Quarter life crisis and I’m so depressed

* dream ( not drama)

For various reasons, there’s a lot stacked against younger people economically right now. It does suck in a lot of ways, it makes sense this feels crappy, but it also in no way reflects on you. There’s a lot that’s out of our control and we have to do the best we can with. The unfortunate state of the housing market many places is something so many people are dealing with. You’re not alone in that nor a failure. External factors may require us to reassess a little bit — not give up on dreams but be flexible enough to be resilient, or evolve/update the original idea as you learn more. Maybe the situation has changed due to no fault of your own and it may take a couple more years to find the perfect property that you can also afford, and that’s okay! There’s no shame in that at all, and you may end up with a better apartment for you because you did not rush or act out of fear. As Raven said, housing prices are going down somewhat now (at least in the US), and you may end up able to get something you didn’t think you could get a year ago. At least in the US, I don’t know a whole lot of people who could afford to buy property at 25 at all, so if you’re almost there and on track to buy anything in the next few years, that’s still pretty amazing! Don’t discount that in regards to what you’ve been able to accomplish and save so far.

Yes, buying property is a challenge that is getting more difficult than it was several years ago, it’s bad luck and timing but financial markets are cyclical. That means sometimes you’ll get lucky and be able to get what you want when you want it, and other times the market will be too high, or maybe you’ll even own something you want to sell but timing is bad for that and the market is low then. It’s all part of the experience of dealing with assets and ownership. It may help for you to speak with some experienced real estate agents and financial planners, if you’re not doing so already, to help come up with creative financing ideas and ways to budget that will help you reach your goals on a new timeline. More real estate education can only help. Different planners and agents have different strengths and different ideas from others. One professional may be a better match with better ideas for you than another. Or one real estate agent may have access to listings that match your wants and budget better than another. I can’t give you exact savings / financial advice on it except never choose the long term floating interest rate that makes it impossible to budget for loan payments because you never know if they’ll swing around!

Good luck. Even if you don’t have this right NOW, you can still get there. It may look a little different than your original plan, but that’s okay and something we are all dealing with. Just try to stay present instead of getting depressed about expectations not matching reality, take a breath, and then keep looking for solutions while also finding appreciation and enjoyment in where your life is at right now. Feeling you will only be happy if you accomplish X and not appreciating the present is a recipe for staying dissatisfied and frustrated. Usually people get most upset from unmet expectations and forget to find ways to be present instead. They may believe they need to wait for X to ever be happy living their life and then miss out on just living it! When you’re trying to do something difficult that may not work out over and over, until it finally does work out!, it’s important to remember to stay present and that things are actually okay, and you’ll be okay too.

Please chill out and stop beating yourself up. I admire your ambition, but we all just lived through a once in a century event – a global medical pandemic that shut everything and everyone down cold for two years. And the world still hasn’t recovered. And won’t for a while. All the money the Fed printed to fix the problems just kicked the can down the road and now we have inflation and a pending recession.

I’m wondering who’s gotten into your head and told you that “renting is a waste because I don’t own anything.” I have the sense you’ve picked up these ideas from someone else and either you’re being pushed or now you’re pushing yourself too hard because you believed what someone or some trusted source told you that’s true for them and may not be true for you.

“Renting is a waste” is NOT a universal truth. It’s true for some people at some points in their lives. Have you investigated if this is the best thing for you to be doing right now? Have you talked with a financial advisor about your own personal goals and circumstances to determine if this is the right course of action for you at this time? Do you fully understand what home ownership takes?

I’d recommend you Google “why buying a home isn’t a good investment” and in particular check out what Robert Kiyosaki (author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, which is a good book) has to say about home ownership in general.

Please note I”m not giving you financial advice and I’m not trying to talk you out of buying a home – I’m encouraging you to investigate all sides of the matter, get informed, get some good advice relevant to you and then come up with a plan that works for you. And remember – plans are a blueprint that can and sometimes need readjustment.

I’d like to leave you with the other side of the equation to consider, from CNBC “Make It.” This is a financial advisor’s advice for young people in particular.

“A lot of people will tell you that buying a home is a good investment, but “that couldn’t be further from the truth,” says Peter Mallouk, a certified financial planner and president of wealth management firm Creative Planning.

“In reality, it’s usually a terrible investment,” he says. That’s because, at the end of the day, owning a home takes money out of your pocket: “You’re paying property taxes, you’re paying maintenance, you’re paying insurance. There are all of these other things that happen with your home that you’ve got to pay for.”

Young homeowners in particular have figured that out the hard way: Underestimating the hidden costs is the No. 1 reason millennials who do own homes have regrets.

Over time, your home might increase in value, Mallouk says, but it probably won’t appreciate enough to offset all of the costs. Instead, if you took what you’d save from not buying a house and invested it in something that’s likely to grow in value, such as stocks and bonds, chances are you’d end up with more money in the long term.”

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I think I just needed someone to tell me it’s ok. I’m from the UK and I think prices are slowly starting to drop but interest is increasing like crazy.

I’ll take everyone’s advice and keep saving and still enjoy myself and be present. I think you all are right about me not being present and will only be happy once I reached X. Once I reached X though, I’m normally onto the next Y target and I have to reach that to be happy again.

Well, to answer some of your questions, I know a few 24-25 year old who got married,fresh out of university, bought a house and I just feel like I can (or need) do it by myself bc I have also seen young professionals/ lawyer friends do that as well and thought to myself how can I not do it…

Anyway Thanks everyone! :D

Your struggles really aren’t all that different than mine was when I was your age. Just starting out is hard but if you stick to your path (goals), in a decade or so you will look back and be glad that you went through those struggles as nothing in life is easy. Once you’ve figured that out, it will help guide you through the many other struggles that are surely going to come.

You are looking at home ownership the wrong way IMO. Home ownership, in and by itself, does not make you happy. In fact, it can make you miserable when you have to pay and/or expend a lot of $$ and/or time on repairs, upkeep, etc. Having moved around in the military for 23+ years (7 states and two countries) whether we owned or rented, ultimately a “home is what YOU make it” so don’t buy a home to fill a void, or to buy happiness; you buy a home for the long-term financial investment it is.

Don’t look at home ownership as a commodity, or “keep up with the Jones'” mentality, that can get you into financial trouble. Home ownership will add and/or subtract economic value during stable and unstable periods of the ownership. The best path to home ownership is to start with a smaller home; then ‘buy up’ when you start a family; and when the kids leave the nest buy down again to a smaller home so you don’t have a mortgage (or rent) but also built a good enough of equity into your retirement nest so you can live comfortably for the rest of your days :o) Never too early to start investing, and it sounds like your on the right path but sounds like you need to find happiness and enjoyment in other [non economic] ways too.

When should you buy? Can you see yourself living in the home for more than 5 years? If not, then don’t buy because you could become “house poor” as you pay far more interest than principle on the front end of the loan so you may not be able to recoup your investment or build up enough equity to “buy up” when that time comes.

Its possible the universe is telling you the timing to buy isn’t right? My (now ex) husband and I ALMOST bought a home right before the market crashed here in the US back in the early 90’s but something in my gut told me not to so we rented instead—sooooo glad we did! Several of our military friends did buy, and for those who didn’t lose their homes to foreclosure, it took them over 7 years to finally sell it at essentially the same price they bought it. Maybe its your gut telling you something is off, like it did mine? Or could be a case of buyers remorse which many first time home buyers experience when considering such a major investment?

Anyway, just relax and let it happen organically—when its meant to be, it will be :o)