we’ve had we had a good connection (he’d even deleted tinder as he said he didn’t like it as it’s too old school and said he enjoyed our connection).

    Ghosting just seems a really weird approach as we work at the same place and now I have anxiety about returning to work on Friday 😔 is been on leave for a few months (before I even knew he exited) so I’m just nervous now. I’ve been told not to jump the gun given it’s only Tuesday but I thought given we work in the same place he would have at least cancelled

    #810803 Reply

    Zoe

    Why are you asking guys on dates who are not your boyfriend??

    #810807 Reply

    T from NY

    I say this with all kindness — but you were not ghosted. This is called dating. Ghosting is when you have an established relationship with someone and they choose to end it without telling you which is cruel awful behavior. But someone who takes you out on several dates (you only had two) and then decides they don’t want to pursue anything with you is just part of the dating ballgame. Is not saying anything, and telling you he looks forward to seeing you and then not following up – shi%#y behavior? Absolutely. Don’t ever feel less than or too rejected over dudes you’ve barely had interactions with or who are NOT your boyfriend. Your job for dating is threefold –
    Have fun.
    Vet the man and find out if he’s worthy of you.
    And have a daily intention to never lose yourself, your interests, your self respect, your life.

    People show you who they are. Trust that. He has shown you. Move on and don’t look back. Also not a good idea to date at work especially with managers! Best to you

    #810861 Reply

    Raven

    You had 2 dates…

    #810947 Reply

    Ss

    Its cr*ppy behaviour and given you are likely to run into him he should have at least cancelled but its not really ghosting in the true sense. You definitely should have been letting him lead and not asking him out after 3 dates – a lesson for next time as what would have happened would have been him showing a lack of interest by not asking you out again and fading out the messaging.

    Its horrible when a guy you like let’s you down but you have to just accept and move on. Try and give zero f*cks until a man is your boyfriend … it takes a while to imbed this thinking but it really helps!

    #811248 Reply

    Sensy

    You have great advice in this post. Do not give this guy an entry in your life. He is undeserving.

    Also, you did chase, which may have scared him off, but you can learn from it.

    #811421 Reply

    Amy

    You only had two dates, and I guess getting kicked out of an establishment was fun….not sure about that one. However, you repeatedly called him and text him and asked him out and I”m quite sure he was a little smothered. You should wait and if the guy is interested in you, he will let you know and it will be fun. This anxiety over not hearing from him within 24 hours is your worst enemy. YOU control your feelings and you have the power to be patient and go on with your life and stay busy and do what you always do for fun and enjoyment. If you don’t hear from him so be it. You will eventually hear from someone else, most probably someone you meet from doing the fun things you enjoy. You may think it’s old timey or weird nowadays to wait for the guy to approach you…but a guy senses a girl that is clingy and needy and it’s an instant turn-off. I’m sure you’ve talked to guys before and they just about ran you nuts blowing up your phone and asking you out every night and so on….we just sometimes need to look at some inner issues and do what we can to resolve them and use each heartache as a learning experience. Good luck.

    #812340 Reply

    Maru

    I guess you appeared needy and that pusged him off. Next time you shoulď juat text once and leave it for them to answer..if they dont you too dont and move on. Once you get back to work assume nothing actually happened. Good ouck

    #812377 Reply

    Wendy

    T from NY awesome advice!

    #812704 Reply

    Rhonda

    Similar situation, kinda

    Had two great days with guy. After first date, he asked me out again. After second date, passionate kissing. When I was leaving he said see ya! I said that’s such a boy thing to say. He asked me what I preferred – I said “see ya soon!” gave him a brief kiss and told him I was a lot of fun. He texted me when he got home- and told me to text him after my day trip

    Since then we’ve talked every day Casually told him I was around this weekend- he said “good to know” but no plans

    Chatted a bit yesterday, he told me he was going back to work

    Guessing there is no way to size this up, other then to know that if he did not ask me out then he’s either super busy (doubtful) or no longer interested.

    Do guys change their mi d that quick

    #812705 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Yes, men can lose interest in a moment, but the reality is they were only passingly interested to begin with. Men are not really interested until they ask you to be exclusive/their girlfriend. Men heat up and can cool down quickly.

