I have no genuine friends, no boyfriend and I can’t cope anymore


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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  mama 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #934648 Reply

    Monty

    I have come to a conclusion that I don’t have any real friends. I know alot of people that I call friends but they really are not cause all we do is say hi and talk about superficial stuff which is okay cause not everyone is going to be my bestie. But I have this one friend that whenever I go to for advice especially relationships she would act like she doesn’t really wanna talk or give any advice and would sometimes ignore, this makes me feel like I am acting crazy. She responds and gives replies that makes it seem like I have issues but this same girl would come to me for advice and I would be trying hard to help, most times she does outrageous things and I would never make her feel like she is doing alot.
    I also have another friend who judges me when I go to her for advice and now I am scared to asking or telling her stuff. Every other person I go to that I feel we are close enough for me to go to for advice they always act like I’m doing too much but anytime they come to me I would always help and would take it up on myself like I was the one having these issues.
    I am also single and have been for a while, so now basically I have decided to not go to anyone for advice or discuss stuff with them but it’s so lonely. I literally have no one I can go to to just talk about my problems, sometimes I don’t even want advice but I just want someone to vent to and express myself to.
    But I have no real friends , now I just talk to myself and cry to myself and it’s messing me up. I’m starting to feel like something is wrong with me.
    I can’t cope like this, I suffer serious anxiety and it would be nice to have a go to person who understands me and would listen to me. My anxiety happens in a way that I need to vent to relax, I’ve tried to journal it helps but I usually just end up crying myself to sleep.
    I’m currently not working as I am moving abroad in a month for my Masters/Phd , so I have no distractions from my issues.
    Any advice would be appreciated

    #934650 Reply

    T from NY

    Listen I have the most AMAZING therapist and I’ve always joked she is my most trusted (paid) friend. When it seems that you’ve come to a place in your life where all over humans have let you down, or ain’t around, a therapist can be a psyche saver. And learning to manage your anxiety with help will only help with developing healthy friend or romantic relationships in the future.

    Be choosey when you’re trying to find a therapist. When you call or go online for an initial visit – ask for a 15-20 initial phone call as a meet and greet before you fill out any mountain of paperwork.

    The BEST talk therapy I have ever had, and still currently use, are clinicians that practice Integrated Family Systems (or known as ITS). So if you can start with looking-filtering for this theory, I promise you won’t be sorry. It’s been life-altering for me (and my anxiety was off the chain in my past).

    The psychology today website might be able to help you find someone who can practice all virtually-wherever you travel. They also let you filter by insurance plans and gender etc.

    I know what I say next might make you roll your eyes at its simplicity but – although I know all humans NEED social interaction and other people, when you begin with a journey of loving yourself by – getting to know yourself, reparenting yourself, processing your trauma and showing up for yourself in real, concrete, daily practice ways – it is a superior way to get the rest of your life (including relationships) to open up before you. It takes time. And it takes dedication to you. But everything you need already resides within you. Trust that. Believe in that. Seek a paid friend. One you feel comfortable with after a couple of sessions. It can turn things around.

    #934651 Reply

    Brit

    Thank you so much T from NY, I have also been thinking alot about getting a therapist and I will look into that.
    I also just deleted my social media accounts cause that was seriously affecting me, comparing my current situation with peoples lives. And I do want to start this journey of loving myself and healing.

    #934670 Reply

    mama

    I’ve been in therapy for a few years and it really helps! Even when things are going well, she keeps me focused on my self work. I can completely empathize with T from NY’s joke about her being her most trusted paid friend. ;) I joke about that with my therapist, too.

    You’re going through a rough patch right now. I’m sure the anxiety isn’t helping! Part of change is that we sometimes outgrow our friends and want other things from the relationships. A therapist can help you process all of that in a way that empowers you.

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