Not feeling quite comfortable yet to take the step to intimacy


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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Mary 2 months ago.

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  • #939643 Reply

    Erin

    Hi, I have been dating this man for a little over a month and while it does take me sometime to fully he comfortable with someone especially a love interest I kind of feel bad that I haven’t got to a point of comfortableness to be intimate with him. That said he still is sticking around and so I take that as a good sign. I’m just I don’t want to push him away, I understand men need sex but I just need to be completely comfortable around him before I can offer that. But how long is to long to make him wait :( thanks

    #939644 Reply

    Maddie

    No one can answer for you how long you should wait. All you can do is keep open communication with him.

    If it’s developing into a real relationship and the topic comes up again, say you’re definitely into him and looking forward to eventually being intimate, but it isn’t something you do until you’re ready. And for you, being ready comes with building trust and connection over time, but you’re on your way there.

    If he’s a good guy and into you for more than sex, he will respect that and wait without further pressure because (healthy) sex is no fun when one party isn’t comfortable with it. He will even respect that you’re true to yourself and have standards for yourself and your relationships. No one “needs” sex, even though it is eventually important to a relationship, but sex also isn’t hard to find if that’s all you’re looking for. So if a man is prioritizing sex above anything else he’s looking for, then yes, he may be gone if you two aren’t on the same timeline. That’s fine, all that means is your values aren’t aligned and he wasn’t the right guy for you, so let him go. The other issue can be an insecure guy may feel rejected if a woman doesn’t sleep with him — he feels either she’s lying about being into him, or he feels she’s playing a game of hard to get just to use him to pay for things while she’s not living up to her side of the “transaction.” Either of these approaches is also toxic, and you aren’t losing anything by losing a guy like that if you’re looking for a serious boyfriend.

    So don’t compromise yourself when you’re not yet comfortable with something, but do communicate about where you’re at when it makes sense to bring it up. It’s important to be able to talk through issues in any relationship that’s going to get serious anyway, and if it’s really uncomfortable to bring up in spite of sex being on the table, that’s a red flag in itself.

    #939669 Reply

    Mary

    You need yo not be concerned about losing him. The right one will be there if he is supposed to be in your life (i.e. the relationship is meant to be).

    #939670 Reply

    Mary

    Adding on thst I wouldn’t pursue talking of your feelings to him, except to keep it broad like saying “I need to KNOW you before I can take that step.”

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