Home › Forums › Texting Advice › I’m worried – what would you do?
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Sam.
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Sam
Two days ago he told me he messed his leg up and ended up in hospital over night and they’ve given him crutches. I told him I wished him a speedy recovery and told him I was sick myself and currently on medication. He was the last person to text and I kind of just left it as he sounded like he was going through abit of a rubbish time and so was I being sick myself.
Now it’s been two days of radio silence both ends should I reach out to see how he is doing? I just don’t wanna come across the annoying type and bug him? I don’t know why but my worry is he could be just making it up to ghost me or something he hasn’t yet but what if I text asking how he is and he just ignores me. ( Iv had people lie to be about being ill in the past not him past people Iv dated )Raven
Need more information…
Who is ‘he?’
How long have you known him?
What’s your status?Sam
*Known him 6 months but been dating probably around 3 months*
Liz Lemon
You’ve been dating for 3 months, of course you can text him to ask how he is. Or better yet, call him and ask how he’s doing. He was hospitalized overnight, that’s pretty serious. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to a guy you’ve been dating for months to check in on him after a serious injury.
If you text him and he ignores the text (or the call), at least you have more information than you did before and you’re not left wondering. But there’s no reason to assume he’s going to ghost you just because previous guys did. It would suck, but again, it’s better to know than sit wondering and worrying.
Sam
Hey Liz yes you’re completely right.
Of course I wanna see how he is as when he told me I was obviously concerned and said I hope you feel better soon I’m actually poorly myself & he said thanks ah dear that doesn’t sound very good & I kinda left the conversation there two days ago. And since it’s been radio silence both ends as 1 Iv been sleeping feeling rubbish 2 thought I’d give him some space as his clearly in the same boat 3 he could easily check on how I’m doing as well 4 past experiences Iv had people lie to me about being sick to just ghost me so it scares me.Gaia
Sam- maybe it’s just the way you are wording your posts but seriously… he was admitted overnight in the hospital for a serious enough injury that he is on crutches and you are worried because he hasn’t checked in on you while you are feeling “like rubbish”? Am I reading that right?
Do not bring what ex’s or others have done to you into new relationships. It is not his responsibility to pay for the actions of others.
If you care about him, send him a message or better yet call him to find out how he is. I’m betting he’s feeling more like rubbish than you are if they put him on meds and he’s going to have deal with an injury, recovery time from said injury and figuring out how to function with it.
Sam
Jeeze Gaia no need to come across so aggressive!
Clearly you have red my post in wrong way and making me look like I don’t care which isn’t the case at all!Sam
Also if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be writing on a forum for advice saying worried would I! Some people jeeze jump down your throat don’t they. Also from speaking to him it wasn’t actually serious so not sure that word was really needed either.
Sam
When he told me he was in over night I was obviously very concerned and said I hope you have a speedy recovery and his not in so much pain etc he was like oh I’m out now it’s alright on crutches not serious so to me. Please read properly folks instead of jumping down my throat being aggressive! I am deffo caring so don’t say I’m not I’m asking what I should do from here now it’s been radio silence since Iv been ill and him!
Liz Lemon
I don’t think Gaia meant her comment as an attack. I think she’s trying to take the focus off your own anxiety and redirect it. I didn’t see what she said as aggressive at all.
There’s no reason to assume this guy will ghost you, as has happened to you in the past. If you bring that kind of negative energy into a dating situation, it’s always detrimental to the budding relationship. I honestly think that’s the issue here. You need to let go of the fear you have from previous relationships. It keeps you from acting naturally and comfortably. It’s obvious that it’s totally fine to reach out to this guy– no need to overthink it or start the “he could reach out to me first” line of thinking– just do it and don’t overthink. Yeah, he could reach out first but maybe he’s feeling really poorly. You’re assuming the worst. For all you know he’d love to hear from you and is wondering why you haven’t contacted him.
Sam
The not caring bit sounded like an attack that’s deffo not the case at all of course I care. Anywaysss.
Yes perhaps you’re right Liz.
I’m on meds at the minute feeling abit rubbish on them as been sick myself, feel abit all over the place. Plus I deffo do over think & I shouldn’t let the fear of past situations where they lied to me about being poorly just to ghost me, I shouldn’t let that affect me reaching out to someone.I also always think I’m annoying someone if I text especially if someone is generally poorly last thing you’d want is someone on their case.mama
Sam — maybe wait a while and reach out when you’re feeling a bit better. Maybe it’s because you’re sick or maybe it’s part of your personality but you’re a bit reactive and if this guy doesn’t respond the way you hope, you might not be in the best place to deal with it.
When you feel better, you’ll be a bit stronger inside and out. :) No need to rush it right now.
Sam
That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t reach out in the past two days mama as Iv been sick myself been very drained. But it looked like people may of red it wrong thinking I didn’t care about him just reach out to him his been in hospital when that’s not the case at all. We all deal with stuff in our own way and all deserve space etc.
I just spoke to him actually – I asked how he is feeling and in all honesty he seems ok and he didn’t ghost me like I don’t know why I was panicking about probs from past experiences with ex’s lying and plus Iv never not heard from him in two days before either usually his pretty chatty. He said his not working at the minute and still on the crutches and he also wishes me well too as I explained I’m still not feeling the best either.mama
I’m on crutches right now — it’s exhausting just taking care of basic self care, especially in the beginning. He needs to take care of himself right now, so he may not be reaching out to you the way you need or as often as you need. Don’t take it personally.
And to reiterate previous commenters, be very aware of your own issues with the ghosting and don’t take it out on this guy. We don’t have the right to place all our issues and insecurities on romantic partners. It’s not fair to them, or you. Your insecurities may affect the way you interact with him, and it’s not the greatest way to build a strong foundation in a relationship.
Good luck, hope you feel better soon.
Sam
Really sorry to hear you’re on crutches mama. I hope you make a speedy recovery. And thank you with rest I’ll get better.
He hasn’t really said why his on them something about his ankle is messed up. Sounds like a bad sprain.
Yes I can understand some people don’t fancy talking when they not feeling themselves, I deffo don’t hence why I didn’t have the energy to reach out in two days but I do definitely care about peoples well beings and I reached out to him last night and he seems ok. I definitely have a fear of being ghosted I can’t lie as it’s happened in the past, when I don’t hear from someone in back my head I think oh god what’s happened something I have to work on. But he obviously doesn’t know that as I try to come across normal over text and sound up beat I write my issues in forums instead and deal with it on my own ha! As I understand it could ruin a friendship / relationship I’m not silly :-) -
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