Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I just don’t what to do or how to handle this, advice pls!
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Katy.
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Gina
Yesterday my boyfriend and me had a small discussion because I see that he barely wants sex and since may 2019 he was telling me that it’s wrong to have sex without being married( he is religious, he goes to a christian church he does not go every Sunday, but he try’s to go most of the time. So since then he was telling me that we should wait, that its not right but we did have sex after that and 2 days ago we had ( but I could tell he was not into it, he was snooring).
So yesterday we had a discussion about the same thing, and told me for some moments he gets that feeling that he is doing something wrong and its a spiritual situation fir him, that is called fornication before marriage, mind you I am 31, how the heck dies this man pretend to have me like this without sex ( or just have sex from time to time) for crying out loud I’m starting to live my life, especially us that we had had sex before and NOW THIS!!!
You guys, I just don’t know what to do anymore( either he is using this as an excuse, he dies mor feel attracted to me or he wants me out of his life.
And my answer to him was you know what if you want me out of your house you will have to try harder because I am not leaving out of here. I am not gonna be the bad one who decided to dump him and leave, he will have to grow a pair and do it himself otherwise I am not doing it. ( cause this his issue he always wants to be seen as the good one and I am the bad person).
The funny thing is that I recently saw his youtube history, I think our smart tv is under his youtube email, so I did see a bunch of bikini contest girls, some other youtubers girls trying on tiny bikinis , plus a whole other videos with a girl twerking, more bikini contest and other videos not related to any of this.
I would love to know what is going on right now.
Jo
It sounds like an excuse to me. He’s so overwhelmed by desire he goes against his principles and has sex with you but then is so little into it he falls asleep?
Anyway either way I would be out of there. It would be acceptable for him to be against sex before marriage and have the self control to abstain and the communication skills to explain this. However even if I believed this was the reason not an excuse for his behaviour (and I don’t) I would have zero respect for someone so weak they can’t stick to their principles.
Do you really want to be with someone this flaky? It also sounds like you don’t trust him.
Tallspicy
WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM HE HAS TO KICK YOU OUT?
WHERE IS YOUR SELF ESTEEM?
TOUGH LOVE TIME: – when someone shows you they don’t want you, you bounce. when someone shows you they won’t try to be better or come up with a compromise, you bounce (leave). You leave them in the dust and find someone who does – and that person might just be yourself.
Every moment you spend trying to get someone to love you is a moment you abandon yourself to someone else. YOU DO NOT WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO CHOOSE YOU.
Snap out of it. A relationship ending does not make you bad or good.
Newbie
I dont know from what country and culture youre from but i wouldnt rule out he is closeted gay. Especially if he is a more conservative Christian and being with you without making any moves to get engaged or married, he might hope he will be into you somewhere along the road.
But whatever the reason he doesnt seem to be into sex and youre letting it be like this. Up to the point where you tell him, you wont leave. Are you insane? You dont want to cause the break up because you dont want to be the bad guy is about the dumbest excuse. How about you what is right for you and go with thatPaige
Two words for you: Jodi Arias.
Now, I’m not saying that if you keep going with this guy, you’re going to go ballistic and kill the guy, but I AM saying to read how he used her for sex (well, anal sex – apparently, that’s a Mormon loophole) and kept going back, stringing her along – when all the while he had no intention of marrying her; he was looking for a “good Mormon girl” while he used her to get his rocks off.
I AM telling you that this is a game all-too-many “Christian” guys play – and he’ll always be able to twist everything around so he’s the good guy and you’re the stalking slut who was trying to lead him down the wrong path – straight to Hell and perdition.
Drop him as quickly as you can, get the f*ck out of his house, block him from your phone, delete him from your social media – and if you, too, are a Christian, as soon as you are safely away and have wiped all the slime of him out of your life, get down on your knees and thank your God that He let you see that particular male being for what he really is and brought you out of a situation that is (at the very least) damaging to you mentally and emotionally before you totally lost any sense of yourself as a good person.
Then give yourself a while to recover from his bullsh*t and find yourself another guy who has a more realistic view of right and wrong, of moral, immoral and amoral.
Good luck, sweetie. You’re going to need it.
Newbie
Lol paige, that was uhm interesting …
Paige
Ah, Newbie – my outlook on life and all its pitfalls has always been…well, let’s call it “unique.”
My grandmother used to say that when the Lord made me, He broke the mold.
(She also said on more than one occasion that I was enough to make a preacher cuss.)
NOTE:
No offense intended to any Christians who might read my answer. It’s just my take on the OP’s situation.
T from NY
I think it is bang out of order to speak the way you did about someone who was murdered. OR to even remotely infer to the OP as Jodi Arias. Jodi Arias did not kill Travis Alexander because he strung her along. She killed him because she’s a psychotic sociopath who actually manipulated quite a few people in her life while hooking up with Travis OMG.
To the original poster – I am sorry this situation must be super confusing. I agree he is not a good prospect pulling this kind of stunt. Also it seems controlling. Only wanting sex when he takes the notion. My ex husband was like that. Shot my libido and self esteem all to hell. I agree with others to walk away from anyone who doesn’t take your needs or desires into consideration.
Katy
Your story is familiar to many women. Whether it’s about religion and sex or whatever the hang up is the person has. It’s really hard to accept but his issues aren’t yours unless you accept them as yours. Please don’t. He’s going to twist it all as being your fault except for a few rare moments when he says SOME of it is him. Call it a glimpse of clarity but it won’t last. Just when you think you’ve made progress he will spin it and your head will be left spinning. He will pull you in and just when you think you can breathe, he will push you away. It’s a power play because he feels out of control with himself.
I’ve been there and it hurts because it doesn’t seem to make sense when all you want to do is make sense of it.
Please don’t let him bring you downKaty
To OP,
I came back to this thread and please reread what T from NY said, “…walk away from anyone who doesn’t take your needs or desires into consideration.”
It is ongoing pain if you do. He will oblige you if he feels like it and turn on you when he feels like it. Just when you think all is well and make evan an innocent gesture, he will act like you are pressuring him and ruining his life. I apologize for chiming in again and the gloomy outlook but i, too, have lived this. You can’t fix his mind mess – as much as you may want to. I had to learn the hard way.
You are the one in this relationship and there are bound to be many things, more than you could ever put in a post, that play into this. You need to sort through all that and focus on what makes you happy and if you are being fair to yourself. If he isn’t delivering those things – think long and hard if you want to spend your time appeasing his moods if he isn’t doing the same for you. -
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