I Really messed up, is there a chance to fix it?


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jordan 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #918059 Reply

    Jordan

    My ex and I were only dating for 10 days. He doesn’t have social media so he can’t see what I’m doing and Vice versa. We broke up because he had to ditch our date and go help his mom with her broken down car instead. He said he was so sorry and I stupidly told him he wasn’t sorry. He was SO excited to see me before that. He hasn’t texted me since. Except for two days later to tell me we won’t work out in a romantic way. The worst part is he sold me my car. So it reminds me of him. I’m hurting bad and I know I made a mistake and I hurt his feelings. I’ve sent him a few apology texts and he hasn’t responded to any of them.

    What do I do? Do I just give up?
    Is there anything I can do to fix it?

    #918070 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Unfortunately I don’t see a way to fix this. You only dated 10 days, so you didn’t have a long term or deep relationship. You demonstrated to him that you don’t trust him and that you fly off the handle easily (sorry to say, but it’s true, your behavior comes off as unstable). If I had just started dating a guy who behaved the way you did, I would end it with him too, because it shows that you have issues with control. I think the best thing you can do here is accept your error and work on your trust/control issues so that you don’t repeat this mistake in the future.

    #918099 Reply

    Maddie

    You actually insulted his mom and basically lashed out in your disappointment that the plans changed in a way that suggests you want to / expect to be chosen over her. Again, his MOM. No guy wants to prioritize you over family after only 10 days.

    Learn from the experience so you can forgive yourself and not repeat it. That’s really all you can do since you can’t control what he’s going to do and I doubt you’ll hear from him again. He did you a solid by telling you he didn’t want to see you again instead of ghosting totally. That’s all the closure he’ll give you, forgiveness and acceptance will need to come from yourself from here.

    He sold you the car, but he did not gift it to you or have several deep experiences with you in it, with sentimental, strong memories. I think give yourself a bit of time, and once you start to get over him you’ll be just fine with having the car.

    #918107 Reply

    AmyAB

    He’s not an ex after just 10 days, you were never really “together.” Once you’ve shown yourself to be unreasonable so early in the game, men are done.

    #918186 Reply

    Sally

    I’m really surprised you said that when it was only 10 days you dated and was his Mom. Can you share what was behind your thinking?

    #918362 Reply

    Jordan

    I wasn’t giving this new guy the benefit of the doubt. I was just thinking about my ex from 4 years ago who was an abusive alcoholic and he would ditch me right before our dates constantly and blame his family. When really he was just getting drunk. Or he would ignore me completely, when he did interact/spend time with me it was just verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I’m extremely jaded from it. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I was just back in 2017 with my ex all of a sudden and feeling like he didn’t want to see me. Feeling like it was an excuse from this new guy. I realized pretty soon after I sent it that it was wrong.

    #918382 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    It’s good that you understand why you did it, and it’s good you know it was wrong. You need to work on letting go of that. You can’t be reactive and blame new partners for the sins of previous partners.

    I don’t think there’s a way to fix things with this guy. Like AmyAB said, you were barely dating (10 days isn’t even 2 weeks of dating, it’s extremely early) and you showed yourself to be very unreasonable from the get-go. I’m pretty sure this guy is done. Like I said, if a guy I barely knew and had just started dating did that to me, I’d drop him quickly. No one wants to date someone who appears unreasonable and volatile. You’ve sent multiple apology texts and he hasn’t acknowledged them. There’s nothing else you can do. I would suggest not contacting him anymore or you’ll look stalker-ish and even more unreasonable. If the guy does not come back of his own accord at this point (and I doubt he will), it’s completely out of your hands.

    #918455 Reply

    Lane

    I think you need to deal with your past or you will keep hurting your future.

    I could see why it triggered you but when you are newly dating the only thing you should be doing is watching, listening and observing them to determine their overall character. Not every date is going to go as planned, stuff happens so you need to give them at least one pass and then see what they do after that. Its a test to determine if its a one-off, or an issue if they do it again shortly afterwards. If its repeated after a short time, then you simply stop seeing Mr. Unreliable.

    I too left an alcoholic after 20 years of marriage, and I remember how hyper vigilant I was on a date watching how much each guy drank. If it was too much I simply stopped dating them because I didn’t want to get involved with another one. I didn’t have to say anything but watch and/or make a mental note to determine if they were someone I wanted to continue seeing or not. In the future, just watch to see if its a one off or a potential issue (happens again in a short time) before you address it. If you do, at that point you should be in a position that you’ve already decided to end it because if you are having issues this early (first few months) then its only going to go further downhill if you stay.

    #919084 Reply

    Jordan

    I agree Lane, I think I need therapy.
    We were together from 2017 until last summer and it was the worst thing for me. I had never been treated that way and I let it go on for WAY too long. It was a sick cycle. I’m sure you know how that goes as well. He still tries and sends me pics of us or likes my Instagram posts. I feel like I’ll never fully get away from him.

    I worry that my past will ruin any chance I have for a happy, normal future with a normal nice guy.

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