Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Not feeling up to company?
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 weeks, 5 days ago by
mama.
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Sara
I’ve been seeing a guy since January. In February he made it official we were “partners.” We usually see each other one day during the week and Sat & Sun nights and I look forward to it each week. I asked him what time should I come over and he wrote an hour later “I’ve been feeling a migraine coming on and I’m not up for company.” To me that sounds kinda harsh. It’s like just say you are sick or the real reason don’t say you can’t take ibuprofen and cancel because “you aren’t up for company” on one of our only nights. Do I have a right to feel annoyed with this? Am I overreacting?
Sara
I guess also that he didn’t say I’ll see you tomorrow. Ugh are all men like this? To me it sounds like an excuse and then the not up for company thing seems harsh without saying something like I will see you tomorrow
Raven
If he’s getting a Migraine, he’s probably not up for anything… Had he had before?
Sara
No….i feel a weird intuition disconnect. I got laid off and have been talking about interviews. Maybe he’s over it. We have a plan to go out of town 4/11-4/15. I knew I was getting laid off. I feel same about this.
Gaia
Has he given you other reasons not to trust him? If not, he probably had a migraine and isn’t up for company. The last thing I want when I get migraine is to entertain anyone. I want a dark room with no sound. Migraines are not a normal headache that Ibuprofen just takes away. They can make you physically sick with nausea, dizziness, etc.
Give him a day or two and he’ll either reach out or you can text asking if he’s feeling better. Then see where it goes.
Personally, I think you are overreacting.
Tallspicy
We are not mind readers… so here are the options:
A. He has migrain and is not up to company
B. He is lyingWe don’t know, and you don’t. But I suggest.. be kind, assume he is unwell and wish him to feel better. Then pull way way wat back. For the next several weeks just let him do the work. If he comes back around, then great. If not, come back and we will give you ideas.
Tallspicy
And I suggest you get out of the he should have said xyz business. If he has given you no reason to fret, then own your own experience, stop giving nonsense meaning and go about your day. Men are very singularly focused. Read that sentence again. If you internalize it, you will save yourself a lot of misinterpretation.
Tallspicy
Sara, he will either step back up or he Won’t. You can’t control this by ruminating or blaming yourself in advance. Channel someone securely attached. What happens happens.
mama
Tallspicy and Raven always get to the heart of the matter without a ton of verbiage. I sure wish I had you two around in my younger years. Most of the frequent posters here give great advice, I hope you listen to them, Sara. :)
My advice: just give him some space, wish him speedy healing and let him be.
Consider this weekend on your own while he is on the mend as a GIFT! Catch up with friends, go someplace you’ve wanted to go but know he wouldn’t (I do this all the time, it’s called having your own interests!) Clean your closet, go for a hike, catch up on shows, check out a museum, shopping, meet a friend… there are SO MANY OTHER THINGS you could be doing other than clamping down on your weekend time with your partner and/or whining about not being together.
If you want this to be long term, think long term, not just the weekend and how many days he sees you. Not every day or weekend is going to be a fairy tail.
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