How do I get my coworker to ask me out?


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  • #784848 Reply
    Addison

    Hey ladies:)

    He’s gorgeous, we’ve spoken a few times in the kitchen but that’s it. I don’t even know his name yet.

    we’re not on the same team and I’m super friendly with everyone- how do I keep myself from going crazy until he asks me out? It’s so funny how I can ignore the ones I don’t like and they’re persistent, this guy is driving me a bit crazy. I’ve played it cool (let him approach me)- just how do I let him know I’m not just being friendly here?

    xoxo -a

    #784851 Reply
    Raven

    You don’t, He’s a co-worker…

    #784852 Reply
    Addison

    Anyone else? I don’t want to appear desperate, I do want him to know he’s got a shot with me, unlike the others I’m just being friendly with for the sake of trying to make it a nice workplace.

    #784853 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I have a few thoughts:

    1. Raven is right. It’s usually not a good idea to date co-workers. There are exceptions, but it’s risky. It would be very awkward if you broke up.

    2. You don’t know this guy! You don’t know his name, even. You’ve spoken briefly a few times. If he’s driving you crazy, it’s because you’ve built up a fantasy in your head about how he is as a person. He could be a total jerk. Good looking perhaps, but still, he could be a jerk. So stop building him up in your head.

    3. You can’t manipulate someone into asking you out. Someone asks you out because they feel interest in you and sense the possibility of connection.

    Having said that, if you want to get to know the guy, talk to him. Introduce yourself. Ask him his name. Ask him about what he’s working on. Treat him like any other new person in the office. If you’re super friendly with everyone, what’s holding you back? Just act normal and get to know him a bit. Maybe go for lunch and coffee if the vibe is right.

    If there’s a connection and mutual interest, then the possibility of dating can be considered later. I don’t recommend it, but I don’t see how you’re going to go out with someone whose name you don’t even know, and have hardly spoken to. So start talking to him when you see him around, be friendly and take it from there.

    #784854 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    We cross-posted and I just saw your 2nd post.

    At this point, you will look desperate if you do anything beyond being friendly and normal with him. There’s no need to “let him know he has a shot” with you. It’s a workplace. You need to be professional and friendly. If you start flirting heavily with the new guy whose name you don’t know, you’ll come off as trashy and desperate. So just be friendly and normal and get to know him as a coworker for now.

    #784856 Reply
    kaye

    Certainly you can find out his name from someone at work. Then stalk him on social media to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend or fiance who may indeed be the reason he’s not asking you out!! And I must say I have to second everyone’s advice to NOT date a co-worker!! And totally agree that pretty much 98% of the most gorgeous guys I was infatuated with turned out to be major A-holes who were stuck up, thought they were better than everyone else and totally obnoxious to be around!

    #784861 Reply
    Khadija

    You do nothing because he is a coworker.

    Office romances are a bad idea and there are so many posts of things ending up horribly.
    Leave the romance out of your job.

    Lastly, you don’t even know this guy and have built a whole fantasy world.

    #784862 Reply
    Daisy

    Talking from first hand experience, DONT DO IT! It’s really not worth the fallout, whether he rejects you outright, or if you end up dating and eventually breaking up. Breakups are hard enough, just imagine trying to get over someone while you have to see them every single day. Plus, you could be putting your reputation at risk. I know having a work crush can be fun sometimes, but you need to just leave it at that.

    #784887 Reply
    Addison

    Hey! No worries on the cross-posting. It’s so sweet you guys are reaching out.

    Some details I left out in the original post:

    Our office has over three thousand people (yes) so that makes it much safer if it didn’t work out. that’s what i meant above in that he’s not on my team – he’s not even in my department.

    someone mentioned me “building stuff up in my head” – i don’t do that. Too many women before have done that so now we all assume everyone does- in no way in my post did I use the words “boyfriend” “husband” “picking out china patterns and white picket fences!!!” i just want to spend more time with him and get to know him to see if he’s even worth- well, getting to know:) what i would like is lunch or coffee to get a better sense of him.

