Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don't know if he is hiding ED
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Lost.
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lost
I met a guy on the apps, we texted a lot and spoke on the phone for a month , then when we had our first day we ended up spending the next five days together ( he lives in a different city and had a job interview where I live). The next weekend we went on a ski trip together and spent four days again blissfully happy, bonding a lot. The thing is we havent had sex, we make out a lot but never sex. The First weekend he said it was because ” he liked me a lot” the ski weekend hee was a bit drunk and said that because the past girl he had gone out with he realized she was using him for money and she was using her for sex and that when he realized that he felt like a very bad human being and had to re evaluate who he was. He is currently very anxious/stressed because he has no job and he is extremely driven. I don’t know how much the anxiety could affect sexual performance, but 8 nights in the same bed and no sex if he is 35 is starting to really confuse me. Would really appreciate if anyone has been through this and shared their experience. thanks!
Miss_A
Have you tried to initiate sex? Maybe he doesn’t think you are ready yet? ED is a possibility, but I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion just yet.
T from NY
How on earth are you dating a man multiple days in a row that has no job? Add to that – no sex – and I would say those are some pretty serious flags waving at you.
lost
Yeah I’ve tried.
And I usually wouldn’t date a guy with no job but he quit to take care of his dad who had just had a stroke
Andrea
Maybe he wants to be in a relationship first, and not FWB.
Newbie
I dont think its a good sign. I think the days length of the first two dates are also not a good sign. The problem for you is that most likely causes you to bond fast and you dont know the guy that well. It makes it harder to move on when he turns out to be not all that. It would take a step back and go back to normal few hours dates
Better off single
Maybe he just wants to get to know you out side of sex before he decides to go all the way.
His ex used him for money.
He probably doesn’t want that happening to him again so he’s being careful.
Emotional scars do not disappear over night.
Persephone
I think with our current Friends With Benefits culture we start to have anxiety when things don’t go so rapidly. Here are a few thoughts:
1) men unsettled professionally are uneasy about taking on a new relationship. They want to make sure they are secure before they take on everything a commitment involves.
2) he may be holding back because if he finds a job elsewhere he may be unwilling to do long distance and doesn’t want to string you along.
3) there are men out there who do not wish to have casual sex. He may be one of those sentimental dudes and they are a rare breed.
To me it just sounds like you need some perspective. Keep working to really get to know each other and see where it leads. His lack of sex with you doesn’t mean anything about you, I promise you.
Raven
No more slumber parties for you 2…
Better off single
Why not directly talk to the guy about it?
If you can’t talk about stuff like that now, how do you expect to communicate in the future?
So what if he backs off by you asking hard (lol) questions? At least you know will know where you stand and how he handles stuff like that in the event it becomes a LTR.
Don’t guys get soft when they aren’t really feeling it with the person?
Lost
Thanks everyone
Better of single – so you think he’s not really feeling it? Even if he kisses, hugs and does some other sexual stuff that don’t involve him getting hard?
Jenny
Agree with what Persephone wrote.
Lane
After your last response I don’t think he’s romantically attracted to you. If he’s doing all this stuff and not getting hard then the first thing that comes to my mind is that he’s not sexually attracted to me, not that he has ED, and that would not be a guy I would not keep hanging out with if I was sexually attracted to him. Sorry but I don’t buy his lame excuse about that woman as I’ve never it seen it stop a man from courting another woman if they were seriously attracted to or interested in them.
Are you paying for everything? If he doesn’t have a job then how is able to afford all this?
I would pull out as it sounds like you are fulfilling his emotional needs at a time in his life that could easily be seen as rocky and unsettled. Whether he has ED or not doesn’t matter as I would personally find ZERO attraction in a man who can’t stand to attention nor control themselves when we are kissing, cuddling, making out and sleeping in the same bed many times—YUCK, nothing remotely fulfilling in that.
Warasen
I like what Persephone, wrote. You 2 really just met and you are concerned he doesn’t want to immediately jump to sex might be premature. If you’re concerned with ED there’s a way to check the next time you 2 are making out (is that phrase still in use?) just see if you can feel a reaction.
Lost
Thanks but yeah that’s what I thought… that he isn’t romantically attracted if we’re hugging and everything in the same bed and he can’t get hard. He opens up
A lot and he pays for everything, he has savings. But yeah I should open my eyes and realize he isn’t feeling it -
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