Really confused… seems I’ve been ghosted

I say this with all kindness — but you were not ghosted. This is called dating. Ghosting is when you have an established relationship with someone and they choose to end it without telling you which is cruel awful behavior. But someone who takes you out on several dates (you only had two) and then decides they don’t want to pursue anything with you is just part of the dating ballgame. Is not saying anything, and telling you he looks forward to seeing you and then not following up – shi%#y behavior? Absolutely. Don’t ever feel less than or too rejected over dudes you’ve barely had interactions with or who are NOT your boyfriend. Your job for dating is threefold –
Have fun.
Vet the man and find out if he’s worthy of you.
And have a daily intention to never lose yourself, your interests, your self respect, your life.

People show you who they are. Trust that. He has shown you. Move on and don’t look back. Also not a good idea to date at work especially with managers! Best to you

Its cr*ppy behaviour and given you are likely to run into him he should have at least cancelled but its not really ghosting in the true sense. You definitely should have been letting him lead and not asking him out after 3 dates – a lesson for next time as what would have happened would have been him showing a lack of interest by not asking you out again and fading out the messaging.

Its horrible when a guy you like let’s you down but you have to just accept and move on. Try and give zero f*cks until a man is your boyfriend … it takes a while to imbed this thinking but it really helps!

You only had two dates, and I guess getting kicked out of an establishment was fun….not sure about that one. However, you repeatedly called him and text him and asked him out and I”m quite sure he was a little smothered. You should wait and if the guy is interested in you, he will let you know and it will be fun. This anxiety over not hearing from him within 24 hours is your worst enemy. YOU control your feelings and you have the power to be patient and go on with your life and stay busy and do what you always do for fun and enjoyment. If you don’t hear from him so be it. You will eventually hear from someone else, most probably someone you meet from doing the fun things you enjoy. You may think it’s old timey or weird nowadays to wait for the guy to approach you…but a guy senses a girl that is clingy and needy and it’s an instant turn-off. I’m sure you’ve talked to guys before and they just about ran you nuts blowing up your phone and asking you out every night and so on….we just sometimes need to look at some inner issues and do what we can to resolve them and use each heartache as a learning experience. Good luck.

T from NY awesome advice!

Yes, men can lose interest in a moment, but the reality is they were only passingly interested to begin with. Men are not really interested until they ask you to be exclusive/their girlfriend. Men heat up and can cool down quickly.

I am around this weekend? Yikes. Please remove that from your man vocabulary. That is what you say to a friend. If you have light plans just say, looking forward to some downtime. Or just have a nice slow weekend. Also, not sure if you were initiating, but don’t initiate with men who are not consistent. Let them lead.

To the original poster: quiet nights in are for boyfriends, not men you are casually dating. Never again suggest he get to be that lazy. Or even follow up… you suggest a date when a man is being very very consistent…. usually at 4-8 dates, but even then maybe not before he is your boyfriend. And never again double text or call then text. One contact, one response. You contacted him 3 times… he knows how to text back.

Yes, even worse. Stop initiating contact and giving stuff to men who are not your boyfriend. You both asked him out and we’re giving him a sort of present with that code. Until he is your boyfriend, you should only be contacting him if he contacts you or if he is really consistent. He stopped being consistent and you filled the void.

So, I def believe she was def ghosted bc under my definition it can happen at any time – texting only for 2 weeks, after 3 dates, even after being in a “relationship” for years…. the only difference is if you’ve been in a supposedly been in a relationship for years, THEN ghosting is completely unacceptable. i’ve never heard of that before except from the internet, and the worst part is, to be dating a guy that bad there’s clearly tons of red flags left and right before that that are just ignored time and time again. but i digress.

OP- here’s what you have to understand – dating can fizzle out at ANY time. after a few texts, after weeks or MONTHS of texts but no dates- (WARNING – that creates a false sense of intimacy, no matter HOW OFTEN the texts were or what was said), even after real in-person dating for weeks. it can just fizzle out and the guy moves on. is it inconsiderate and even a little cowardly to just drop off after you were clearly talking to someone? absolutely. common does not mean ok, but the thing is, i know women personally who have never been ghosted (yup) because *they respect themselves so much that*

A- Guys don’t WANT to ghost them- remember, guys are irresistibly drawn to a confident woman who knows what she wants.

B- They know their worth so much they don’t choose the ass****s who do such bare minimum effort that they then add the final insult and ghost.

How does this happen? They happily receive always. They do NOT chase. By definition, if you don’t chase you significantly lower your chances of being ghosted – they let themselves be chased and end up having so many options they could easily ghost the GUY.

To anyone reading this who doesn’t already do this – I see way too many posts on here where a girl meets a guy online and chats one/texts/dates a few etc and just LASER focuses in on him and everything he does. She initiates, puts up with lukewarm or bad behavior, even double and triple and quadruple plus texts/initiates. None of that should be happening. It makes it very obvious to the guy that you have zero other choices and he doesn’t have to lift a finger. Is that who you want?

Instead, know your worth. Build up your own self-confidence. Stop looking for a man – make yourself healthy and interesting and they will come. Best of luck and STOP INITIATING DATES WITH SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT EXCLUSIVE WITH (sorry, had to end that sentence with a prep).

addy

I am not sure where you are based but from my experience, I have noticed that most men on Tinder or any other dating site are only after sex, if you don’t sleep with him on a 2nd date they tend to disappear, I feel like your guy has tried to sleep with you but you didn’t so he gave up .
one thing you need to know about dating and rejection: it is never about you , so never ever take it personally and like other women said on here be chilled, if they want you , you will know, let the guy chase :)