    #784888 Reply
    Addison

    haven’t been heavily flirting, will continue to not…. we just talked about nothing by the coffee for a few minutes yesterday… i ended the conversation before he could in an attempt to not look needy.

    im not going to find out his name unless he tells me – asking another coworker is not my style. nor is stalking online. sorry if i made that confusing, i wasn’t asking for advice on that, just giving the background that we’ve literally just met. to a different point- i’ve heard if a a guy is decent he’ll try and figure out your relationship status before he asks you out out of respect/to make sure he’s not going after a taken gal. i just need to wait for him to do that and go on living my life in the meantime. if he asks for my name/relationship status then i’ll know i’ve got his interest:)

    #784889 Reply
    Addison

    finally-

    please don’t judge all gorgeous men. he seems shy and nerdy. don’t judge all gorgeous women either – people can’t help what they are born with looks-wise. I resist judgement and instead watch people’s actions.

    I never wait for a man and I am already seeing someone else (non-exclusively) so I promise you I’m not building up a fantasy world. It’s hard to catch my eye- this new guy just did, that’s all.

    i’ll keep you gals posted:)

    #784891 Reply
    Warasen

    I was working in a time in history, pre-internet, where meeting a person at work was acceptable. Don’t go crazy and fondle their genitals in the break room but some mild flirting isn’t bad. I know several couples who met at work and have long term relationships. I won’t lie I also know if a few couples that worked together and broke up in a messy fashion.

    You don’t know his name, does he know yours? I’m the break room compliment him on his humor, fashion, hair, etc… Nothing over the top, don’t tell him he’s gorgeous. Light contact, like touch his wrist or forearm while laughing at something he said.

    Some social media investigation might also help.

    #786565 Reply
    Addison

    So we bumped into each other again, he finally caught me on my own and he asked for name:) he always seems to be hanging around but I’d always been with someone else so I’d just smile but not leave whoever I was with. This time he finally caught me on my own.

    we chatted for a bit but I made sure not to help him along and make him do all the work. Then another coworker interrupted him while we was talking to me JUST as it was stating to get interesting which was PERFECT bc it allowed me to slip away “end the interaction first” I think he was working up to ask me out but missed the chance due to the interruption which is a GOOD THING- if he’s interested that’ll make him work all the harder next time to make sure that doesn’t happen. I definitely get the vibe he’s interested, seemed very shy when he asked. At this point I think I’m in the perfect place bc I don’t care if he never asks but i’d say yes if he did:)

    Will see how it goes:) lots of great advice on other posts on this forum recently.

    #786570 Reply
    kaye

    Did you at least get his name? You are posting on a relationship forum about a guy you just met and how  this guy was driving you crazy, and wanted to know how to keep from going crazy until he asked you out… yet want to argue you’re not building stuff up in your head? Ok…right. And you’re updating almost a month later about this same guy yet don’t care if he never asks you out? Ok. Sorry if I’m not buying what you’re selling. You’re trying to strategically end interactions first, make him work harder to get your attention, but you could care less if he asks you out. Does that even make sense to anyone else? If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be posting this update…sorry but it’s the truth!!

    #786571 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    It took a month for him to ask you your name?

    Also, you seem like you are way overthinking this. Your interactions shouldn’t be this calculated at this early stage.

    I don’t see why you didn’t just act friendly and introduce yourself and ask his name a month ago, since you claim to be friendly with every new person in the office.

    #786575 Reply
    Newbie

    I like to read updates. Sounds something very promising is going to happen

    #786591 Reply
    Anna

    Make sure he is not married or in a relationship with another.

    The ones looking to fool around are always super friendly. Watch out! It happened to me at work. I got butterflies and after that my head was spinning in fantasyland.

