Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I told him something offensive
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Claire
Hi, I’m kinda embarrased to say this, but here it goes. I have a relation with a guy for a bit over a year, it is half in the distance right now because of his job.
The thing is that things were good between us, but he sometimes can be a bit cocky teassing me. He tried to make me jealous on purpose and I just exploded, I explode easier on the phone than in person ironically.
The things is that in the middle of a fight I told him that he has a small dick (he was acting like if he was the God of men) , he really has a average one, I don’t really matter the size. He was never the same with me since that day, even though we talk.
I can totally see he avoids the issue, he didn’t even mention it, I asked if he was offended and he said no, but of course he is. He always contacts me in the morning, today he didn’t and yesterday it was me texting first.
I don’t know how to fix this, I’m trully surry by what I said, I know it is terrible for a guy, at the same time he was being really arrogant. I appreciate any advice here.
Lane
Is this the kind of man you envisioned being with long-term? If you can’t tolerate his teasing a year in, then how in the heck are you going to manage it for potentially many more?
You both fight dirty. A little ribbing is fine but if you can’t learn how de-escalate it effectively then I don’t see a fix. Come up with a “codeword” such as “OVERBOARD” which means he’s overdoing too much and you want to move onto a different topic. If he doesn’t stop then hang up, and take a time out before you say something that you can’t unsay.
Claire
You are right, Laine, I can be temperamental and I didn’t find funny at all any of his jokes that day, also because I was a bit sensitive that day in particulary.
He is someone I can imagine myself having a long term relation with. But I don´t know how much I could damage offending him.
I imagine for a man is something hard to hear. I don’t know how to behave now, because honestly I’m a bit hurt by his “jokes” as well, though I totally know he was just joking , he is a very faithful person, his ex cheated and it hurt him a lot.
I suppose I’ll wait until he contacts me. I already contacted him yestreday and it went so so…But I appreciate any advice, should I apologize again? or mention the issue? or just let it go?
Zoe
Good for you girl
Liz Lemon
Agree with Lane that your dynamic sounds unhealthy. He teases you to the point where you explode, and you attack him in pretty much the worst way you can attack a man. He’s never going to forget you said that.
As for how to fix it– I think your problem is bigger than this one incident. You need to figure out if you can stop relating to each other in such a toxic way. It’s not a healthy relationship if this is how you interact.
mama
Maybe take a look at your own temper. If you figure out your own issues, it won’t matter how much someone is trying to “tease” you. You won’t be so reactive and mean-spirited.
You can’t fix this other than to back off and let him come to you when or if he is ready. Let him come to you on his own time.
Just take it as a lesson learned about not saying hurtful things to someone else. And try to work on your temper.
ANM StaffKeymasterHi Claire – I apologize for the slow speed that the forum is publishing your posts! The forum’s spam filter seems especially sensitive right now, and it’s interfering with your posts. I’ll try to keep watching the forum through the weekend and manually correct it if it continues to hold-back your posts.
In the meantime, please carry on, and hopefully you will find insight from our community’s responses!
(Also, to everyone else: Claire’s response from earlier today is now appearing after Lane’s post. If you’ve been watching this topic, you might not have seen that earlier today.)
Claire
hahaha, I think I offended the forum as well.
I’ll try to avoid to use the word.
I feel truly bad right now, I will try to fix things on monday, I’m waiting if he contacts me , if not I will do it and after I’ll see whats happening, the wait is killing me, but I think some time is needed.
Sylvia
Ok another case of not willing to wait. Btw did you have a mature conversation about his teasing? A neutral one in which he might understand how you hate it. He must be hurt. You really went for a hurtful one. Having said that some women can take teasing and not care at all/sometimes a bit. Now you’re not such a person. This relationship seems like a struggle.
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