LDR boyfreind needed space after his dad had a major accident

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  • #799687 Reply

    Susan Whitby

    Hi ,

    Iv been in a LDR for the last 1.5 years . We got to together whilst living abroad and he returned home before i did , we spent 5 months as long distance before i returned home. On the way we went away for 2 weeks on holiday. As soon as i returned i met all his family and stayed in his home town. We both live in thr UK but a plane journey away. COVID-19 then happened and we become long distance again , a month or so ago his dad had a major accident and has become paralysed for the momemt. Prior to this we were having a few problems with the distance like anyone would but when we were together it was absolutely fine and we were normal around eavh other as any couple would be who has been dating for over a year. when the accident happened i got on the first plane possible to go and support him at this crazy time , i spent a few days there and then returned home. I had previously booked flights and was going to be going back in two weeks to visit for a week. It was easier for me to visit as i wasnt working and could afford to spend the time there. Before i next went up he went cold on me and said he just didnt have the energy to put into this LDR and that i would be essentially a stress on him being there whilst this was going on and he had work etc. I tried to assure him i wouldnt be .. he knows what im like i can get on and do my own thing happily. It spiralled into a massive argument and he said he just needed space to do him and away from this arguments over what we were or what we were going to do. He knows full well im happy to move to where he lives and that i woudlnt abandon him at his time of need for someone. I dont currently have a job and i think that is really bothering him as he thinks that my main focus is our relationship and that i need to have my own stuff going on , this isnt true my main focus is getting a job. When i ask him if we are over he constanly says i dont know or hes not sure . he once said if i need a definative answer then thats what it is… but followed it up by more i dont know i just ened to sort my head out. I completely understand the stress is he under at the moment but i cant understand why he wouldnt want his GF there to support him , he says he needs someone who can just pop round for 30 mins int he evening to support him but i can be that person. How long do i give him space for or how else should i tackle this. I f***d up and did the whoel contacting when he asked for space at the beguinning becuase i couldnt see how he could just end this without so much as a phone call and not expect me to feel sad and upset by it. Iv given him space now and we havnt been speaking for 3/4 days. How long should i leave it , should i check in im worried about him ? should i leave him to reach out to me ?

    #800213 Reply


    Hi Susan. You posted this on another site and got good advice,including mine. I would go with what people suggested on there. Good luck.

    #800267 Reply


    Despite to what you think you are not comforting your bf but adding to his stress. At least thats what i hear him saying. So to me you are everything you say you are not: all about the relationship, not focussing on yourself, not comforting him but keep asking if the two of you are done. Not having a job can cause this but i strongly suggest you stop bothering him and start respecting his requests. Its not your dad who is now paralysed but you are making all about you. Thats one of the most annoying habits a woman can have. Right now its feels like you pushed him over the edge, even saying its done if you say its over. Try to not just pretend how to be independant but really go for it. Make your own plan, get a job or get a new education. And see if he reaches out again

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