This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Becky 3 weeks, 2 days ago.
October 18, 2019 at 1:45 pm #775709
Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I’ve never actually sought advice online before.
So, this girl (29 f) and I (42 m) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I’m trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn’t have a problem with it. I don’t know if it matters but she’s from India and I’m white as white can be.
From the moment we started working, I’d notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn’t looking and whenever she’d catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we’ve become close, not super close but closer than we’ve gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she’s always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven’t noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don’t always do the same as I’m trying to get to know other coworkers as well.
Other things she does include:
– Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we’re standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.
– Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting – nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.
– I forgot how it came up, but she’s hinted that she doesn’t think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said “you’re just a kid,” and she said something like “you’re over 40 but you don’t act it, so we’re even.”
– Anytime I mention an opinion that’s different to hers, she’ll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine – this doesn’t matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.
There’s more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.
My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven’t dated in years. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this or whether or not there’s something there.
Thanks in advanceOctober 18, 2019 at 3:02 pm #775754
Do not date people you work with!October 18, 2019 at 6:53 pm #775765
Sorry, friend. It probably seems really fun in your mind. But don’t go down this path.October 18, 2019 at 7:15 pm #775766
Didn’t even read the whole post, and I am really sorry to tell you – you don’t even have to read all of it to see the huge power imbalance – you’re in your 40s, she is in her 20s, you’re white… you’re a white male (sorry mate, I’m white too, but it comes with a privilege), and then I don’t know about your job situation, but I take it that if you’ve been there for longer, then you’re more advanced in the career? If so, and all things considered, then it’s a big no.October 18, 2019 at 8:57 pm #775767
1. You’ve been divorced 1 year; how long were you married? Being divorced only 1 year is not much time at all, if you were married for years. Have you dated anyone at all since your divorce? If not, maybe you should start dating (online dating or whatever). Just to give yourself some experience and perspective.
2. If you’re recently divorced and haven’t dated much, I’m wondering if you’re reading too much into things. This woman may be playful and friendly, and she may like you as a coworker, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s interested in you.
3. I agree with others that the age difference is significant. Are you her superior at work? What is your position compared to hers? Generally it is tricky to date coworkers, even if your employer does not frown upon it; it’s just tricky to navigate both the work and personal relationships.
I don’t know, from what you’ve written it seems like she could just be a friendly, flirty younger woman. All you’ve described is smiles and friendly teasing and banter. Maybe she finds your company amusing and seeks you out during shifts for that reason.
Do you ever eat lunch or take coffee breaks together? Do you ever talk about personal/family stuff? Since she is from India, has she ever talked to you about her home country, or how she arrived in the US, etc? I don’t see any deeper connection going on here from what you’ve written.October 18, 2019 at 10:41 pm #775768
Have you hung out with her outside of work at all?October 19, 2019 at 7:26 am #775769
Okay so regarding the ethnic divide. Im also from the sub-continent heritage + my partner of 2 yrs is white so I can shed some light on that. I completely disagree with the person above who talks about white privledge – its like theyre implying inter-racial relationships are impractical. If you’re concerned theres gonna be a culture clash then whats imp info to know is whether she’s more traditional/ upholding to her Indian cultural values or more westernized. So far it seems that you guys socialize regularly and amicably so its likely the latter. Indians/ Pakistanis/ Nepalese who’re more traditional tend to stick to their own ethnic groups. I’d agree theres a power dynamic due to age & imp info to know is whether she’s dated older men before (or has dated at all). Personally, I prefer dating older men because they tend to be more mature + more life experience.October 19, 2019 at 1:53 pm #775771
I can relate a lot to this post. im a 40 year old white female who only likes to date Indian men around 30 years old. I am also an RN :) since i have been dating exclusively Indian/Pakistani/Persian men for the past two years, i can say theres a lot of culture stuff you will have to become familiar with if you hope to carry on anything with this woman….
why dont you ask her and a couple of other RNs to hang out after work at a local restaurant and become familiar with hanging out with her outside of work and see how it goes?