How do I move on with peace and clarity?

This post is going to be long so bare with me. I was dating this guy for 3 months. From the start there were red flags so please be kind, I know I should have listened.

My first date with him I realized that he was extremely insecure. He literally told me he was depressed from what felt like out of desperation to get me to save him, if that makes sense. He told me that he has “no feelings” and that caused him a lot of problems in the past. That might have been true to an extent but as I kept talking to him, I realized that he was just extremely insecure. Honestly the only reason I stuck around was because he reminded me of the old me so I thought if I guided him how I wish I was guided I could bring him to a better place and have a good outcome.

Okay so this was the first instance were things started to go bad and it bugs me til this day. We went on a few dates and one of those dates he literally admitted that “he doesn’t ask me questions” he was fully aware of the fact that he doesn’t ask me questions! I honestly didn’t know what to think and still don’t. Ladies have you ever been through this? Wtf does this mean? Why would a guy not ask you questions yet be fully aware of it? This still bothers me till this day.

Anyways the 3 months we talked it was a struggle. On one end I got very weird vibes with him and I felt that he didn’t like me at all. On the other end he literally kissed me & looked at me like he never saw a girl before in his life. There was a time were his face got all “mushy” and told me I was beautiful. I became aware of the fact that he was afraid to talk to girls and was insecure about his looks. Which he wasn’t bad looking at all. So knowing that, I never could tell if he was scared to get rejected by me or if he just didn’t like me at all. Tbh throughout the whole thing I truly believe both to be true. He cancelled plans on me. He stood me up once. After he stood me up, I was so furious with him that I told him off and I was sure he would never speak to me again. But he did the exact opposite. He kept persisting for me to see him and apologized. Maybe it was because I talked about his looks, I know guys, I stooped low. I know this doesn’t justify anything but I was just so hurt. And I wouldn’t have talked to him if I knew he didn’t like me but he always persisted on talking to me.

Later on I found out that his ex left him for another guy and years later sued him for not being emotionally there for her. So I don’t know if I should take any of this personal? Later on I found out that he takes anti depressants which are known to shut emotions off.

I was gonna leave him for good but he said his actions and behavior were due to the fact that he was protecting his feelings. And that I said I didn’t want anything serious, and that I said I was moving. Which were all true but I guess I acted out too because I was afraid of getting hurt also. Also guys, every time I did attempt to get close he just pulled away.

So the last time I was gonna leave. He called me his love and told me he wanted me to be his. Which all still ended in a disaster because I basically got blacked out drunk and told him and his friend off, out of which I believe was resentment I had built up towards him. It was embarrassing, I know.

So that’s how everything ended. I felt like he really didn’t value me at all and I feel devastated by that. But at the same time I felt like he liked me and was even happy to have a girl.

On top of all of that. My sister in law liked him!! And wasn’t happy when he wanted me, and was happy to see that things ended between us. This only made things worse cause I couldn’t talk to her about it. And the other half of me was so furious that she even felt this way. But that’s a whole other situation that I’m not gonna give too much details about. Like what do I even say to that and react towards that? How do I cope with that?

Guys overall I just want to move on with a sense of peace and clarity. It has been 3 months since this all happened. Why did he behave this way and act this way? What were the reasons behind his actions? Part of me wants to reach out to him again so I get a sense of reassurance. After all this I still felt like he tried to act out to get my attention in subliminal/indirect ways but I don’t know why. I felt like he wanted to hurt my feelings, which didn’t make sense if he didn’t like me.

How do I move on from all of this? I just want to feel good about myself again and not let this affect me. What should I do?