Home › Forums › Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice › how to solve a problem while long distance
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Anna
My boyfriend and I have been together for about half a year. I have some trauma from a past ex who did some things to me, and it’s been almost a year so it’s been hard for me recently. My boyfriend knows about my past and sent me a video that made fun of the #metoo movement. I told him that it was upsetting that he made fun of that and thought it was funny. I even told him it was bad that he would send it to an assault survivor. He immediately got defensive and said that he wasnt a perfect boyfriend and that he had forgot. I was immensely upset. and the only reasons why it died off was because he mistook my sarcastic thank you as genuine, and I let it go because it was the day before valentines day and I wanted our first one to be a good one. It has been about 10 days since that happened and I cant let it go. We cant see each other because he currently lives 4 hours away. Im afraid a facetime call wouldnt be enough if I wanted to bring the issue back up with him. What should I do, should I confront him or drop it and leave it in the past?
Raven
Your BF is an @SS!
Raven
Seriously, he forgot you were an assault survivor
Peggy
Yeah,I agree with Raven. Not only did he “forget”, but even if you were not a survivor of abuse…he makes fun of others that have been abused. I would honestly just break up with him. You deserve better.
Liz Lemon
From what you’re saying he didn’t even apologize? He just got defensive and made an excuse?
I agree with the other posters’ comments. He *forgot* that you’re an assault survivor, he made fun of sexual assault survivors (which is what the Me Too movement is about), and when you called him on it, he got defensive and didn’t even apologize…..WTF.
And, the most important thing to me is about you and not him– it’s the fact that it’s 10 days later and it’s still bothering you. You shouldn’t have to “drop it” or let it go or bury it. I’m sorry that you feel you have to. You absolutely have a right to be disturbed by this! Listen to your gut. Do you really want to be with a guy who is this insensitive?
You’ve been dating this guy 6 months, has it been long distance the whole time? I think you are seeing his true colors. Six months is not that long to know someone, especially if you are long distance. In my opinion you should really think hard about whether this guy is someone you want to be with. In a relationship you should not have to swallow your feelings, or feel that you can’t express yourself, over something this significant. And most of all, you deserve better than a guy who is insensitive to your past.
Newbie
I think you are overreacting. I can understand that the issue is important for you to talk about. That should be in a supportive environment and your bf should also be supportive of that. But for the rest? Can no one crack an aweful joke to you without you taking it personal? Thats difficult. I hate sexist, rape and racist ‘jokes’. If i dont like one, i say so. They can take it or leave it.
So im not saying this guy is a perfect guy. He can be a sexist pig and if he is, tell him that and break up.
But for your own growth, you cant throw being abused in someone’s face everytime they crack a bad joke. Because they didnt do it to personally offend you. So on that note you can give people some slack. I hope you understand what i mean, growth also means getting over it, not keeping if alive, and get help from a proffesional if you need it. -
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