Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › No social media presence
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Warasen.
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Warasen
There’s a young man that works for me, he’s quite successful for his age. Excellent physical condition as he was a college athlete and is our “ringer” on a basketball team.
He met my niece at a couple of the games and asked me if it’s alright to ask her in a date. I approved after discussing it with her parents. She has dated a bunch of losers and this young man would be a huge step up.
My daughter told me her cousin and “Frank” went out and they did a search for his online presence, he doesn’t have any. I knew that because he’s a network security specialist and we’ve had discussions about this before. My daughter and niece feel this is a red flag.
I think that would be a red flag if he was a stranger on some dating app. This is different but they don’t understand it.
Would people here date someone who doesn’t have a social media presence?Liz Lemon
I don’t think it’s a red flag at all & I would absolutely date someone with no social media. I know people who have no online social media presence. I don’t think there’s anything sinister about it in the least (and on the flip side, I know people who have fake online profiles and a fake online presence- so just because someone has an online presence doesn’t mean it’s true or real!).
Especially in this particular case, since you know the young man in person and can vouch for him; and since he works in network security so it makes sense he’d be very cautious about online stuff– I don’t understand why your daughter and niece feel this is an issue. Maybe it’s a generational thing, if they’re very young? I’m in my 40s. I suppose if they’re in their 20s (for example) it might seem more strange for someone to have no online presence.
Just my two cents!Warasen
My daughter and niece are both 24 so it might be a generational thing.
kaye
I definitely think it’s a generational issue. When I started dating my husband he was in his early 40’s and had no social media presence whatsoever and I saw that as a PLUS!! But nowadays it’s like if you can’t go stalk the guy to find out who his ex girlfriends are or what he’s into or learn everything about his likes or dislikes from social media then they think there is something wrong!
If an athletic, successful guy and I assume all around nice guy can’t get a girlfriend because he’s not into social media that sounds crazy to me!! I bet all those losers she dated were on social media and where did that get her? Other than probably seeing all the other girl’s pictures they were liking and commenting on.
Ames
Maybe she should ask him politely? FB shares data with other websites so he probably is just being cautious? And some people aren’t a fan of Mark Z. Doesn’t your company do background checks etc? Im sure its not a big deal! And is refreshing..this day in age people are unhealthily obsessed with social media. Maybe he’s mature.
Elsa
Opinion from someone your daughters/nieces age:
if a man didn’t have any social media presence I’d also be suspicious and see it as a yellow flag. I’d question in my mind what is he hiding? Or is he just antisocial and boring? What’s up with him? Is he one of those “I’m better than anyone else because I don’t have Instagram” people?
I do think that calling it a red flag is too much. Not dating someone because they don’t have Instagram etc etc would be silly. But still I’d pay attention and ask why he doesn’t have it.Khadija
I didn’t have social media for 6 years. While I dated some people were curious as to why, and I told them I simply wasn’t interested in it.
Perhaps its a generational thing because these days from the posts I see on here, social media is a big deal. People want a window into someone else’s life.
I think its refreshing to meet someone who isn’t all into that.
My current boyfriend doesn’t have social media and I’m totally fine with it. I never thought he was hiding anything and I still don’t. He’s more of a private person.
Bala
My ex husband who is in his 40s never had any social media. He has a very successful career, normal person, nothing shady to hide, he just doesn’t like to put out his information out there, he likes privacy. The less they know about you the better. By they I mean the government.
Warasen
The other weird thing with these two young ladies is, linked in doesn’t count to them. I told them the young man is in that platform but they didn’t count that. I’m at that age where young people stopped making sense!
alia
If he doesn’t have social presence due to his job, he can explain that to your niece, and she should most certainly ask him instead of her cousin.
Newbie
If you follow the news around fb, Google, fake news spreading, having a social media présence is the actual dumb thing here. I get your daughter and cousin are from another generation but they are too adament about it being a red flag. To me they sound super superficial, sorry to say. But im 51 now
Tallspicy
Given his job, I would expect him to have no social media presence. Her loss. Stop trying to convince her.
Warasen
Yeah I think us middle aged people have a different perspective from young adults. Elsa thank you for the
Warasen
insight to their thinking. I was wondering if it’s just these 2 kids but I guess not.
Elsa
Warsen, no problem!
I have found it to be a bit of a problem nowadays – the thinking of older and younger generations seems to be quite different. I do wish the older people would try to understand us more. We aren’t superficial. We’re just different. Social media is the new way of communication, but I totally understand why it would seem so weird to middle aged adults. But we – me, your daughter and niece – grew up with it. It’s just how we live and communicate now. So it seems kind of out of the ordinary if someone our age doesn’t use it.Kathy
My good looking, intelligent, successful son doesn’t have a social media presence.. He doesn’t need one. Girls are chasing him everywhere. He is out living a full life.. With no need for an online presence.
Warasen
Elsa
Yeah most of my friends have complained about our kids and the way they communicate or socialize because it’s different from how we did it at their age.
Oddly enough my parents, in their late 80s, are on social media all day. They are reconnecting with old friends that have scattered all over the world. My mother is on her phone as much as my kids!
T from NY
I say this is only ‘some’ of a generational thing, and is also a ‘how people are raised thing’. I’m in my 40s and have very, very low profile social media presence. I have 2 very successful, amazing daughters aged 23 and 21 and a son 18 who wouldn’t be caught dead putting their selfies, personal business, memes or opinions on FB, insta or any other social platform. They have strong feelings about not participating in pop culture and LIVE their lives much more than than posting about them – college, work, baking, hiking, gardening, guitar and on and on. My girls even put their phones down for half a day and aren’t always texting. One uses a “real” camera when she travels.
It is sad to me that living socially and virtually would be considered the “only” way to live and if not it’s a flag. My 27 yr old niece lives in San Francisco and she just dated a guy who had never had a social media account and has a goal not to. I’m not judging people who use it a lot, but I think it’s a good discussion to have about what people value.
Lane
At my age, pre-internet, I wouldn’t have an issue with it, especially if I was introduced by a male relative who knew him well as I would see that as a bonus, already vetted lol.
However, in this social-media induced generation I can see why they would see it as a “red flag” as in, “what’s wrong with him?”
I’m really curious if the date went well haha?
Warasen
I won’t ask LoL
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