It feels like him (37M) and I (29F) got off on the wrong foot due to my anxiety.


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice It feels like him (37M) and I (29F) got off on the wrong foot due to my anxiety.

This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  A 1 month ago.

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  • #815141 Reply

    nn201

    I (29F) matched with guy (37M) on hinge. We really hit it off and exchanged details and chatted off the app. He told me he was looking to meet someone special and I told him that while I am definitely open to this with the right person, I also have had an unfortunate experience having been through an abusive relationship a year ago and that this is my first time putting myself out there, so I’d would like take my time to get to know someone (quite a bit of an overshare on my part looking back). I was suprised to find he was really supportive and kind about it and somehow this seemed to make him more interested in me, as he immediately asked me out to go for a walk during the week. We agreed on meeting at a date and time.

    As the week went by, I didn’t hear from him to confirm and I was also super busy with work, so I didn’t think to confirm either (also, he was the one to ask me out). Then half an hour before we were supposed to meet up, he asked if I was still good to meet. I needed some extra time to get dressed, eat something and commute, so I apologised profusely that I got carried away with time and asked if we could meet 1 hour later than we had planned. He said he had to be somewhere and couldnt meet an hour later and seemed a bit sulky about it. I apologised again, offered the day after or during the weekend and he said he didn’t wish to do it on any of these days as he weather wouldn’t be good for the walk. I got frustrated and sent him a message saying that I dont think it is fair that he is annoyed with me, considering he asked me out and only confirmed half an hour before meeting. I then immediately unsent the message, as I realised it was immature and impulsive on my part. He then responded saying he didn’t get to see the message I wrote and I lied and told him that it was intended for a friend and I sent it to him by accident, to which he responded that he only saw the first part of it and it sounded ‘abrasive’. I insisted that it wasn’t and it was intended for a friend, but I apologise if it came off that way.

    Two days passed and it was a really nice day and I asked him if he’d be keen to meet up to go for the walk. He then went on to say that he doesnt wish to, as it might rain. I got frustrated again and said that I am getting mixed signals and that this isn’t for me, but I do wish him the best. He then said “isnt this the message you sent me the otherday that you unsent”. I told him that I didn’t wish to have to explain myself any further about that. He then went on to say that he just wants to make sure the weather is good for meeting up and he was hoping we could meet during the week when it improves. I apologised for being rude and said that I am not a very spontaneous person and am quite busy, so I prefer to make plans. He then questioned me, saying that me asking him to go for a walk that day was pretty spontaneous. I confessed that I am feeling a quite anxious dating for the first time and while it isn’t his responsibility, I am finding this a bit hard to navigate this and it might be best that he give me a call some time to talk about it further as things can get complicated when texting. He agreed with this and said he would give me a call sometime to talk.

    A couple of days has passed and I haven’t heard from him and I feel like I have completely screwed myself over with this guy. Is he just letting me down nicely?

    #815145 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Firstly, did you have you a date, time and place for the date? Then you are in the wrong… he did not actually need to confirm, but it would have been nice. Not all women agree with me on this one, but it is a complete plan.

    But if you only had some of the info, then you should have stuck to your guns about him confirming.

    Bob, I would love to meet, but when I did not hear from you, I assumed something came up and made other plans. I am free tmrw or wed and would still love to meet :).

    Then you don’t engage if he is sulky, too darn bad.

    Honestly, you do not sound emotionally healthy enough to date. You are much too involved in anxiety… until you can be safer in yourself, you may want to focus on that.

    #815146 Reply

    Tallspicy

    He is gone and it does not matter, you did not know him anyhow.

    #815149 Reply

    Tanya

    That’s a lot for an initial date tbh. You sound intense too. You don’t know this guy and yet you’re spilling your guts about your anxiety.

    Did he set up a date and time? Yes. He only texted you half an hour before the date
    which wasn’t ideal but you came off intense and crazy when you sent all those texts and then deleting it and lying. It didn’t give the guy a good vibe to be honest.

    ” I got frustrated again and said that I am getting mixed signals” – that’s twice in a roll you got frustrated over nothing. And sent those angry texts again. It’s just an initial meet up, there’s no need to act clingy. Also You’re acting like he needs to behave like your boyfriend, which he isn’t so be spontaneous and take a chill pill.

    I’d say just leave the guy alone, and let him come to you. In the meantime time, do nothing. Do you have a hobby? Work? Study? Do them and if he asks you out again, try to chill, relax and talk about lighter things. And stop apologising, dating is supposed to be fun. If someone is making you frustrated, then you know he’s not right or you’re not enjoying the dating part.

    Hope this helps, take care xx

    #815173 Reply

    Ss

    I’m pretty sure you’ve already posted about this asking if he overreacted but with less detail about your issues and what you said.

    I don’t think this guy is going to pursue things with you because it has come across that you are not very stable at the moment where dating is concerned and you seem ruled by impulsive emotional behaviour which had a led you to come across as far too much work.

    If he didn’t confirm the date till 30 mins before, as everyone said on the other post it is fine that you didn’t go. He should not be so annoyed by it but was he even? You’ve interpreted his attitude via texts… might you have got it wrong? Might your anxiety have been projecting your issues a bit? I mean he carried on trying to make arrangements until you send rude/angry texts?

    #815174 Reply

    Ss

    I’m pretty sure you’ve already posted about this asking if he overreacted but with less detail about your issues and what you said.

    I don’t think this guy is going to pursue things with you because it has come across that you are not very stable at the moment where dating is concerned and you seem ruled by impulsive emotional behaviour which had a led you to come across as far too much work.

    If he didn’t confirm the date till 30 mins before, as everyone said on the other post it is fine that you didn’t go. He should not be so annoyed by it but was he even? You’ve interpreted his attitude via texts… might you have got it wrong? Might your anxiety have been projecting your issues a bit? I mean he carried on trying to make arrangements until you send rude/angry texts?

    #815197 Reply

    Anderson

    I question how much interest he had in the first place. The walk seemed like an in the moment suggestion.

    Try not deleting messages unless it’s for comedic effect. They can often be read/previewed in various ways. Sometimes even after deletion.

    #815205 Reply

    Raven

    You’re not ready to date…

    #815256 Reply

    A

    It’s not because of your anxiety. It’s because of the age difference.

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