Home › Forums › Texting Advice › My boyfriend is dry texting me + insecure
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mama.
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Lia
Hello,
I could use some advice please.
My boyfriend of 2 years has recently starting to dry text me (he initiates the discussion but never asks about me, never asks questions and makes little effort to maintain the discussion until I do the same to him. Then he steps up and actually asks questions about my day to keep the discussion going).
I would be totally fine with only the phone call we have every night when he is away for work (we live together) so I don’t get this dry texting when he doesn’t feel like it. I get it, work is stressful, he is tired, and I do not need constant texting during the day but I also don’t want to engage in this lazy kind of texting when he is bored just for the sake of talking to say little.
Also, it makes me feel insecure because he works closely (24/7, sharing tiny living quarters and dorm too) with a woman his age when he is away (it started a few months ago)
It’s not only the 2 of them but the 2 other team members are much older. I was fine with it because I trust him until one day, we were face timing and she was around, she made a comment and he smiled at her, and his smile said it all about her attractiveness to him ( and yes, she is really pretty). I never see him with this kind of smile that he had for me when we met. I didn’t say anything about the situation making me uncomfortable because he can’t do anything about it and it’s only a matter of a few more months and I don’t want him to know anyway.
But his working-living situation with this pretty girl + his dry texting lately (he is nice on the phone though but I get less sweet words and less interest) makes me feel nervous.
And today I’ve been feeling sick and had to stay in bed all day, I mentioned it when he texted me (even though he didnt ask about me), and he had no reaction about it. I’m fine but I find this a bit insensitive.
How do I deal with all of that?Thank you!
mama
This may be an unpopular opinion, but it’s completely healthy for 2 people in a relationship to be attracted to other people. (Whether or not they act on it is the age-old problem.)
You are feeling insecure and unsupported. I don’t think his texting would be an issue if you felt confident in your relationship. I think maybe you’ve lost a little bit of your sense of self and autonomy and are relying on him to fill that role. That’s a lot of pressure for anyone (guy or gal).
How do you deal with all that? Stop being insecure (easier said than done!) which means doing the opposite of what you think it does. Instead of learning more into the relationship, lean more into your self and your other support systems like friends, family, coworkers, community. I think the best thing you can do is pull back and give yourself some space. Take a look at your own life and how you can get some fulfillment out if it independent of your man. Start doing simple and fun things for yourself that make you happy — getting out more, via gym, museums, movies with girlfriends, volunteer or whatever your interests are. The result is you’ll be happier. If you have a good guy, he’ll be happy for you, too.
There are a lot of good articles on this site that help give you suggestions on how to get yourself back after you lose a bit of yourself in a relationship. That autonomy is important in a long-term relationship.
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