    The reason my guy was so easy to become friends with was because he was looking to cheat. Best not to be overly with male co-workers. They are looking for an ego boost. You will know it immediately. You eventually wont be able to concentrate on your work. Yes its intoxicating. Be careful and always act professionally in the office.

    If you do get involved with one of these manipulative men, expect they will talk about you to their married buddies. There goes your reputation!

    #786650 Reply
    Addison

    Anna – good call, never hurts to have to reminder (plus for anyone reading this too). i get the vibe that he’s single, but next time i’ll def check for a ring and i would def never get into anything with any man until 1 i knew for sure he’s single and 2 i felt completely comfortable with it:) i am so sorry that happened to you – if you start a thread let me know here. i’m sure others would love to hear your story so they can learn.

    i know virtually nothing about him which, i find very appealing. the whole excitement thing. that was only the third time we’d spoken (he’s spoken to me every time im on my own, i’m usually with someone since again, as i said, i have no problem talking to people). it took ish-a month for me to come back here to this post bc i’ve been living my life and dating in the meantime:) he really did drive me crazy at first, but i had kind of forgotten about him til he came up to me the other day.

    newbie, i’ll keep you posted then:) i believe in kindness, curiosity and helpful feedback – for those who find this post “crazy” or silly or whatever- my question is, who, exactly, is holding the gun to your head making you come back here? and better yet, taking the effort to POST on here? stings a little to have someone hold a mirror up in front of your face doesn’t it? :)

    xoxo

    addy

    #786656 Reply
    K

    Ahhhhh Addy, it’s a little soon to be gloating. ;) He hasn’t even asked you out yet nor are you certain if he’s single. The absence of a ring doesn’t mean he is.

    Most of the time offices romances blow up in your face and it sucks. That’s a fact and that’s where pretty much everyone here is coming from. They’re trying to warn you for your own good, to help you. Comb through this site and look for the posts on offices romances. In the past month or two I think several people have posting about being unfairly fired or forced to leave due to office romances gone bad.

    But it’s your life, so you’ve been duly warned and you’re going to play this out, so here’s to hoping you’re in the minority of your office romance working out and not becoming an embarrassment, a threat to your job or your career if it doesn’t.

    #786700 Reply
    Addison

    aaaaaaand he asked me out:) we were having the dumbest conversation ever and he invited me out for coffee:) So much of the advice out there is right, if he really wants to see you he’ll find an excuse. excited:) have a nice weekend everyone:)

    #786703 Reply
    kaye

    Awesome!! Still wish he wasn’t a co-worker but if there are 3000 people in your office then that does make it more workable. I think meeting in real life is so much better than online! Online there are so much time wasters and flakes! At least you already know there is an attraction there. Good Luck!!

    #942696 Reply
    Josh

    You guys still together? The advice most people gave on here was ignorant. I work with a total of maybe 18 people; and I’m about to ask my coworker out. We always have short silly conversations, but everytime we walk by each others departments, we always have a conversation with our eyes! Sorry I was looking for advice and stumbled upon this lol

    #942705 Reply
    Alexis

    It’s best not to date coworkers. You can get to know him though. He may have a partner already, unless you do some mild investigating. Think about what you like about him and see what qualities you’d like to search for in your dates. It’s okay to enjoy someone’s company, but evaluate how much your fantasy compares to reality.

    #942712 Reply
    AngieBaby

    Josh and Alexis – this post is going on four years old. People are long, long gone. Sometimes people come back and update a few months later but never years later.

    Josh – if you are preparing to ask someone in your office out and there are only 18 of you there and it doesn’t work out between the two of you, you’ll find the advice given here wasn’t so “ignorant.” I’ve dated people I worked with on three occasions and in two of them where I had to see that guy all the time after it didn’t work it, it really sucked and contributed directly to my finding employment elsewhere to get away from the discomfort. (The third time it was a huge company and he was in another department in another building so no issue.)Speaking from experience and not “ignorance” I would tell anyone in a smaller company to avoid dating co-workers if you like working there.

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