Home › Forums › Texting Advice › How would you respond?
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Lane.
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TMM
I started talking to a guy on a dating app. We exchanged a few messages, then moved to phone calls. I’ve probably been talking to him for a week total. He called Tuesday night and as we were hanging up he said we should hang out soon. I said yes I’d like that. I said let’s talk again and firm up plans. He said ok I’ll call you tomorrow. A few minutes later I get a text from him that his boss called and told him he’s working the 2 PM shift, probably about six hours total in his shift. I said ok no problem we can talk another day, thinking we wouldn’t be able to talk tomorrow night as he was working. He said he should have some down time and he would still call me tomorrow. I said ok sounds good and we said goodnight. Wednesday comes and goes, not a call or text from him. All day Thursday goes, no call or text. I finally get a text around 11:00 PM Thursday night saying he was sorry for texting late but he just woke up from a big nap and he wanted to say he was sorry for not calling yesterday. Work was rough from the start and they went through to 10 PM that night. He hopes I had a great day and he starts work at 2 PM again tomorrow (being today, Friday).
So I’m conflicted. He is apologizing for not calling on Wednesday which is nice, but made no mention of why he didn’t call or text on Thursday until late night. He didn’t mention calling or getting together this weekend so how am I supposed to respond? I appreciate the apology but….now what?
Liz Lemon
It doesn’t sound like this guy is serious about meeting up. There are lot of people on dating apps who like to text/talk, but when it comes time to meet up, they flake out.
I would say nothing about him contacting you late on Thursday. He didn’t specify a time he’d call, and he did call in the end, it was just late. You’re not his girlfriend and he doesn’t owe you explanations….people get busy. So in that respect, you’re overthinking.
But the more important issue is that this guy is not proactively arranging a date to see you. That’s what I would be paying attention to here. A guy who is serious about meeting up with a woman will arrange a date. It’s really that simple.
The text about his boss calling a few minutes after you agreed to arrange a date, is extremely fishy– it sounds like he panicked about meeting and made and excuse to not talk to you. You’ll notice he hasn’t made an effort to speak to you since then.
I would do nothing if I were you. Let him initiate. If he doesn’t arrange a date to meet you in person very soon, then he’s a time waster. There are people out there who go weeks/months with texting and talking on the phone and promising to meet, and never do– this board is full of women who are in that situation. So don’t let him waste your time. It’s really not that hard to get a cup of coffee! If he can’t get it together to set a time/date to meet you, then he’s not serious.
Liz Lemon
* sorry I meant, he did text on Thursday (not call)– the fact that he’s not speaking to you is telling!
Tammy
Agree with liz. Let him now fix a date and time for meeting. If he doesnt do that soon, then forget him.
Lane
You cannot take guys on dating apps seriously. They could be on there for a variety of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with dating. Sadly this is why online dating has an abysmal success rate because of the amount of dishonest people using it for their own selfish purposes that has nothing to do with what they were initially intended for: meeting single men or women in your LOCAL vicinity that you wouldn’t meet or run across in your daily life.
Do not entertain the non-dating men! If they don’t firm up a day, time or place to meet and show up within a few days, you disengage and delete them pronto. Additionally do not give them any info. about you until the date or you don’t give them a reason (incentive) to take you out and EARN IT if you give it away for free so easily. Think of dating like “Christmas” you give them a little gift by telling them a little bit about your self on each date, so if they want to learn more they know they have to keep taking you out to (l)earn it.
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