Online/Long-distance Impulses

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  M 13 hours, 37 minutes ago.

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  • #935288 Reply


    So, I met my fiancé online and we spend at least a few months out of the day talking. We’ve always wished we could meet up, but Covid keeps him from being able to come over from Canada to the US. I can’t travel over there for financial and health reasons, so, right now, all we can do is vide call, write letters, and do a few virtual activities. But, even that is getting hard with the way we sort of hold our families together and pull the bulk of the load. More often than not, we end up finally being able to spend time together after midnight, but, usually, someone gets tired and falls asleep before anything can be done. Lately, it’s been like whenever we can’t talk or spend even a bit of time together, we both get stir-crazy and immediately want to make love as soon as we have time with each other, but, since we’re not in the same place, that can’t even be satisfied. It’s just so hard for both of us to manage. And it’s not like we could regularly…have a time to simulate such relief. He has roommates…

    What can we do,, and is it normal that we both just wanna make love like crazy after being apart for just about the whole day, many days in a row?

    #935289 Reply


    Have you met this guy in person?

    #935291 Reply


    I have not. We met from a friend of a friend situation. His irl friend is also my irl friend. They used to hang out when he lived in the States. So, I have the reassurance that he is who he says he is, so that’s not even an issue, here.

    #935293 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I don’t understand why he can’t come to the USA? It doesn’t make sense. There’s no Covid ban on people entering the country anymore.

    #935298 Reply


    You’re engaged but haven’t met in person?

    He may be who he says he is, but you don’t know him well enough to (really) know who he is…

    & yes, the border excuse is BS

    #935357 Reply


    How old are each of you? What are the plans for getting married, and where are you going to live? This sounds like it may not really be going anywhere.

    #935359 Reply


    I live right next to Canada, there are no border closures or restrictions for travel to and from Canada. I’d suggest meeting in person before any sort of engagement happens. This whole thing sounds like a fantasy.

    #935364 Reply


    Something isn’t adding up. In addition to the border being open again, what does his having roommates matter? Is he sharing a bedroom with someone? If not, he puts on headphones and you’re good to go. If so, surely everyone isn’t at home and in the bedroom at all times.

    Definitely meet him in person as soon as you can.

    #935388 Reply


    I thnk you need to tread carefully here. My sistr lives in canada and shes travelled so nany times to usa. Besides this, how can you be invlvd so deeply when you hv never met in person?? Is that smart? Pls get practical and tone this down till u actually meet! All the best.

    #935498 Reply


    I can’t imagine agreeing to marry someone I have never met. Are you sure he’s not a catfish? Has he ever asked you for money? How can you be certain is his eho he says he is?

    Travel restrictions have been lifted. It’s confusing as to why he can’t come to see you. I’m sorry to be a downer here but something does not add up.

    I wouldn’t put my trust in someone I never met in person.

    I would insist he come to meet you but if all you hear are excuses, something is up and I would disconnect from him. He could be in another relationship- for all you know!

    #935501 Reply


    Spide.R.Web, I don’t think what you’re describing is normal. I think its mentally and emotionally dangerous and unhealthy for you.

    If I’m not right, I apologise, but what you’re describing sounds like you’re addicted to sexually getting off with someone on the other end of a screen. Someone you’ve only met a few months ago, never actually met in person, and don’t really know in more than one context (ie how they interact with you digitally).

    It may be that because you have so much going on in other aspects of your life, this relationship/craving is a coping mechanism that is providing some kind of relief or distraction for you.

    What you’re currently engaged in does not bode well for a happy future for you.

    I would suggest taking a step back, and taking some deep reflection time when you’re alone and calm and relaxed.

    How is this kind of a relationship, making your life better and healthier?

    Is there something deeply good and uplifting about your relationship with this man?

    Something pure and honourable that you can proudly and openly share with the rest of the world, and not just privately as digital chats, letters or sexual activity between the two of you?

    Or is this relationship marked with desperation, frustration and craving? A sense of never having enough of what you want and need?

    The something that’s not right is the mode in which this relationship is being carried out. It’s doesn’t bode well for substance and a good happy safe fulfilling life.

    There are so many things not normal or right in what you’re describing, for a relationship where you’re engaged to someone, that it’s hard to even elaborate fully enough.

    Somethings very wrong with the situation you’re describing. You know it, or you would’ve be posting here.

    The posters above are pointing you in directions you need to look.

    I would suggest also speaking to someone like a good trustworthy recommended therapist to help you see clearly what you’re dealing with, and what you need to do to secure the love and intimacy you desire.

    What you’re currently engaged is in danger of ultimately taking you far away from that.

    Is there a real justifiable reason he’s not coming to be with you in person? The absence of a man’s physical presence is a massive gigantic red flag.

    That your lives and lifestyles have so little time to build the foundations and groundwork for a beautiful relationship is concerning.

    I’m not sure why you’ve called yourself Spide.R.Web, but if what you’re describing is accurate and true, you certainly are caught in one.

    #935505 Reply


    Excellent post, M!

    #935519 Reply


    @Kathy 💛

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