    I am around this weekend? Yikes. Please remove that from your man vocabulary. That is what you say to a friend. If you have light plans just say, looking forward to some downtime. Or just have a nice slow weekend. Also, not sure if you were initiating, but don’t initiate with men who are not consistent. Let them lead.

    To the original poster: quiet nights in are for boyfriends, not men you are casually dating. Never again suggest he get to be that lazy. Or even follow up… you suggest a date when a man is being very very consistent…. usually at 4-8 dates, but even then maybe not before he is your boyfriend. And never again double text or call then text. One contact, one response. You contacted him 3 times… he knows how to text back.

    #812707 Reply

    Rhonda

    Thanks, Tallspicy

    I texted him and said -As I have to do my taxes, I’ll be around this weekend if you want to hang. That text also had some information about giving him a discount code for retail stuff

    His response was “good to know” but I don’t know if he was referring to me being around or the discount code

    Does that change things?

    #812759 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Yes, even worse. Stop initiating contact and giving stuff to men who are not your boyfriend. You both asked him out and we’re giving him a sort of present with that code. Until he is your boyfriend, you should only be contacting him if he contacts you or if he is really consistent. He stopped being consistent and you filled the void.

    #813025 Reply

    Rhonda

    Thank you!!

    #813009 Reply

    Addison

    So, I def believe she was def ghosted bc under my definition it can happen at any time – texting only for 2 weeks, after 3 dates, even after being in a “relationship” for years…. the only difference is if you’ve been in a supposedly been in a relationship for years, THEN ghosting is completely unacceptable. i’ve never heard of that before except from the internet, and the worst part is, to be dating a guy that bad there’s clearly tons of red flags left and right before that that are just ignored time and time again. but i digress.

    OP- here’s what you have to understand – dating can fizzle out at ANY time. after a few texts, after weeks or MONTHS of texts but no dates- (WARNING – that creates a false sense of intimacy, no matter HOW OFTEN the texts were or what was said), even after real in-person dating for weeks. it can just fizzle out and the guy moves on. is it inconsiderate and even a little cowardly to just drop off after you were clearly talking to someone? absolutely. common does not mean ok, but the thing is, i know women personally who have never been ghosted (yup) because *they respect themselves so much that*

    A- Guys don’t WANT to ghost them- remember, guys are irresistibly drawn to a confident woman who knows what she wants.

    B- They know their worth so much they don’t choose the ass****s who do such bare minimum effort that they then add the final insult and ghost.

    How does this happen? They happily receive always. They do NOT chase. By definition, if you don’t chase you significantly lower your chances of being ghosted – they let themselves be chased and end up having so many options they could easily ghost the GUY.

    To anyone reading this who doesn’t already do this – I see way too many posts on here where a girl meets a guy online and chats one/texts/dates a few etc and just LASER focuses in on him and everything he does. She initiates, puts up with lukewarm or bad behavior, even double and triple and quadruple plus texts/initiates. None of that should be happening. It makes it very obvious to the guy that you have zero other choices and he doesn’t have to lift a finger. Is that who you want?

    Instead, know your worth. Build up your own self-confidence. Stop looking for a man – make yourself healthy and interesting and they will come. Best of luck and STOP INITIATING DATES WITH SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT EXCLUSIVE WITH (sorry, had to end that sentence with a prep).

    addy

    #813065 Reply

    tammy

    it seems that after 2 dates hes figured that this probably wont work with him and has stopped communicating with you. happens. next time do not send so many followup texts and try not to set up dates so soon. after just a message or a call you shld leave it. too many texts or calls just gives the impression that you have nothing else to do and a little desperate. so even if you feel keen to meet, curb your impulses and do not send so many texts and calls.

    lesson learned. move on. i think you shld act normal in case you do run into him at work. no long conversations. just a casual hello or a nod in acknowledgment. dont make too much of this.put it out of your head and move on.

    #813083 Reply

    Ewa

    I am not sure where you are based but from my experience, I have noticed that most men on Tinder or any other dating site are only after sex, if you don’t sleep with him on a 2nd date they tend to disappear, I feel like your guy has tried to sleep with you but you didn’t so he gave up .
    one thing you need to know about dating and rejection: it is never about you , so never ever take it personally and like other women said on here be chilled, if they want you , you will know, let the guy chase :)

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