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- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
Laurel.
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Laurel
Hi All,
I’m not sure if this is the correct forum but it does concern my relationship so I need help please.
I just had a baby and at 6 weeks postpartum I was given the go ahead to resume sex. My son slept a lot more and my boyfriend and I were able to have time to talk, to have sex. Now my son is almost 3 months old. And he is more alert and active than before and this has impacted our sex life a bit as I am having no time at all even to myself.
As soon as I put him down he wakes up. He doesn’t cry a lot but he surely cries when he wakes up and has no attention. My boyfriend understands the situation of course and we have both been learning how to go about this as new parents we do expect less sex but now it’s zero. And on days as soon as I finally put baby down my boyfriend would’ve fallen asleep or be too sleepy to get it on. I myself I feel exhausted but I want my boyfriend and I to still have us time and I want to make the effort.
We have tried to have sex during the day when the baby naps instead of at night (he sleeps like he’s knocked out during the day but at night very light) but even though my boyfriend is working from home he is constantly needing to just get out of the house and it hasn’t been possible so far.
I have thought about leaving him with my mom for an evening but he is refusing the bottle even when I pump so he’s attached to me.
I am concerned by this affecting my relationship because I feel like my boyfriend and I have disconnected and I’m seeing him on his phone texting quite intensely. It could be nothing or could be something but the fact I’m having these ideas already I don’t like it. And I am admittedly very horny and I want that moment.
Is there hope to do something for right now any tips? or do I have to just wait on a day that baby need me less? Any experienced moms that cared about this struggle?
madame
Ask him to show you who he is texting next time when you get suspicious
Rox
Hi Laurel,
I hear your frustration.
About the bottle feeding: If your baby sees you or the bottle. Of course, your son will refuse the bottle because he wants mama! If you feel your baby, is healthy weight- one night away is not going to make him starve. Babies, tend to take the bottle when there is no other choice. And then, they get used it. So, the first time will be frustrating for whoever gets this challenge. But, if your mom is up for the task I say do it! There are other tricks, like putting the milk on the nipple of the bottle first, making sure it looks similar to your shape.When your baby wakes up, yes they want attention. Have you considered other distractions you son could have. I know musical mobiles are a lifesaver as they are entertained right away. Like an age appropriate plush toy that they can play with. Age 3 months, 6 months and 9 months are the big changes in a baby.
As for the texting: These days texting can be for anything – work, friends, family.. so, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions if that is the only thing you are worried about.
The first year of parenthood is SUPER challenging. You just have to lower your expectations. Best to your family.
Raven
What happens if you just let your baby cry?
Laurel
@madame – I asked who he was talking to and he “joked” that he was texting 4 women! Also I lost and forgot the password to our WiFi and I asked him to let me scan the WiFi QR code on his phone so I can have the internet again and he was so protective of his phone, almost didn’t want me to look at it. He held it himself as I scan. I asked him if there’s something he’s hiding from me and he made this face of nervousness but then rolled his eye didn’t say a word. It left a sickening feeling in my gut. Next time I’m going to ask to see his phone. Something else that I found weird is that he came home yesterday and went to shower first thing before he even speaks to me and it was a quick shower like he was just washing only some parts and he’s never done that before.
@Rox – I’m using the tommee tippee brand for the bottle and the nipple is supposed to feel like it’s real breast nipple and minimise colics as well. He use to take the bottle well even when I personally gave it to him but lately he’s refusing. I think because he wants the comfort the bottle ain’t giving and he fights his sleep. But I will keep trying all your tips too as I need to be back to work soon anyway and need him to get use to it.
@Raven – I feel like he’s too young to let him cry it out. He’s still needing to feed every 3 hours.
I don’t know, I’ve been feeling foolish. Here I am trying to seek a way to be closer to my boyfriend and he’s there making me feel like he’s possibly cheating.
Ewa
Laurel, who is more important to you, your child or your boyfriend ?
it is not a good sign that his is not letting you near his phone but then he might be sensing you don’t trust him.
How long have you been together? you have a child together I am guessing, any talks about getting married etc ?Laurel
@Ewa – Well we met in 2015, but we’ve been official since 2019. I had our son june this year. We’ve talked about marriage but it’s not something that’s absolute for us. Choosing between my son and him, of course I have to put my baby before everything even before myself but I love him too and he is also important to me. We’re family.
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