This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Mary 1 month ago.
July 2, 2022 at 1:29 pm #934811
I really hate my mother and I used to feel that was not normal but I am accepting this.
Growing up, I was never close to her, we never built a mother daughter relationship. I was really scared of her cause she is always shouting and scolding me, I’m African and parents beating and scolding kids are quite normal. I accepted this was normal, but growing up I realized that my mom has anger issues.
She would be angry at someone else or something else and take it out on the first person that comes close. If you don’t do things her way she would scold you and abuse you with words and then not talk to you and ignore you for days.
I never got along with her and we always argued and quarrelled, I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I was a bad daughter or something so while I was away from school I sent her a long text apologising for being a bad child and that I realised she was right , she told me she was happy I finally see her point.
I convinced myself that I was the terrible one. While I was away for school I honestly never missed her and I was so happy I was away from her. When I recently had to go back home I was very scared but I had convinced myself that I was the bad child so I was going to change now.
But ever since I got back it’s the same and probably even worse.
She says I don’t help her in the house, but there is really not much I can do cause she has 4 kids that do everything around, I try to cook sometimes as the kids mostly do the chores. She gets angry and says I don’t help her train the children and tell them what to do, but I always do and even asked her to ask them if I do or not but she already deceived I don’t and that her words are ultimate so I am basically useless here but this is because I don’t have a job and stay home all day. If I had a job to go to daily , would she ask me to help her train kids she put in her house? I bet not
She says I have to do it to prepare myself for my husband’s house. She would always offend me and when I get mad she would turn the tables on me and make it seem like I was the wrong one.
Growing up she always talked about how I ate so mucha nd everytime I put on weight she would point it out. I now have to not eat where she is cause I don’t want her to say I eat too much. I’ve been battling with body dysmorphia for a while and I think it might be as a result of not liking how I look cause I was made to feel uncomfortable. Even as a grown up she still points out my food and weight.
I lost alot of weight but put on weight since I got back and she would always say I looked better slim and that I am getting fat again, and when visitors would say I lost weight she would blurt out that I have even put on weight again.
Just today, I was helping her out with work on her computer, I’m in the tech field so I’m always the one to ask. But this time I didn’t know how to do this one, I told her that I didn’t know how to use that software several time. She kept asking and I was genuinely confused and told her I didn’t know. She got mad and raised her voice at me that why am I making her look stupid that I don’t wanna teach her, she knows I don’t wanna show her. But I genuinely didn’t know, she started sounding like she was going to cry and I was then feeling guilty like I did something wrong. I left and called my cousin who knew the software to help her. She later returned and said I don’t treat her well blah blah. She always says I don’t treat her like a mother but does she ever wonder if she treats me well and why I always run away from her.
Later this evening she came and said I didn’t greet her when she came in but I did and she didn’t answer me, she then said I behave like I have no home training and she doesn’t know if it’s the kind of friends I mingle with in school. That I don’t behave like she trained me and when I go out and people tell me I have no home training I shouldn’t blame her cause she tried . She then diverts and starts saying I don’t help in the house, I don’t go to church and I am too proud that who do I think I am. And said when I go back to school I shouldn’t text her to apologise pr anything cause I am not acting like her daughter. She said alot and she left. She always does this thing where she scolds me and then brings up everything she thinks is wrong with me, or I do wrong. Crazy part is I am so self conscious around home cause I don’t want her to scold me that i try to do everything right but she would just assume I do everything she doesn’t like instead of actually asking or checking. This woman knows nothing about my life or things I go through, I can’t even talk to her cause I don’t wanna get scolded or judged.
She is a good mom when she can be and cares and provides but I am tired of pretending like she doesn’t have issues just cause she does those things for me. She says I am treating her bad cause she doesn’t have money now to spend on me but I have never complained not asked her for anything, my dad literally does that part.
She judges my choice of clothes and tries to control what I wear, controls where I go and what I do but I am 26. She judges me and scolds me for not going to church and says I am an unbeliever but I am a Christian but I just don’t believe that I have to go to church every time to prove that. I also know she wants me to go to church to show off that her daughter just got back from studying abroad.
I accepted that something was wrong with me and I thought it would be easier but coming home I realised that I am not and I can’t be the daughter she wants.
I don’t even crave to be around my own mother. I have so many issues , mentally that I am trying to fix that I realise came from her. I remember before traveling, I was becoming like her, always angry and scolding my cousins for very little stuff and just being very bitter. But after I left home I really changed and I don’t even sweat the small stuff anymore. I don’t want to be anything like her.
I hate her but I appreciate her giving me life.
I’ve never heard her tell my brother how useless he is or how he does everything wrong but I’m a girl and I will marry some day so I need to be in order according to her.
I don’t desire to have any relationship with her going forward, I really don’t. I think I am better off.
I don’t know how to feel anymore, I cry every time we have these issues and I’m tired.
I really wanna get away, but I have no job now and I am relocating to a different country in two months, even though she believes I should still come back home and settle down here. I have to stay her and live off her and my dad for now.
If I had a job and something going on she won’t be treating me like a child who doesn’t know her way.
I’ve learnt so much on my own than I did from her, this is just a tip of the iceberg of how my mother can be and I am genuinely tired.July 2, 2022 at 1:37 pm #934812
One time I told her she gave me body dysmorphia and she turned it around and cried and said I was hurting her and why would I say that, that she wants the best for me and for me to look good.
Even when I told her I was depressed she said GODFORBID you are not and can’t be depressed.July 2, 2022 at 2:00 pm #934814
Why don’t you leave?July 2, 2022 at 2:05 pm #934815
I don’t have a job right now and going back to school soon but the emotional and mental abuse is so muchJuly 2, 2022 at 2:27 pm #934818
Where do you live?July 2, 2022 at 2:32 pm #934819
South AfricaJuly 2, 2022 at 2:40 pm #934820
Ok, I don’t know about / what services are available for youth in South Africa…
Are there any services? What is your age?July 4, 2022 at 8:39 am #934864
You said you hv to go back to school in 2 months time. I think you need to try and refocus on your future. Figure out your career. What you should do and take up which will help you become financially independent.
Your mom may be a gud person but you guys probably don’t get along much and have a communication problem. Try not to react and take things she says with a pinch of salt. Since shes your mom, she obviously wants you to do well. Perhaps her communication skills are not great. Focus on your studies, and your future.
sorry i posted your message on a different thread by mistake.July 4, 2022 at 5:09 pm #934878
Can you find a live in nanny job or a nanny job to pay rent?