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- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
Anderson.
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Eric
I just cant put a sense to this on my own. Please help.
I was in a long distance mode with my ex past 3 months.
Then 2 weeks ago out of the blue she says she needs to ‘focus on her stuff’ then goes incognito for 5 hrs. Shes never done that b4. So i panic and let her know im suspicious. Supposedly she tried to eat out by herself because the quarantine’s getting to her. Im still suspicious, she blows up on me, then the next day ends our exclusivity. A week later she dumps me like trash then that weekend shes on a camping date with some military dude, that i gather she was rlly attracted to.
I figure she had to have been talking to him during our exclusivity to get so familiar with him, and probably meet up here and there.
Also 2 days before her incognito episode she screenshared my phone and seeing all the women of my past whos contacts i didnt erase, she had a mini meltdown the next day.
Also i WAS insecure about her loyalty thru and thru this long distance arrangement because she kept a close contact with her ex, and we had many arguements over it.
Tallspicy
Get some counseling. You are a mess and so is she. If you both need so much control, and tit for tat squabbling, , neither of you is healthy.
You are not insecure because of her, you are insecure because of you. So is she. She did not cause you to melt down over her being unavailable at the moment you want, you did.
Until you can date without constant contact and supervision and suspicion, you are not mature enough to date.
Sorry, but your story is one of get yourself together. She does not sound much better.
Raven
Incognito for 5 hours…
Anderson
By itself a partner going incognito for 5 hours is absolutely nothing to be suspicious of, but context and gut feelings make all the difference. It’s like when an ex and I had a short phone call one time, and something about it triggered my spidey sense. I couldn’t put a finger on it. We’d had short calls plenty of times before, gone days without contact too- all sorts of stuff and nothing made me suspicious like this. So what made this time different? I suppose when you’re in an intimate relationship with someone you’re really in sync with them. Or at least I am. And it’s often easy to detect an unusual change in the wavelength? Lo and behold, weeks later she confessed I was right and she lied/hid it from me. RIP
Don’t waste time in figuring out what she had done, is doing, with who and when. The point is it’s over and you need to focus on yourself and moving on. People who dump someone and immediately hop onto someone else sometimes recoil with regret. You can consider that her karma if she truly did wrong you. But don’t be waiting around for that to happen in order to move on, and start your rebuilding and self-growth phase.
Also I think it’s a testament to how strong your rship truly was if it deteriorated like so with just a couple of months of distance. Consider it a blessing in disguise that even more time wasn’t wasted in this. I don’t know if there is more to you merely having contacts of women in your phone, that might put her blow up in context. Unless the basis of it was fun, screensharing is pretty extreme. No point continuing a relationship where you’re constantly suspicious of each other- regardless of if you’re right or not.
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